※※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
Translated by :
- Ringo, /u/Ringo_17
With Contributions by:
- Ice, /u/Ice_occultism
- Ice, /u/Ice_Occultism
- Nana, /u/Nanashi-tan
- Furuta, /u/GracedHarperd
Fan Art Created by :
※※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO TAPPEI NAGATSUKI, THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR OF RE:ZERO STARTING A LIFE IN A DIFFERENT WORLD FROM ZERO, THIS IS A TRANSLATION OF THE FREE JAPANESE WEB NOVEL INTO ENGLISH
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
The flying tail stinger breaks through the stone corridor, leading to the rise of a plume of dust and the spread of destruction. As he watched this sight unfold in slow motion, Subaru saw a figure with the shape of a girl’s dress jump right into the midst of the destruction swirling in front of him.
Her drill curls aflutter, it had been Beatrice who jumped straight into the destruction. Courage― no, this was simply brutal. Naturally, the small girl’s body was far more brittle and fragile than the stone that had been shattered by the tail stinger. Any attempts to act as a shield, it would hardly be effective, as she was shorter than Subaru’s chest; she wouldn’t be able to defend against everything. In other words, that impulsive act would only result in a pointless death.
Subaru, his nose running, grabbed Echidna’s sleeve. Similar to how he had unintentionally called out Julius’ name preventing his death. Similar to how he could not follow that shade, that girl’s advice to smash Ram into the wall.
Beatrice also, overlooking the “impossible” and catching the tail stinger—,
Beatrice:「 —”Incomplete EMT”, in fact!」
At the moment when Beatrice appeared, she grabbed Subaru’s free hand and pulled him towards the front. As the small girl shouted, something stretched out of Subaru’s body, some sort of energy, which was not visible to his eyes, quietly seeped out. Before the eyes of the moving Subaru, in front of the palm which was held by Beatrice, it seemed as if a wall of light had been activated and the tail stinger’s blow had been stopped.
The crushing shock waves, just like the falling stones, had been blocked by the defensive wall which centered at Beatrice’s palm. In order to keep it from reaching Subaru, the damage had spread to their surroundings. The striking tail stinger, however, had not been destroyed by this single blow; instead, like rain, it kept striking over and over again. However, all of it had been shielded by the young girl named Beatrice, preventing them from taking any damage.
A tremendous shock wave sweeps over the passageway, scattering debris everywhere; a scattered piece of debris grazes Subaru’s cheek. He buries his face into Beatrice’s back as the noise around him faded and his vision became white, giving way to an immense pain in his cheek.
The huge scorpion could be seen for a moment. If it were to attack in a similar manner to like it had done with its tail stinger, like rain, its destructive strength would be no less than that of a mortar. It could easily turn one’s body into mere dust.
Protected by the girl’s small back, Subaru barely survives it.
Just now, Subaru had been unable to accept that he was in this world without taking comfort from God, and requested salvation; or was he perhaps wondering that this world itself was the hell he had been sent to?
Subaru, who could not afford to curse his terrible luck right now, noticed someone other than Beatrice and the scorpion that was visible from the corner of the eye.
It was Echidna, who also had also been caught up in this attack and was exposed to the very same damage. Having declared that she was going off on her own, she had been separated from Subaru and the others, but had been seized by Subaru just before this attack had begun. Fortunately, she had also ended up in the radius of Beatrice’s shield, so the stinger’s damage hadn’t reached her, instead being blocked by the defensive wall of light. However, that’s was much as it could do.
Beatrice could only prevent the direct damage done by the tailpiece. There was no way to prevent any secondary damage that came along with the destruction done by the tailpiece. Which means—
Echidna raises her voice slightly as she loses her balance and falls backwards. Her foot slipped one step back to support her body, but there was no floor to support her falling foot. Crushed by the attack of the tail stinger, half the aisle had collapsed. As a result, the tower’s passage had been damaged and caved in, leading to the collapse of the floor, ceiling, and walls, which in turn had made Echidna lose her foothold. It seemed as if she had been thrown into an unknown space, falling to an inescapable death. Instinctively realizing her fate, a sense of fear and panic resides in her eyes.
Subaru quickly grabbed Echidna’s hand, preventing her from falling to her death.
His right hand was held by Beatrice, and his left hand caught Echidna’s. Reid had aggressively treated his shoulder, and that pain was deep-rooted, so if he were to over-strain it, the shoulder may become dislocated again. Subaru used his feet to make sure Beatrice’s weight didn’t overstrain him, but, biting his molars, he had no choice but to use his full strength to stop Echidna from falling.
Petite though she is, Echidna weighs the same as a normal human being would. Lifting a human being or any other creature, in the first place, is no easy task. Besides, with only one seriously injured hand available, , and even in this case of emergency, where the other person was unable to help— the odds of getting dragged and falling alongside her weren’t not low either. It should be understood without the need to think why this was a risk that should not be taken.
Echidna:「…..Please, don’t try doing anything you can’t do.」
Subaru:「I… don’t care….! It’s a spur of the moment thing…..!」
Echidna:「That answer is…… typical of Natsuki-kun, huh!」
Amidst the turmoil of his endlessly repeating questions, he refuted Echidna’s protests. Her body turning slightly, held up by Subaru’s hand even as it nearly almost fell, she finally managed to somehow prop herself back up onto the semi-collapsed floor. Subaru looked down and gazed at his arm.
—Characters had been engraved as wounds, patterns of mysterious black spots formed a covering, and other painful and spectacularly white scars were also visible on his body.
Subaru:「My movement is much better than how I remember it…… huh?」
He had no clue what these scratches criss-crossing across his arm were from. His physique was only slightly strong, but he had managed to save Echidna from falling. This was the same imperfect and limited body which had to carry out the『The Book of The Dead』but was unable to kill anyone.
Echidna:「Somehow… managed to crawl up…….! Beatrice, how’s things on your end!?」
Beatrice:「Barely hanging on… I am at my limit, I suppose! Sooner or later I’m……」
Packed with emotions, the crawling Echidna calls out to Beatrice with a grave expression. Beatrice responds by stiffening her pretty cheeks, and right after that—
The scorpion, which had kept up that barrage of stingers, was now sticking to the ceiling. Giving out a shrill cry, it now lunges toward them, huge pincers extended.
Subaru processes his thoughts slowly, as the pincer approaches him right in front of him.
Generally speaking, scorpions typically are shown as possessing strong, venomous stingers, however, over the thousands of sub-species of scorpions, there are only a few dozens that are actually venomous. Then, what weapon do scorpions use for hunting when they don’t possess venomous stringers? –Of course, their pincers become their weapon.
Would it be its sharpness or its crushing force? Although it seems like slightly less of a risk compared to the venomous stinger, the scorpion was still to be enormous in size, and thus its killing power cannot be dismissed That was evident from this very scene, where walls and floors of the tower had barely retained their original shape, somewhat resembling tofu that had been cut with a kitchen knife.
Avoiding the destruction and slaughter with an unnatural flight, Beatrice flew back with unbelievable leaps― no, she was disobeying the Law of Inertia. A strange feeling, as if escaping the effects of gravity, centered on Beatrice. She grabbed both Subaru’s waist and Echidna’s clothes, and distanced themselves away from the scorpion’s fierce attack. After some distance had been put between them and the scorpion, Echidna pointed the fingers of her right hand towards the scorpion’s face.
Each of her fingers emitted white rays of heat, lighting up the entire passage, burning the face of the scorpion which was clinging to the ceiling, as well as the exoskeleton of its right pincer. Would the scorpion be able to endure such damage? After the attack, the scorpion had violently swayed its stinger and left pincer violently, destroying the aisle and creating a plume of dust whilst scuttling backwards in retreat.
Echidna:「JIWALD! JIWALD! JIWAAAALD!」
Subaru: 「Wait! Calm down, Echidna! Ran away! It ran away! It really ran away!」
As Subaru restrains Echidna, who had not stopped attacking the scorpion, from behind, it plunged into the plume it had created. Echidna continued to struggle for some time, glaring desperately at the edge of that plume, and stubbornly continued to strike the fumes. But, eventually her strength left her body, and she leaned back against Subaru.
Echidna:「Huff, hh, haah……. did we… did we do it?」
Subaru:「……That did it. It probably ran away.」
Subaru nods his head at Echidna’s question; Echidna herself was out of breath and could not believe her eyes. Although the plume had not cleared, it did not seem like the scorpion’s huge form was there. Rather, at this very instant, even if its stinger gave no counterattack, it was still putting up a hard fight.
Subaru:「But, what was…… that? The one from earlier was……」
Beatrice:「―A Demon Beast, in fact. Its uncanny figure appeared in the fourth floor, I suppose. The tremors coming from the lower floors, and the Demon Beast of the fourth floor; adding to that, the mess of the upper floors」
Subaru:「Up, down, middle…… Is this problem happening in all of them?」
Subaru, turning away from the bloody scene, looks back after hearing Beatrice’s report, whose face was adorned with a serious expression. Certainly, Julius was still fighting on the lower floor, and now the scorpion—the Demon Beast that was present in the fourth layer had been revealed. It was also likely that the issues of the upper floors were a result of Reid coming down.
Echidna:「…… One of the problems is you yourself, but you don’t seem to realize that.」
Breaking Subaru’s train of thought, she spoke while disentangling herself away from Subaru’s chest. Wiping the sweat off her forehead, she kept her eyes on Subaru, vigilantly watching him. Alertness, doubt, uneasiness, and confusion were all present in her turquoise eyes.
Echidna:「You…… just what exactly are you? What do you want to do, what is your position?」
Subaru:「I, don’t know the details. I am the same as you in not knowing anything, what will come up, what is going to happen. Because I am……」
Subaru, who had come back to being confronted by the very same questions once again, weakly tried to respond to Echidna’s questions. But before he could, Beatrice, who had until now been immersed in her own thoughts with a rather grave expression, took over the ending.
Memory loss—in this loop, Subaru had conveyed that to only two people, Emilia and Ram. In other words, Beatrice was well aware of the cage and Subaru’s excuses.
Being aware, Beatrice lets out an ‘ah’. Echidna as well, tries to think of words to say.
Echidna:「How did you escape from that cage?」
Subaru:「…….When I realized what had happened, I found myself collapsed outside the cage, my shoulder dislocated.」
Although an honest answer, it was hardly believable. However, this was a situation in which his lies upon lies had lead them into great danger. Up until now he had looked a state, having plead to God, with his nose running, his appearance completely disheveled. Being in such a poor mental state, Having seen his awful mental state, Echidna hesitated to reply to the honest Subaru and took a while in choosing her words. Even so, she still continued to stare at Subaru.
Echidna:「……Right now… why did you save me?」
Echidna:「If you had not reached out to me, I would have definitely died, and, I suppose, Ana’s body would have had suffered a terrible death as well.」
The question reminds him of how much he had shortened his distance from other people’s affairs. However, it was the same reason as to why she cared not if she never saw Subaru’s face again. In other words, this was an effort to make sure that her judgment hadn’t been wrong. Facing Echidna’s judgment, Subaru thinks. Why, did he reach out to her? —Was it because Julius had been committed to Subaru until the very end?
Had those words… extended their hand to Subaru?
Subaru:「……It was in the heat of the moment, I don’t knowww.」
But, Subaru involuntarily shakes his head, denying that thought. Certainly, once, Subaru remembered what Julius had said, but Echidna had acted differently from that. However, when her very life was exposed to danger, the reason why Subaru had acted was not because of such thoughts, for he had no such thoughts in his mind at that moment. He doesn’t know. Why, had he undertaken such an action?
Subaru:「Does there really need to be a reason needed behind everything that happens? It was so sudden. Everything was so sudden. That’s why I……」
Prepared to disappoint, Subaru releases the emotions he was hiding within himself. He thought that he would receive an equally cold response from Echidna, but—
Echidna:「—That, may just be the essence of humanity in you.」
Suddenly, Echidna’s stiff body relaxes her shoulders and spills out those words. Hearing that, Subaru is completely astonished, and somewhat taken aback. Sensing the dumbfounded expression in Subaru’s gaze, Echidna shrugged her shoulders.
Echidna:「It can’t be helped that we quarreled in this place. Chatting away for a long time, only to be re-attacked by those Demon Beasts is also a stupid idea. Let’s get moving. I want to join Julius.」
Beatrice:「Completely agreed, in fact. For now, let’s get away from this place, I suppose.」
Leaving Subaru flabbergasted in their wake, Echidna and Beatrice decide their next course of action. Echidna confirms that Subaru and Beatrice were behind her, while Beatrice holds Subaru’s hand tightly. Feeling that small sensation, and looking at the little girl, Beatrice nodded deeply.
Beatrice:「You don’t even remember… when you took Betty out from there, I suppose.」
Subaru:「I’m… sorry. Whatever you’re telling, to me, that is, I—」
Beatrice:「It’s fine, in fact.」
Hearing Beatrice’s fleeting and lonesome voice, Subaru feels as if he had committed the utmost unforgivable sin in the world. Beatrice, however, shakes her head at Subaru, who had now been exposed to an unfamiliar fear. Hiding her emotions of loneliness, she carves out a fearless smile on her face.
Beatrice:「Even if Subaru has forgotten about it, it is still within Betty. What Subaru has carved inside Betty, will never fade away, I suppose. That’s why, for now, it’s fine, in fact.」
Beatrice:「Even if Subaru forgets, Betty will not forget. Betty will always remember. And, Betty will also make Subaru remember, I suppose. Betty will do whatever it takes to make that possible, in fact.」
This is something too dazzling for Natsuki Subaru, who stands alone in this place. Indeed, if he could steal his heart, any difficulties could be overcome, and this little girl shows enough willpower to achieve this.
Feeling as if he had been saved, Subaru holds his breath. Unexpectedly, the feeling behind his eyelids felt as if it was about to kill him, but he fully endures it. Beatrice does not say anything to the struggling Subaru, she just supports him by holding his hand. Just holding his hand, is a support.
Echidna: 「Because of the attack of that Demon Beast just now, it’s unlikely we can take the path Natsuki-kun came from. I cannot deny the danger, but we have no choice but to take the same passage as where the beast ran off to.」
Subaru:「Echidna, you too……….」
Echidna: 「This situation isn’t one in which we should discuss whether I will let you go, or not let you go, whether I still doubt you, or whether I don’t doubt you anymore. I indeed have the perfect skills to prioritize trade, but the situation does not allow that. This is something I had seen when I was by Ana’s side.」
Therefore, she shouldn’t press it anymore, is Echidna’s conclusion. Subaru, as well, decides not to oppose her judgment, as she had compromised with her feeling of refusal and followed the judgment of the two.
Even now, there is no change in his feelings of wanting to just run way. But he wants to believe that this is better than bowing his head and praying to God on his lonesome.
Behind Subaru is the passage from which he had escaped, now in terrible shape. According to Echidna, it had faced a storm-like attack by the Demon Beast’s tail stinger, and now it was practically just a mountain of debris, making passing through it quite impossible. Beatrice’s magic defense had managed to protect only Subaru’s life in the end. Even if they were to head down to Julius, who was defending the fifth floor, or Emilia who was acting entirely on her own, they would need to go through the side-passage, where the scorpion had withdrawn.
As the smoke due to the white heat rays drifting up from that dangerous, collapsed hole which had nearly killed them finally cleared up, something there makes Subaru groan unexpectedly.
—It was… the tail of that Demon Beast which seemed to have had fallen from its base.
Echidna:「I see. So it didn’t counterattack. It’s at least some good news that its means of attack got cut off.」
Beatrice: 「Indeed, I suppose…… By the way, the floor will not hold, in fact. We will jump over it, I suppose.」
With the fallen tail stinger behind them, Echidna and Beatrice nod at each other. Although its grotesque appearance was overwhelming, indeed, this proved that the Demon Beast had lost its ability to make long-range attacks. Of course, downstairs were the centaurs were still fighting within the endlessly rising flames, so it could not be said that their chances of saving the tower had increased just because the scorpion had lost the power of its attack.
Gathering momentum, Subaru jumps over the hole while holding the Beatrice’s feathery body. Beatrice’s body was light, far too light when compared to a girl of her age. Was this the result of the one year Subaru did not have in his memory, the unrelated agility he feels in his own physical body?
Subaru, once again, looked at the fallen tail of that scorpion as he jumps over, just in the edge of his vision.
The tail stinger had been fired like a storm, but its mechanism, even in this separate dimension, was not any different from Subaru’s ecological understanding. Needless to say, if going by Subaru’s knowledge, the poison stinger did not get ejected, and so there was not much it could do now. Above all, it could be understood by looking at the extent of destruction caused in the aisle, that the tail stinger was not released only as an object. —It itself resembled the shape of the needle that it released.
In summary, against Beatrice’s light barrier and Echidna’s white heat rays, the scorpion had released something like a magic needle. Of course, it had been treated as just a tail stinger, so it could also be said that way, that it could no longer pull anything off now that it had been separated.
From on his thoughts till now, Subaru finds a sense of incongruity. However, looking at the fallen tail, he notices it. That fallen part of the tail had been cut off almost by, what seemed to be its root, and that wound looked strange.
If it had been scorched away by Echidna’s rays of heat, the wound should still bear traces of burns, regardless of the effectiveness. Indeed, there were marks of burns in that area all around the passage. However, the scorpion’s tail showed no evidence of that, simply having only a tidy cross section.
Subaru had noticed that something was strange. Too slow. The fallen piece of tail, just at the edge of Subaru’s vision, trembled.
—Immediately afterwards, a light shoots out.
※※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
—Indeed, it follows its own mechanisms.
This was a phenomenon mainly seen in arthropods and lizards, which are said to separate a part of their own body to have themselves escape from the enemy, also known as the “cut part of the lizard”, and so on. This action can also be seen in clawed crabs and the like. In the end, the scorpion-shaped Demon Beast also did something similar to that.
When a lizard separates its own tail, the separated tail continues to move for a while, and plays the role of attracting the enemy’s attention while the main body escapes. Of course, the tail had no such purpose, for otherwise it should have had been constantly wriggling about, but what it did was an example of being able to do independent actions. Then, does that mean that it was incapable of that?
—When the predator approaches the separated tail, it plays the role of a “landmine”, exploding instantly, damaging everything around it.
Subaru:「U~gh, ghk, u~u~gh……!」
A groan. Subaru spills out a groan, as he slowly and steadily drags his legs. He isn’t dragging his legs due to fatigue. It’s a matter of his own physical ability; he had a huge laceration on his left foot, and he was shedding blood from an innumerable number of scratches, so it was practically impossible for him to move fast. Adding to that, Subaru’s body wasn’t dragging just itself.
Echidna:「……Enough, already. Leave me and, go.」
Echidna says, completely exhausted, now being dragged along by Subaru. Subaru puts her arms on both of his sides and pulls her from behind, leaving the site regardless. If they don’t get away from this place, that Demon Beast would come back.
—The scorpion Demon Beast had left behind that explosive bomb as its parting gift, and had torn Subaru and the others to bits.
Subaru:「—Shit, shit, shit, shit!」
Careless. He had been careless. His head had been completely immersed in lukewarm water. Before he had begun to speak his last words to Beatrice, Echidna’s attitude had slightly softened up, so a a lapse of concentration had cropped up in his mind, and this is the result.
Miserable, feeling miserable, feeling sorry for himself, he starts to tear up. Why must he go through this struggle, even though he is so young? That can’t change. Aren’t hardships and trials just a way to increase the chances of getting an opportunity from God? If being beaten down, broken bones, shed blood, a crushed soul and being deprived from your own life, ultimately leads to nothing but suffering, then, for what exactly, did human beings work so hard for?
Echidna:「Natsuki… kun…… you’ve… done… enough」
Subaru:「It’s not enough! Not a single thing was enough!」
Closing her eyes, Echidna mutters those troublesome words. After replying to her with a yell, Subaru takes in a breath at her subsequent words. Echidna’s words were tragic but true. For Subaru, between Echidna and Beatrice, although it was tragic, he would choose Beatrice. The weight of lives may be equal, but the weight of the individuals was not equal. The relationships depend on one’s own self. In a situation in which a person must choose, he would go by his own ranking.
—However, Beatrice wasn’t there. She wasn’t there. She was gone.
In that instant when the tail left behind by the scorpion Demon Beast exploded, sensing it was dangerous, he had pulled himself closer to Beatrice. He had wished he could have protected her. But sadly, his action had been too little, too late, and Subaru’s wish was left unfulfilled.
When the tail of that Demon Beast exploded, it had scattered countless stingers around. Although Subaru had been the closest to that explosion, it was thanks to Beatrice, that he didn’t even sustain any serious injuries. The moment Subaru had embraced her, she’d tried to protect Subaru’s torso. He had been bathed in an intense light that followed, and—,
Echidna:「Is that… so. That child… was indeed… that tragic child」
It seemed that Echidna, who had closed her eyes, was able to imagine the words that did not follow. Unable to refute her sighing voice, Subaru, who was groaning with blood and pain, was unable to have a last exchange with the girl that had disappeared, as if she had melted away. —However, he remembered what she had said at the end.
With eyes that were relieved and compassionate towards Subaru, a facial expression that was something too convenient for Subaru, in Beatrice’s final moments.
If that happened, the girl would disappear without leaving a trace on this world, and the fading girl gave “Natsuki Subaru” such an expression.
And, with Beatrice’s disappearance, by the process of simple elimination, only Echidna was left breathing, being dragged along by Subaru as they flee the scene. Just as if he was seeking atonement, redemption, or retribution.
Echidna stops Subaru’s actions, breathing feebly. If even that proved to be useless, she would never be able to rightfully return that body to Anastasia. That too was something obvious. —Both of her legs had been blown off from her body.
Although there was barely any flowing blood left, feeling that her body was lighter than even Beatrice; as he dragged it along, he wondered what kind of a future awaited her, with barely any medical help available.
Echidna & Subaru:「Ugh, ahhh!」
The very moment when that thought came up, Subaru stumbles on some rubble and falls. As soon as he went down, Echidna was thrown into the aisle as she turned over. The two groan and curse this world, their voices echoing through the aisles.
Echidna:「That hurt…… ow, that really,… hurt. Really… human bodies… really hurt……」
Subaru:「M-my bad, I’m, I’m sorry……didn’t mean to, I’m…..」
Echidna:「Do not apologise, there is no need, Natsuki-kun. Besides….. I no longer have a face that can confront Ana but…… this pain, is my only repayment to Ana.」
Falling onto the ground, Subaru crawls up to the immobile Echidna and shakes his eyes trying to understand Echidna’s words. What the hell did she mean by repayment? At Subaru’s questioning expression, Echidna relaxes her mouth and replies with a「I mean, isn’t it exactly like that?」
Echidna:「If I return Ana’s body to her, now…… Ana would, be able to taste this pain which will seem like the end of this world along with, the fear of, death…… That would, be hell. I should… be the only one… to taste that.」
Echidna:「I couldn’t return this body to Ana, or assist Julius…… I deserve, to be in this hell.」
He can understand Echidna’s sentimental feeling of self hatred and the chaos within her heart. Subaru can see in the speaking Echidna’s eyes that her inevitable “death” had started its countdown.
Unable to do anything, completely helpless, betraying all responsibilities, unable to accomplish anything. Regretting that, Echidna will die— abandoning Subaru, she will die.
Subaru: 「Well…… —hk」
Echidna:「Don’t you think you could… make this easier for me? I’m… yeah… that would be good……」
Fearing that Echidna too, may lose her life and fade away, Subaru finds himself terrified. However, as Subaru is unable to quickly do anything about it, her words opened new options.
—Make it easier. It’s too late to save her now, but Subaru could help shorten her time of suffering and speed up her “death”.
Echidna is still faintly breathing raggedly. Subaru manages to stand, pushing his pained body up, and he picks up a chunk of rock from the collapsed passageway. It’s about the size of his palm, and could just fit in his hand. However, just to snatch away the life of this dying girl, this weapon would be sufficient.
Piece of rubble in his hand, Subaru stands beside Echidna and calls her name. Her eyelids closed, she doesn’t reply. However, her consciousness hadn’t disappeared, as he understands that by her pursed lips and her stiffening cheeks.
She no longer has any strength to stop him. If Subaru were to raise the piece of rubble above his head, and swing it down towards her head, her life will easily crumple out of existence.
Meili: 『Smashing a person’s head open with a stone, even I haven’t done something like that.』
Subaru hears the sweet voice of the girl in his mind, which seemed to come from the direction of the rubble behind him. However, this was not due to reading the “Book of the Dead”. It might be that, at that moment, that voice wasn’t in Subaru’s head. This was assisted suicide. Assisted suicide to give the dying person a more comfortable send off.
If a person has full right to take away that life, surely that person’s actions would be justified—. This was atonement, an opportunity for atonement for Natsuki Subaru, who was unable to do anything in this place. Although it was his only chance for atonement—
His hands were trembling. The back of his eyelids were in constant pain, the back of his throat had stiffened, forgetting to breathe. Constant shivering. Despite being such an extremely simple thing to do, the current Subaru couldn’t manage it. His body does not move, as if he had forgotten how to move it.
A bruised breath leaked out noisily, and the rubble falls to the floor of the aisle. Making that sound, as his knees lose all their strength, Subaru falls onto his knees.
Natsuki Subaru can’t do even such an easy thing. He can’t even deceive himself into swinging that measly weapon, easing someone’s suffering and facilitating their death. Speaking of atonement for himself, using the feeling of guilt as per his own convenience, even still, what was the result of that.
Echidna:「For the sake of helping me die…. you were unable to… even hold a stone.」
Slightly opening her eyelids, her feeble turquoise eyes looking at the kneeling Subaru, she barely gasps this out. Barely breathing her words out as if they were a sigh, as if she was pointing blame at Subaru, all the while breathing raggedly, clearly fighting for each breath. However, to the torn Subaru, Echidna unexpectedly loosens her lips.
Echidna:「…….I’m so sorry… for ever doubting you.」
As her breath fades away, she apologises. Echidna, apologises. She had said that she was wrong to suspect Natsuki Subaru, and had apologised for it.
—And, without even being able to confirm the meaning of her words, she dies.
Killing Meili and concealing her corpse, acting without telling anyone about his amnesia, repeatedly doing something suspicious, escaping the ice cage he had been trapped in, not fulfilling the wish he had committed to, being unable to protect the girl who had captured his heart and tried to save him, and finally,not being able to get blood on his own hands for the sake of the dying girl… Echidna had apologised to Subaru for her intolerance towards him as she died.
He wants to die. Right now, he wants to forget everything that happened, and just die.
He wishes for Natsuki Subaru to die, he wishes that everyone in the world would sentence him to death. Natsuki Subaru despairs for the sin he had committed.
※※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
Desperation had eroded away the heart of Natsuki Subaru.
He couldn’t move. He was not worthy enough to move. Nothing good would happen, even if he moved. He had proven it. Natsuki Subaru was naturally incompetent— no, if he was incompetent, there would still be some hope for him. Rather, he proved that he was nothing more than a plague, an odious person, a pest to God.
If you cage up all your despair in your chest, it will kill your heart, and would erode away your soul before your life. If that happens, you would not be able to stand up. You would not be able to oppose anyone. That would be a natural consequence if you realise that you have genuinely, irrecoverably harmed yourself.
I want to disappear. I want to end up disappearing and becoming non-existent. I should have had made my decisions earlier. Before coming to this different world. Before coming to this other world, I am supposed to have had known all that, no?
Why, just by existing, must I bother others’ hearts? Am I not worthy enough to occupy even a small corner in others’ hearts? I am merely a dirty stain on the wall. The dust that has accumulated in the corner of the room, a wasteful maggot that deserves to be in the bin. A scar that never disappears, a leftover scratch that can always be seen.
Natsuki Subaru, why won’t he just die off.
Even of he dies, all that awaits him, is a restart? Who decided that. Who made sure that it will stay that way forever. If once was not enough, he can die ten times, a hundred times, a thousand times.
Die until he disappears.
Until everyone’s memory of you disappears, and you no longer have any influence on others, until your name, your presence, your trace no longer remains.
—I love you.
Be quiet. Disappear. Let me disappear.
—I love you, I love you, I love you.
Shut up. Don’t talk to me. Don’t get in my way of disappearing. Disappear, I want to disappear.
—I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
I want to die. I want to disappear. I want to be shattered completely. I don’t want any traces of me left. I want to become something that doesn’t exist. I want to erase my existence. I want to disappear from all history. I want to disappear from all memories. I want to disappear from all memorable moments. I want to disappear from the girl who said that she also won’t forget. Nothing is worth it. Nothing has any meaning. I cannot take anything. Nothing can be taken. Anything, everything, disappear, stop existing, from this world.
—I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.
Despair dominates his mind, as everything in the world becomes covered by a black shadow, as a confession dripping with hollow and endless love washed upon this disposable garbage shaped like a person.
If I get swallowed by that, will I disappear? Will I be immersed in void, far from death? Will I be thrown into a place so convenient, like a dark space that will never be reached by anyone’s eyes?
If, I die there, I will—
Natsuki Subaru, as if perfectly fitting in all of it, within the despair—,
???: 「That’s as far as you’ll go!」
—A voice chimed
Denying the end of the world, is a voice that was reminiscent of a chiming silver bell.
※※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※