Arc 5, Chapter 17 – “That Ever Present Armor”

 

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All rights belong to Tappei Nagatsuki, the original author of the Re:Zero series. This is an English translation of the free web novel which is available at:

http://ncode.syosetu.com/N2267BE/

Translated by:

• Nanashi-tan
• Phantaminum

Proofread by:

• Phantaminum
• SSCaide

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——Fully recovering the meal’s original atmosphere was now impossible.

After hearing Felt’s sharp words, a satisfied Priscilla had left the hotel with Al in tow. It could probably be said that she was delighted at having achieved all her goals there.

Considering the damage she had wrought, she really was selfish.

Everyone soon returned to their meal in the tearoom, unable to chat as happily as they had before. And so ended the dinner event.

Her impact had been incredibly hurtful to everyone present. In particular, the feelings of both Reinhard and Wilhelm must have been unimaginable to outsiders. Even so, the fortitude of those two men was strong enough that neither would allow any of their anxiety to show in their expressions.

Of course, the imminent reconciliation of grandfather and grandson could only be postponed. Just that was enough for a hard knot of grief to take root in Subaru’s heart.

Otto: [We were incredibly lucky that Garfiel was not present.]

Those were the words left by Otto as he departed for the Muse Chamber of Commerce following the meal.

As he had said, it would have been a serious matter if Garfiel or someone else prone to rage had been present during the meal. It was not difficult to imagine Garfiel flying at Heinkel in a rage and causing a violent tragedy.

Everyone at the breakfast had, for the most part, calm and rational natures―― Maybe Priscilla had even factored that into her satisfaction.

Subaru: […How could that be? That’d really be a coincidence among coincidences.]

The luck which Priscilla arrogantly prided herself on was next to impossible. It had only brought them the worst of results. Although irrefutable, it was painful to admit.

The worry Emilia and Beatrice felt had been surely more painful than any indignation Subaru felt.

Even Felt had been acting reasonably, leaving Subaru the only one who had let his emotions get the better of him. To both foe and friend, Subaru wanted to give apologies for his lack of consideration.

Emilia and Beatrice had returned to their rooms for a short break, before accompanying Subaru on their walk.

Subaru took the time to try to walk off his frustration, his footsteps harder than usual. The inside of his shoe pressing against his foot felt rather like a reflection of his frustration.

Landing on that train of thought, Subaru began to apply more and more pressure in his steps, trying to relieve his feelings, until――

Julius: [Do not step so hard on the floor, Subaru. You will cause trouble for the staff of this inn.]

Subaru, who had been gazing down at his feet, turned his head toward the sound. He had apparently unknowingly walked into the corridor facing the courtyard. Standing in the courtyard was Julius, who was bathing in the wind.

His hand swept his purple hair back in a practiced gesture, and it withstood the cool breeze with a dramatic image.

Julius’s handsome face, as always, inspired envy in Subaru, who clicked his tongue at the other young man before taking a seat next to him at the porch.

Julius: [Emilia-sama and Beatrice-sama are not with you, correct?]

Subaru: [That’d be the case. They’re not children. They’re at the age when they want some private time, and I have the decency to respect that right. I’ve set up a time and place for a date later.]

Julius: [Although I am unfamiliar with some of the phrases you used, it seems that even you have learned to better understand the thoughts of others.]

Subaru: [Ugh, you…!]

In a breach of convention, Julius was the one who first spoke words that instigated quarrel. However, after seeing Julius’s expression, Subaru’s annoyance dissipated.

Julius shook his head slightly,

Julius: [Apologies. If you were truly one incapable of being considerate of others, you would not have been able to denounce the Deputy Commander with such anger in front of everyone… I should offer you my gratitude.]

Subaru: [That sounds like a thanks, so please don’t give me one. That guy just rubbed me the wrong way. Compared to everyone else who maintained their cool, I must have looked awful.]

Julius: [No such thing happened. It was precisely because of your rash atitude that others could calm down, even myself included. Your impulsive reactions were helpful, it seems.]

Subaru: [You, you weren’t planning to praise me from the start, were you?]

Subaru frowned at Julius’s genuine tone.

Julius’s words were always accompanied by the traces of a taunt when spoken to Subaru, although said taunting came from both sides, so Julius was not solely at fault. In any case, it was nigh impossible for Subaru to accept that compliment in earnest.

Subaru: [I know. I should be calmer and more collected to be like a Knight. Even holding the position of Knight, I’m aware I still cannot consciously keep a cool head, even though that’d all be outlined in a schoolboy’s book of manners.]

Julius: [That is correct. Indeed, from a knightly perspective, your behavior was by no means commendable. However――]

Facing the uncomfortable Subaru, Julius fell silent. However, his next action led Subaru’s eyes to widen in surprise.

Subaru: [What are you doing?]

Julius: [It is as you can see.]

Subaru: [All I can see is you bowing at me.]

Julius bent down and inclined his head to Subaru.

This was not a Knight’s courtesy. Nor was it a ceremonious ritual. There was no formal inspiration of his motion at all. It was pure courtesy, one that was completely ignorant of position. It was a behavior completely unlike Julius.

Julius: [Thanks. Thank you. Thank you for showing the indignation that I could not.]

Subaru: […I have no idea what you’re talking about at all.]

Julius: [Valuing the honor of a Knight means that, no matter the occasion, you must act with virtue. Even if your own friend is being disdained, even if your own friend is treated with inhumane words, you cannot indulge in behaving according to your own feelings. But you are not like that.]

Maintaining his posture, Julius repeatedly gave Subaru his share of thanks. For the latter had compensated for the former’s shortcomings.

Subaru could only feel puzzled at the unexpected reaction.

Julius: [Caught between my Knighthood and my emotions, I quickly repressed my anger. However, seeing your passionate rebuttals, I felt ashamed of myself. So I wish to thank you.]

Subaru: [Thanking me for being angry in your behalf, huh…]

Julius: [————]

Subaru uttered a sound of understanding, and Julius finally looked up.

With just one sentence, Julius had finally revealed his genuine feelings, reflected in his gaze. Seeing him, Subaru could only give him a snarl.

Subaru: [What a stupid thing to say. Really, stop kidding around.]

Julius: […Stop kidding around, huh?]

Subaru: [Of course. Why would I be angry in your place? I was angry purely because I’d personally been ticked off, not because there was someone else who wanted to snap at that bearded guy. I could never do something as clever as express someone else’s anger.]

Subaru spoke these genuine thoughts to Julius, feeling like he had misunderstood the matter.

Subaru did not consider his anger to be some kind of noble indignation. After all, only Reinhard and Wilhelm could understand their own feelings.

Subaru was an outsider who had simply been angry that such an atmosphere had been defiled. His anger was purely for his own sake.

Subaru: [If you were angry, why didn’t you say something? I couldn’t have calmly dealt with the old man alone, but if you’d been backing me up then we might have fazed him.]

Julius: [No matter what, he is still the Deputy Commander of the Royal Guards. It would be fairly troublesome if I made an enemy of a commanding officer.]

Subaru: [This has nothing to do with your rank. Not to mention, you just blurted «no matter what», don’t be so narrow-minded. You’re constantly thinking about behaving like a Knight, or acting with a Knight’s demeanor, or whatever. Is even your heart coated in a Knight’s armor?]

Julius: [————]

Facing a silent Julius, Subaru rested his elbows on his knees and with his cheeks in his palms, and gave an exaggerated sigh.

What a stupid quarrel! Subaru had not only rejected Julius’s gratitude, but had also been enraged by him.

Thinking of the cause of the incident, including Heinkel, made him even angrier.

Julius: [Even my heart is coated in a Knight’s armor… Ah, that is pretty harsh.]

Subaru: [Although I think my wording was pretty cool and artistic, just ignore it. I was only kidding.]

Julius: [No, I will keep it in mind. I am glad that I am learning a lesson from you. This is something that I never would have thought possible a year ago.]

Subaru: [That uncomfortable stuff might be over with, but I still have nightmares about it.]

He still sometimes had dreams set in the Knights’ Training Field, about his confrontation with Julius and his subsequent brutal beating.

Although the physical suffering he had experienced at the time was painful to recall, what he had gone through mentally and emotionally in the aftermath hurt far more to remember. The memory of his own incompetence had been clearly imprinted into his mind, where, from time to time, it played like a movie.

Although, of course, his nightmares were not merely filled with his duel with Julius, but that event was something that could rival the memories of several deaths.

Julius: [If you can help it, I would rather have this not continue. Thinking of meeting you in your dreams every night is unpleasant.]

Subaru: [That’s rich, coming from the culprit. Don’t you think I’d rather share my dreams in intimacy with Emilia-tan?]

Julius: [So your pursuit of her has been reduced to relying on dreams, rather than your own ability. That suits your style.]

Subaru: [You bastard, don’t treat me like trash after praising me. Take a damn look at yourself!]

Julius: [Anastasia-sama is a lovely woman. There is no greater honor than being able to serve her in at a distance. Naturally, I think I should be very happy with my place.]

At Julius’s calm response, Subaru gave a cat-like growl.

The uncomfortable atmosphere vanished along with his bow as Julius recovered his usual image. Subaru frowned in relief, cleared his throat with a cough, and changed the flow of the conversation.

Subaru: [About that bearded old man… he said he was the Deputy Commander or whatever, is that true?]

Julius: [Your doubts are understandable, but that is indeed true. That man was the Deputy Commander of the Royal Guards of the Kingdom of Lugunica, Heinkel Astrea himself.]

Subaru: [Are they blind? Or deaf? Or messed up in the head?]

Julius: [You truly do question everything. Of course, none of the Royal Guards or other squires can question the qualifications of the Deputy Commander. In fact, the title of Deputy Commander serves more like a decoration, and no one has seen him perform his duties as of yet.]

Julius answered with a shake of his head, and Subaru’s imagination swam with the mental image of a senior official.

To be given incredible rewards while shirking any truly important responsibilities—— that was exactly how Subaru envisioned the majority of high-ranking government officials, and that was indeed Heinkel’s situation.

On top of that, the people around him even understood his incompetence and knew of his demeanor.

Subaru: [Could it be that he’s taking advantage of his status as the Sword Saint’s father?]

Julius: […That is not the complete picture. Taking the role of the Deputy Commander is not something that would escape the attention of his son, Reinhard. Although Reinhard’s fairness is universally acknowledged, but what if it concerns his family? Not everyone would trust him.]

Subaru: [I don’t think that Reinhard would be willing to bend his moral code for his father.]

Julius: [Even so, he is still Reinhard’s father. No matter what others think, to Reinhard, he is undoubtedly a family member who shares his blood. No one can know what he himself feels.]

Julius spoke calmly to appease the heated Subaru. Grinding his teeth, Subaru voiced a groan.

It was exactly as Julius said. No matter how mediocre he was, as long as he was Reinhard’s father, then only Reinhard’s own heart would know whether or not he should renounce their relationship. As a Knight who values fairness and civility, he should not be deceived by paternity. But it would not be easy for Reinhard himself to freely cut off such a relationship.

Obviously, outsiders could hold a firm stance on what Reinhard should or should not do, but to do so would be incredibly arrogant.

Subaru: [«That is not the complete picture», you said, so are there other reasons? What else could there…]

Julius: [He’s also the Head of the House of Astrea, and the son of Wilhelm-sama. To put it bluntly, he is related to the Kingdom’s best Knight and the previous Sword Saint. The possibility that not gifting him a high-ranking position would lead to treason cannot be overlooked.]

This was Julius’s brief, emotionless reply.

Hearing those, Subaru only needed a few seconds to understand the implication behind it.

Subaru: [This country! Whether it’s Reinhard! Or Wilhelm! I’d never believe that! If Heinkel resented the country, then the Sword Saint’s family would turn against it…!? Treating them so cautiously, as if they were a time bomb, if that’s how it is…!]

If so, wasn’t that an insult to Reinhard and Wilhelm? Their honor was so obvious, yet the country still believed them capable of treason?

The anger that Subaru now felt matched its earlier intensity, back when he was facing Heinkel. Julius shook his head and pressed a hand to Subaru’s shoulder.

Julius: [Your anger is expected. However, the Kingdom has to deal with every possibility.]

Subaru: [Something impossible isn’t a possibility! That kind of thing would clearly, obviously never happen!]

Julius: […Wilhelm-sama is the former Commander of the Royal Guards.]

Subaru: [――!?]

Subaru, who had been trying to escape Julius’s grip, unconsciously stopped moving after those words.

Julius: [Fourteen years ago, a member of the Royal Family was abducted in the Royal Castle. At that time, Wilhelm-sama was the head of the Royal Guards, and was placed in charge of the search for the kidnapped member of the Royal Family.]

Subaru: [So, what about it? Even I know about famous events like this.]

Felt was the member of the Royal Family who had been abducted in childhood―— A story that had become widespread. Subaru, who had already dismissed the story, did not catch the meaning of Julius’s words.

Subaru: [I know the Royal kid was never found. So what about it? Wilhelm-san took responsibility, and then resigned as a Royal Guard, so he has a reason to hate the Kingdom? But then…]

Julius: [At that time, the former Sword Saint was sent out to subjugate the White Whale, on what became known as the Great Subjugation. [1] That happened at the same time Wilhelm-sama had been searching for the kidnapper, away from the Royal Capital.]

Subaru: [————]

Pondering Julius’s words, Subaru fell into a void of thought. Something Wilhelm had once said seemed to fill that blank in.

Wilhelm had said it. He had said that he had not been able to be at his wife’s side at the time of her death.

Subaru: […He said he had not been able to be with his wife when she died, and the Royal Family investigation kept him from that. So do you mean that Wilhelm-san ended up having a grudge against the Kingdom, or something like that?]

Julius: [I do not know what Wilhelm-sama’s true intent was. However, it is true that after the search for the abducted princess was terminated and the Great Subjugation ended in failure, Wilhelm-sama withdrew from the Royal Guards. After that, the branch of the Royal Guards would have collapsed if it were not for the steps Marcus-sama took to reorganize them.]

Subaru: [I don’t give a damn about that! I’m trying to talk about Wilhelm-san! You… Is that what you think? That Wilhelm-san would resent everyone because of his wife? That… That’s…!]

Raising a banner of rebellion toward the Kingdom, due to his own resentment.

Was that really how Wilhelm van Astrea was seen by everyone? Why, after seeing someone who was so deeply in love, and willing to give up everything for his love, could anyone think that? Had they never looked him in the eye, or gazed at his steady back?

Had they never seen the Sword Demon’s frank, honest blade?

Subaru: [That person would never do such a thing, why does nobody understand!!]

Julius: [————]

This time, Subaru indeed threw off the hand on his shoulder, and shoved Julius’s chest. He stood and backed up, glaring at Julius, and losing his momentum.

The yellow eyes looking back at him seemed to almost admire Subaru’s anger. He understood. He knew that this degree of anger was inappropriate.

What Julius had said to Subaru had not reflected his own views. Julius’s own attitude was plain for all to see.

After all, one year ago, Julius had been led by Wilhelm after the latter had slain the White Whale. He had comforted Wilhelm, who had spent fourteen long years trying to avenge his wife. There was no way that he would have ever suspected Wilhelm to intend to rebel against the Kingdom.

Subaru: […Sorry. I was being an idiot.]

Julius: [No, do not apologize. You are in the right. I am the one in the wrong—— If anyone should apologize, that would be me.]

Dropping their gazes, they both closed their eyes. They both felt an unbearable weight.

Their helplessness in doing anything to change the country’s doubt in Wilhelm. Subaru and Julius both, even if they vented their feelings, were still ultimately powerless.

Subaru: [So is it the same thing for Reinhard?]

Julius: […Following that same logic, Reinhard would resent the Kingdom for sending his grandmother to her death and, in turn, killing his predecessor. But that is not the case.]

Subaru: [Then…]

Julius: [However, the Kingdom does not doubt that Reinhard has no intent in holding a rebellion. Rather, that suspicion goes to Heinkel-sama.]

With the drop of Reinhard’s father’s name, Subaru’s eyes widened.

Even though it was a name he did not want to hear, he could not just plug his ears at the topic. Any conversation involving that name would not be pleasant.

Subaru: [How is Reinhard’s relationship with his father? Aside from the obvious blood one.]

Julius: [There was a period of time when Reinhard gave Heinkel-sama his complete, utmost obedience. That might seem natural since they are father and son, but… There was a time it exceeded the bounds of what it should have been.]

Julius averted his eyes from Subaru’s, as if speaking regretfully.

The relationship he had said “exceeded the bounds” of a typical parent-child relationship. His words were vague enough that it was difficult to know what he had meant. However, Julius did not look eager to elaborate, and returned his gaze to Subaru.

Julius: [As Reinhard grew to be more self-reliant, that attitude should have disappeared. But, without decisively knowing whether Reinhard would still listen to Heinkel-sama’s words, those doubts could not be dissipated.]

Subaru: […So, to keep Heinkel from giving Reinhard an order to turn against the Kingdom, Heinkel was shown favor, right?]

Julius: [Perhaps it was even worse than that. Although this is still a rumor that is considered hearsay, I will tell you, because you are also Reinhard’s friend, and because you felt anger for his sake.]

With that troubling opening remark, Julius looked over their surroundings with a sweep. Confirming that there were no eavesdroppers, he stood close to Subaru’s side. Then,

Julius: [The Deputy Commander was a suspect in the investigation of the abduction of the Royal Princess fourteen years ago.]

Subaru: [——!?]

Julius: [There was no conclusive evidence. However, he has been repeatedly questioned about his suspected involvement.]

Subaru: [If that’s true, then, the abduction was…]

Julius: [The truth of that matter is no longer relevant. Such a suspicious character is in the position to command the Kingdom’s greatest military strength. That is the crux of the problem now.]

The glorious blessing following the title of Sword Saint.

However, as more and more of the situation came to light, Subaru began thinking the title to be more of a curse than a blessing.

Subaru: [However, if he’s really related to the abduction, then Heinkel is the reason why his father and mother couldn’t meet face to face one last time.]

Julius: […That’s not all. I have also heard that it was Heinkel-sama who recommended that Thearesia-sama, who had already set her blade aside, be the one to take his place in the Great Subjugation against the White Whale.]

Subaru: [He actually sent his mother to battle against the White Whale!?]

Julius: [There is an accurate record of this. The Deputy Commander refused to battle with the White Whale, and instead recommended that his mother Thearesia do it.]

Utterly speechless—— Subaru could not find it in himself to formulate a response.

Unlike the unfounded rumor before, what Julius had just said was backed up by real evidence. Records and witnesses meant that this was fact.

Heinkel had sent his own mother as his replacement to the battle with the White Whale.

That is to say, his mother subsequently died in battle, and his father took up the blade of revenge because he could not be with her in her last moments. However, rather than face any punishment, Heinkel used his son’s talent as a shield to protect his comfortable and stable life.

How could it be? How could there be a human who was capable of this?

Subaru: [There has to be a mistake somewhere, right…?]

He did not want to believe it.

It was not about wanting to believe in Heinkel’s humanity. Subaru had already accepted him as the worst kind of person, and anyone who spoke to him could instantly tell.

However, he was reluctant to admit that such evil beyond evil, such immorality, such depravity even existed. He hoped to believe in ethics, or honor, human nature, and had thought there was a limit to how much evil human nature could permit.

However, things that would be a sin even in imagination could happen in reality.

Julius: […Apologies. That is not something I should have told someone who had not fully prepared themselves.]

Julius whispered to the speechless Subaru, his voice shrouded in gloom.

Subaru could fully empathize with the feelings which Julius’s tone had given away, something which was entirely unlike the always calm and rational Julius.

Subaru: [It’s… It’s not your fault, I was the one who wanted to hear about it. Although it would be a little easier if I could blame you.]

Julius: [I am not in a position to accept your words. Obviously, what I relayed to you were just rumors about the business of another family, but I still spoke of them as if I had witnessed them myself. No matter how you look at it, I spoke without thinking of the gravity of those rumors. As a Knight, I really should be ashamed.]

Subaru: [But you witnessed it, didn’t you? Since you’re Reinhard’s friend.]

Subaru replied to Julius’s self-deprecation.

Julius again lifted his head toward Subaru, who nodded back at him.

Subaru: [Although I don’t know the specifics of your friendship with Reinhard, I can still see that you’re worried about him. So I won’t condemn your anger or call it too aggressive. I don’t think it’s right to just withdraw from something like that solely because it’s not your business.]

Julius: […Then, what would you do?]

Subaru: [Is it wrong to interfere if you hear others around you crying? If I saw my friend feeling hopeless, I’d certainly call to him. If you care about Reinhard, doing so would be completely natural. Especially since your feelings aren’t like mine.]

If Julius were to interfere for nothing other than his curiosity, Subaru would regard him with contempt.

However, Julius’s feelings, as proven by both his attitude and his words in their exchange, were nothing so shameful.

Subaru: [Didn’t I just tell you? There’s no need to adhere so rigidly to you knightly honor or whatever. And even if there is a need, occasionally taking off your armor and becoming Juli wouldn’t be so bad. Who’s to say that acting casually wouldn’t lead to a better situation?]

“Juli” was the pseudonym Julius had given during the battle with the Witch Cult.

Due to his position, Julius was unable to join any mercenary group, so he had elegantly hidden his identity with a slightly falsified name. In the end, however, no one ended up using it, not even Julius himself. However, that Julius was the one least like a Knight so far.

Julius: [Juli, huh… That is quite the nostalgic name!]

Subaru: [It was from so long ago, and it was only used once. I’m pretty impressed with myself for remembering it.]

Julius: [«There’s no need to adhere so rigidly to your knightly honor or whatever», you really have stated some difficult things. I am sure you know what they all call me.]

Subaru: [It’s because they’ve been calling you the greatest and whatnot that you’ve become so physically and mentally stiff. You should shed that armor when you bathe, and do some stretches with me before putting it back on.]

Subaru bent over, affixing his palms to the ground as if showing off his newfound flexibility. Although his body had been quite stiff before he had started learning parkour, the first thing he did was to learn how to move with more softness and pliability.

Then, to Subaru who was showing off his flexibility,

Julius: [If you are trying to show me up, I really cannot do anything but sigh.]

Subaru: [Oh!?]

As he spoke, Julius spread his legs apart and reached toward the ground. Subaru could not help but admire his control over his slender legs and the suppleness of his hips as he lowered himself to the ground.

Was that to say that Julius could easily surpass Subaru in any area?

Subaru: [Gah… But, but! If it were playing a Lyulyre, or sewing, I’d definitely win…!]

Julius: [Although I cannot see the merit of triumphing in hobbies, I have also taken up playing musical instruments. Although I would have to say that tailoring is fairly difficult.]

Subaru: [Grrr! You really had to say it! Hobbies! A hobby held by a guy like you can’t be anything but superficial. I’ll never form a band with you. My lead singer role will be taken away!]

Julius unwound his feet and stood with a flourish.

He suddenly flicked his bangs at Subaru, then smiled at the sky as if boasting a victory.

Julius: [I see. As Juli, gazing at the sky and bathing in the wind feels like this.]

Subaru: [Eh?]

Julius: [In retrospect, the sky I saw back then was also somewhat different from how it usually was. So this would be the reason, then.]

Subaru: [You keep getting more and more unreasonable. You fake bastard.]

Subaru shrugged his shoulders in annoyance and flopped onto the floor of the corridor. Julius narrowed his eyes, being dazzled by the sun, displaying a wry smile at Subaru’s attitude.

At last, the uncomfortable air surrounding their conversation had dispersed.

Of course, what they had discussed was still lodged in their memories, and lumps still remained in their hearts. But, even so, they could at least work through their frustration together.

——Looking at that image from a distance, the two would seem like a pair of ordinary friends.

 

Translation notes:

[1] – This is the literal translation of “大征伐”, but do take in mind that the Light Novel opted for the term “Great Expedition”, which is not completely wrong either, as “征伐” can also mean “punitive expedition”.