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ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO TAPPEI NAGATSUKI, THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR OF RE:ZERO STARTING A LIFE IN A DIFFERENT WORLD FROM ZERO, THIS IS A TRANSLATION OF THE FREE JAPANESE WEB NOVEL INTO ENGLISH
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Translated by:
- TranslationChicken
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Original credit for this translation goes entirely to TranslationChicken and his team.
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Natsuki Subaru had been born into the lax educational environment of Heisei Era Japan.
If the whole story of the entire seventeen years of his life were to be told, it would probably take all seventeen years to do it.
So, with those parts omitted, a brief explanation of his current position would be along the lines of “a third-year high school hikikomori[1]”.
Or, in a little more detail, it would be “a hopeless shit who goes against his parents’ expectations and shuts himself in his own shell at a time when exams are coming up”.
There were no particular reasons for him to withdraw himself.
One ordinary weekday, the thought just occurred to him that it would be a pain to get up that day, and from there, his absenteeism was under way.
Slipping further and further like this, he took more and more voluntary leaves from school, and, before he knew it, he had become a shut-in who made his parents cry.
Day after day, he spent in indulgent slothfulness, cutting off all communication, submerging himself in the Internet――
Subaru: [In the end, I got summoned to a parallel world… huh.]
???: [Subaru?]
While he was busy muttering to himself and trying hard to organize some understanding of the current situation, two white hands grabbed onto Subaru’s cheeks. Looking up, in front of his eyes, there was the beautiful silver-haired girl who had done so.
――Honestly, a very beautiful girl.
With long silver hair that gleamed like the moonlight and amethyst eyes like embedded gemstones.
Her long lashes were trembling as she gazed at him with a worried gaze that took her beauty beyond the natural order of the world, such that it gave him the illusion that he was seeing some divine art-piece magnificent enough to make all the artists of the world give up their brushes.
And then, there was the question, why would such a beautiful girl be squeezing his face in a close enough range that they could feel each other’s breaths, letting out a “Hmm”? Her smell was super nice.
???: [Subaru?]
Subaru: [Ha, yes, I’m Natsuki Subaru.]
His name being called once again by that voice like the ring of a silver chime, Subaru spasmed out a tense smile in reply.
Not just his face, but even his voice was quaking, and it wasn’t entirely clear whether that could be called a smile. And, for reasons Subaru could not understand, this girl seemed to be especially close to him. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be talking and staring at him in such a super-close distance like this.
???: [Umm, Subaru… everything alright? Sorry, but… you’re acting a little strange.]
Subaru: [S-strange…? What, like my eyes, or something like that?]
???: [Uhhh, not that. Your eyes are still reaaally scary-looking like usual, I guess it’s nothing.]
Subaru: [My eyes are usually reaaally scary-looking!?]
Trying to calm himself down by joking around a bit, he instead got hit by that totally unexpected comment. Watching Subaru recoil from that remark, the gorgeous girl stuck out her tongue a little with “You’re always like this”.
So cute. What’s going on with this girl? Why does she seem so terribly close to me?
And just, what did she mean by “always like this”, and acting so worried――
???: [――Emilia, you might have come to that conclusion too rashly, in fact. Something does seem off, I suppose.]
???: [――? But, Subaru’s eyes just always look like that, I think.]
???: [I’m not talking about Subaru’s scary eyes right now, in fact! I don’t really care if his eyes look scary, I suppose!]
Subaru: [What’s with this about my eyes being scary-looking! It’s a bad hobby to be picking on other people’s weak points, you know! What’s with you people… Ah, no, I mean, you two are, kinda cute and all…]
Propping himself up with great force, Subaru started blowing up in front of the beautiful girl and the one she was talking to―― a little girl cute and fairy-like, dressed in an extravagant dress, sporting a pair of no-less-elegant swirling drill-curls. But his voice quickly trailed off.
Inherently blunt, he had started blurting this out without thinking, before he realized that on the other end were a beautiful woman and a beautiful little girl he had just met. Shutting himself up, now serious, he recognized that he shouldn’t have snapped.
――The situation was too strange.
If what Subaru had imagined was correct, these two girls must be important key persons. Something above the villagers of the first village or anything of the sort.
So, Subaru should straighten himself up and focus on first impressions.
Subaru: [Ahem.]
Coughing once, intending to start over, Subaru turned to face the two in front of him.
Taking the two shocked-looking girls and the giant black lizard curled up behind his back into his gaze, Subaru took a step back, and,
Subaru: [――Let me introduce myself again. My name is Natsuki Subaru!]
Posing by jabbing a finger toward the ceiling, he held his waist with the other hand. Sadly, there was no shiny reflective ball or disco music, but Subaru sparkled his teeth as he said this and tried to make the most of it[2].
Subaru: [Shamefully ignorant, blown here by the immortal winds of gods and demons! An uncouth vagrant, but nonetheless pleased to meet thee!]
??? & ???: [――――]
Listening to him proclaiming this at the top of his voice, for a moment, the other two could only stare at him stupidly.
Getting no reaction at all, Subaru only continued maintaining his pose until there was a reaction. As if whoever moved first would lose, he decided he was in it to win it.
And so, after about ten seconds had passed in silence, the two girls looked at each other, and then,
???: [Well… but we already know you… right?]
???: [This is way too late for self-introductions, in fact.]
Subaru: [Uwaaah!?]
And just like that, yanked out of his high-spirited self-introduction, his thoughts spilled out into that groan.
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――It was only a little later when the seriousness of the situation became apparent.
He was rather proud of that self-introduction, but seeing the way it was received, Subaru couldn’t help but bend his neck. But, after hearing about the situation again from the two girls, it was clear why they had been so surprised.
Subaru and the girls’ memories were different―― while Subaru was supposed to be meeting them for the first time, they already knew who Subaru was.
Of course, there were no such memories on Subaru’s side. So then――
???: [In other words, Subaru… you don’t remember anything? About this Tower, about what happened in Pristella… and, even, about Ram, and Beatrice… and about me too?]
Subaru: [Ummm… yeah, that, seems to be, yes.]
???: [――――]
Seeing Subaru with his knees neatly folded and stuttering out his reply, the beautiful girl widened her eyes. The sight of her pupils violently trembling sent a sense of intense guilt into Subaru’s heart.
But she was not the only one who was shocked by Subaru’s reply.
???: [Your memories… are gone? No way, there’s no way that could happen…]
Muttering this in a whisper, was the pale-faced little girl.
Even more confused than the pretty girl, the younger girl had not been spared from the shock.
As Subaru sat on the side of the bed of ivy, the little girl, sitting beside him, was softly tugging on his sleeve. Seeing her delicate fingers lightly trembling, Subaru’s heart ached.
Subaru: [――――]
Facing the two girls, shocked and lost in front of him, Subaru attempted to think of something to say, but unfortunately, nothing came to him. Honestly, so much cold water had been dumped on him at once that it would have been enough for him to drown in it.
――Initially, what Subaru thought had happened to him had been “just getting summoned to a parallel world”.
While getting summoned to a parallel world, even with “just” attached to it, was already far beyond what would be considered common sense, it turned out to be even further away from it than he had imagined―― although, it could be said that he had almost reached the correct answer.
As far as Subaru was concerned, this was not the familiar world he had lived in for seventeen years.
It was clearly evident just by looking at the outlandish clothing, and the inhuman beauty of these two girls. If that still was not enough, the giant black lizard the size of a horse should also be submitted to the court as evidence.
He had heard of Komodo dragons that were supposed to be pretty big, but that would be nothing compared to the stature of this black lizard. And with the bed and chairs made out of ivy added to that, there was a pretty clear case on hand.
――In other words, this was a world outside all common sense. An alternate, parallel world.
Belonging in the so-called fantasy genre, it was a world wholly unknown to Subaru.
Then the next question would be, why had Subaru been summoned here, and who had been the caster to summon him.
At first, he thought it would have been the two girls in front of him, since that was just how stories usually panned out, and he figured they were probably the main heroines here―― but following that train of thought would be a little strange.
As previously mentioned, the girls knew Subaru, yet Subaru had no memory of this. Their understandings were at odds.
Subaru: [Then I’ve met them already, but I just forgot about it… that’s…]
Trying to process the new information from their latest exchange, Subaru made a difficult face.
At the very least, Subaru’s capacity was already quite overloaded once it dawned on him that he had been summoned to a parallel world. Subaru’s plate was really in no condition to understand that he had actually been active in this parallel world for quite some time before this.
Frankly, Subaru would’ve been more inclined to say something like “Is that even possible?”, and laugh the matter off.
But the beautiful woman and girl seemed dead-serious, and did not appear to be lying, either. Of course, Subaru had no memories of the things these girls were talking about, and he would have stubbornly denied them, if only he did not feel so guilty about the look on these girls’ faces.
In fact, if he had to pick between his own opinions or the girls’, he would probably believe the girls, since he was not even close to trusting himself enough.
Of course, that was not his single reason―― A stronger clue would be the changes to his body.
Subaru: […Yeah, this doesn’t seem to be the same body I came out of the convenience store with.]
Mumbling this, Subaru held up his right arm and opened and closed his fist.
It might have been psychological, but his arm felt a little stronger than before. And on his palm, there seemed to be a few more calluses than he recalled. These were not calluses made from swinging bamboo swords; because, after all, he had not practiced with bamboo swords for over a year now.
Also, those were not the only changes to his arm.
Subaru: [Gross…]
Turning his arm over, Subaru frowned up his face upon laying eyes on its backhand side.
His arm not only felt slightly stronger, but its appearance had become grotesque as well. From his right elbow, all the way up to his wrist, there was a long pattern of black spots―― they bulged out like veins and covered over his arm like a tattoo someone with rather bad taste might have gotten.
If it did not appear to be so organic, it might have been mistaken for a tattoo, but no matter how he picked at it, it was just a part of his arm. Undeniably grotesque.
??? & ???: [――――]
So he scratched at the black spot pattern even harder.
When tracing it with his fingers, the texture felt no different from his skin. It did not hurt on its own, and there was no sort of strange numbness either. And, by digging his nails into it, the corresponding sharp pain came just as he would expect.
If he scratched to his heart’s content, he wondered if the black skin would break and bleed.
――And if it did bleed, would the blood be red?
???: [Subaru…]
Subaru: [Huh! No no, nothing? I just, thought my arm got sunburnt to well-done and was a little bothered by it. That’s all.]
Although he was a bit shocked by the change, when he heard the pretty girl’s worried call, he immediately tried glossing it over with a joke.
One could say it was fortunate, but Subaru was not someone who balked at the sight of wounds on his own body. It was not that he would not feel guilty about damaging the body his parents had bestowed him with, but even without this, his sense of guilt towards his parents was already piling on over and over at this point.
Still, this was a pretty wide area. If he wore long sleeves and perhaps some gloves, he could probably keep it from offending anyone else. Much better.
Subaru: [I usually wear long sleeves anyway, and it’s not illegal to equip some fingerless gloves too. If I ever get into a dangerous situation, I can just yank off the glove and show them the black arm… and they’ll be like, “No way, that guy’s got Black Arm…!”. Isn’t that just exciting to think about?]
??? & ???: [――――]
Subaru licked his parched lips and swooshed his arm around like crazy.
Considering the changes to his arm, as well the strangeness of the whole situation, the believability of the girls’ explanations was very high.
In the first place, Subaru’s most recent memory was “immediately after shopping at the convenience store”.
Subaru was definitely wearing his jersey when he finished shopping, but, right now, far from his favorite old jersey, he was wearing some sort of dirty worn-out travelling clothes. Nor was he wearing sneakers on his feet, and his well-done over-sunburnt arm was not holding a shopping bag either.
Indeed, he had not only jumped worlds, but had leaped through time as well.
Coming out of the convenience store, the moment he blinked his eyes, he woke up here―― that was Subaru’s understanding of it.
If so, then at which moment did he lose consciousness? By the time he realized he was sleeping, he had been woken up by a call. So then, what was up with the blank void before this?
――He was summoned to a parallel world from outside the convenience store, and after some time had passed, he lost his memories.
“Summoned to a parallel world”, sounded like the unraveling of a dream he had dreamt who knows how many times before―― yet he could not simply be pleased to accept this terrible, unexpected gift.
Unbeknownst to Subaru, Subaru had lived for a time in this parallel world, and it was a fact that over that time, Subaru had interacted with and gotten know these girls he did not recognize.
Would it really be alright to believe them, believe in their good will, and stay here with them?
??? & ???: [――――]
Subaru: [Ah, ahhhhhhhh, uhhhhhhhh, that, that’s right! I can understand why you’re feeling down, but I’ll just say one thing, let’s get our spirits up!]
After thinking long and hard about it, Subaru suddenly puffed up with spirit and shouted that out of the blue.
Beside him and in front of him, the downcast expressions on the two girls sent his heart into a passionate boil.
Without a doubt, they were confused and heartbroken about this situation. While it was still a bit hard for Subaru to accept that he was the primary cause of this, he knew he was the only person who could fix it.
So, extending out a hand to each of the astonished girls in a deliberately flashy gesture,
Subaru: [As far as I know, these cases of temporary amnesia usually get better due to some sudden plot development so there’s no need to be too worried. If it’s anything like in movies, it usually gets resolved in one or two hours and then everything goes back to normal for some cliched happy ending. Tragedy is the best spice to lead up to grand happy endings, after all!]
???: [Sorry, I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.]
Subaru: [Ohhhh, kay…?]
???: [But…]
Immediately after Subaru laid down his rapid-fire delivery full of bravado, the beautiful girl informed him that she did not understand any of that. Subaru felt like deflating at those words, but the girl quickly shook her head.
And then, lightly scratching the corner of her eye, with a sudden smile,
??: [Subaru is still Subaru, after all… Mhm, I’m relieved.]
Subaru: [Eh. I-is that right? If you say that, then I guess I feel a little bit relieved as well…]
???: [Eiiiiii!]
Subaru: [W-what did you suddenly do that for!?]
With a vigorous cry, the gorgeous girl slammed her palms onto her own cheeks with a force that could not be overlooked. Clapping down with both hands at once, a crisp sound ringing out, the girl’s cheeks turned bright red.
Seeing Subaru thrown into complete disarray at the sight of that gesture, the pretty girl lightly shook her head, and,
???: [There, I got my spirit back. Being like that is no-good, is it? How could we keep making that troubled face when Subaru must be feeling even more troubled than we are.]
Subaru: [She may not look like it, but this girl is crazy ferocious…]
???: [Quick, Beatrice too!]
With her cheeks still bright red, the pretty girl’s dashing declaration stunned Subaru into a state of shock. And then, with the same fervor, the beautiful girl called to the now-petrified cute little girl sitting beside Subaru.
In front of the pretty girl’s intimidating presence, the little girl in a dress shriveled back a bit, but,
???: [I’m shocked too, and I also understand the sadness… but right now, we have to think about the one who’s taking this the hardest. We have to do something for him, don’t we?]
???: [B-Betty is…]
???: [――――]
The little girl closed her mouth as if searching for what to say.
Seeing her child-like indecision, the beautiful girl did not speak a thing, and only stared and awaited a response.
She could have continued on and pressured her to change her heart. But the girl did not do this. And the reason, was most likely because she had faith in the little girl.
Unable to remember them, Subaru could not possibly understand the trust that existed between these two.
???: [Subaru… must be very distraught right now, I suppose.]
Subaru: […Well I, didn’t really, say that?]
Making an ultra-small effort to salvage some dignity, Subaru quibbled. But seeing that the little girl had not been convinced by this, Subaru ended up scratching his head, and,
Subaru: [Ahhhh, honestly, yeah. Yes, I want you to please help me!]
???: [――――]
After being pushed into a corner, he admitted to the true state of his mind. Seeing this, the little girl’s eyes widened. In her thin, pale-blue eyes, were a pair of the strangest pupils―― For some reason, they appeared to be the wings of butterflies to Subaru.
???: […Auuuuggghhh, just, really! Subaru is just the most hopeless Contractor in the world, in fact!]
The next moment, as if those butterfly wings had fluttered up a tornado, the little girl’s attitude took a hundred-eighty-degree turn. Crossing her short arms, the little girl yelled out in an exacerbated voice.
Seeing her like this, the beautiful girl smiled, and Subaru’s shoulders jumped up. And then, pointing a finger directly at Subaru’s nose,
???: [All the time, you’re just throwing up all sorts of trouble to annoy Betty, I suppose! If you don’t stop it with these, these sloppy, irresponsible shenanigans even Betty is not going to love you anymore, in fact!]
Subaru: [Ohh, ohhhhhhhhh… th-then, t-that means?]
???: [But since you’re sincerely begging for Betty’s help, I’ll let this one go, I suppose―― At any rate, without Betty, Subaru will just be a hopeless lonely wimp who can’t go on living, in fact.]
Subaru: [Did you have to put it like that!?]
The incredible rate at which the little girl escalated the conversation knocked Subaru straight into shell-shock. Without this girl, would he really get so lonely that he could not go on living anymore? How exaggerated could it get?
???: [Hmph, even if you tell me you’ve forgotten, I’ll make you remember, I suppose―― Betty’s Contractor is just an annoying, noisy man who, no matter what happens, will never fade to sepia in my reminiscences or anything like that, in fact.]
Subaru: [There was a lot in there I didn’t understand… but was all that supposed to be talking about me!?]
Setting “Contractor”, or whatever words he felt like he could not ignore, aside, the downcast expression on the little girl’s face seemed to have lifted. And so, he decided to resist the urge to object for now.
Frankly, it was still quite difficult for Subaru to just calmly accept the current situation.
The mess in his head had yet to be sorted out, he still had not completely come to terms with reality, and he was unable to exactly swallow all the explanations as fact.
But even so, for now, the girls’ feelings had been conveyed to him.
Subaru: [My name is Natsuki Subaru. I just got here and don’t even know the left from right yet, but I assume we’re probably friends. And I realize this is a bit brazen, but, I’d like to ask you two a favor.]
Jumping up once more, Subaru jabbed a finger toward the ceiling and announced his name.
And then, shooting his arms toward the two girls in front of him, he tilted his head, and,
Subaru: [――Would you mind… telling me your names please?]
??? & ???: [――――]
Hearing those words, for some reason, the beautiful girl’s throat froze up, and the little girl blinked her eyes.
But this only lasted for a moment. Then, setting that aside at once, smiles gradually emerged on their faces.
???: [My name is Emilia, just Emilia. Nice to meet you, Subaru.]
???: [Betty is the Great Spirit Beatrice, and Subaru is Betty’s Contractor, in fact.]
And, just like this, they told him their names.
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So, after all that, Subaru managed to complete an event that ought to be labelled as a second first-meeting with Emilia and Beatrice, but――
Everyone: [――――]
Over the breakfast table, after explaining the reason why everyone had to reintroduce themselves again, the general mood was like sitting on a mat full of needles.
Naturally, Emilia and Beatrice were present. And aside from those two and himself, there were five other ladies and gentlemen in attendance―― the ratio between gentlemen and ladies was a bit skewed, but at least both genders were represented.
Emilia had explained that they were his companions, having followed Subaru, all currently putting their heads together to capture this Tower―― albeit he hadn’t even realized it was a Tower from the inside.
If he were to describe each of these fabulous members in turn, it would be―― a glamorous woman that was way too sexy-looking, a pretty little girl with a bewitching aura unbefitting of her age, a cute-faced girl with peach-colored hair and an enchanting gaze, an elegant girl with youthful features and a gentle air about her, and, lastly, a handsome young man with upright features surrounded by an air of nobility.
“Everyone is physically attractive”, was Subaru’s miserable realization about this parallel world at this point.
Subaru: [Well… just from personal preference… I still think the beautiful silver-haired Emilia-chan takes first place…]
Everyone: [――――]
He whispered that random innutritious thought out loud, and was met with an extremely cold reception in return.
Well, obviously. After all, they’ve just been told that Subaru had lost his memories―― and had forgotten every single one of them. It was inevitable they would be as stumped as Emilia and Beatrice were.
Emilia: [So, I guess everyone is pretty shocked… Subaru is in quite a situation right now. But, even in a situation like this… no, precisely because the situation is like this, we should give him our support.]
Saying this, Emilia pitched in to help Subaru sum up his situation.
Nonetheless, even in the short time that he had gotten to know her, he could already tell that she was not very good at public speaking. It was only when Beatrice spoke her piece that they had been able to wrest control of the conversation which had been going all over the place.
Thanks to that, Subaru’s condition was just barely communicated to everyone present, when――
???: [――Emilia-sama, are you certain?]
Raising her hand, the girl with peach-colored hair asked Emilia for confirmation. Emilia, who was addressed with the respectful “-sama”, nodded “Mhm”, as if it was matter of course.
Emilia: [That girl is Ram. She’s a maid from the mansion… A maid, do you know what that is?]
Subaru: [No problem at all… but, a maid at a mansion, you say. Hmm, I think I got it.]
The pretty peach-color-haired girl named Ram―― according to Emilia’s supplementary information, was apparently a maid. Judging from the fact that she had a maid with her, Subaru could more-or-less imagine what Emilia’s identity might be, while Ram, who could not care less about that train of thought right now, shot a pale-red, piercing glare at Subaru,
Ram: [Is this some kind of prank, Barusu?]
Subaru: [I know I can’t help but come off as suspicious here, but that’s the truth. Also, what’s with turning my name into a blinding curse[3], oy… And, the sleeping girl back there, are you her older sister?]
Ram: [――――]
Being addressed with that oafish moniker, Subaru frowned and objected. Hearing this, Ram narrowed her eyes.
His question was about the girl in the green-colored room he had woken up in―― who was not among those present here.
With bright, light-blue hair, and facial features identical to Ram’s―― she was sleeping, and no matter what kind of commotion was being thrown up around her, she went on sleeping as though it had anything to do with her. After introducing himself for the second time, she was the first person Subaru asked Emilia and Beatrice about.
According to them, finding a way to wake her from her unwaking slumber was one of the primary reasons they came to capture this Tower.
Subaru: [Sorry I caused all this trouble when you’re trying to wake up your sister. But I honestly have no idea what’s going on with a lot of things right now. So please insult me all you want once I get my memories back.]
Ram: […The way you said that, you really do not remember? That frivolous attitude and tone does not appear to be any different from regular Barusu.]
Subaru: [When you put it like that, it almost sounds like I still got all my good qualities from before, which makes me feel a tad better. Well, they say a person’s nature doesn’t change so easily, so please treat the new me the same way you treated me before!]
Subaru puffed himself up with spirit, and Ram only stared at this irresponsible attitude in disbelief.
Like nothing changed at all. Subaru was so much like his usual self that she could not help but have such doubts. Apart from the memory loss, it was true that it did not seem all that bad.
At least, in terms of interactions, there was no need to worry about anything feeling off.
Subaru: [So that’s basi… Uuoouuhh!?]
???: [Master~?]
Just as he had gotten a breather after Ram’s questioning, Subaru almost flipped upside down with the feeling of a sweet breath blowing into his ear. Completing his emergency sideways trajectory, he looked back and saw the glamorous black-haired girl standing in a position close enough to lick his left ear.
Sporting a black bikini, hot-pants, and a cloak―― the girl seemed to be aiming for a rather specific fetishism. But, what freaked Subaru out wasn’t her clothing, but her movement.
Only a moment ago, she had been sitting cross-legged across from him on the floor. How had she managed to get up and sneak beside him?
Subaru: [Uh, the uhhh…]
Shaula: [It’s Shaula! Master’s favorite disciple, and the Star-Keeper of this Pleiades Watchtower!]
Subaru: [Star-Keeper…? Also, by Master… you mean me…?]
Shaula: [Yes!]
Beaming a smile that could outshine the sun at Subaru, who was pointing a finger at himself, the beautiful girl―― Shaula, nodded. The sight of that carefree smile completely turned Subaru’s impression on its head.
In terms of outer appearance, she seemed to be the girl closest to marriageable age in the group, and, combined with that fashion choice, he originally thought there was an especially mature allure about her. But her attitude was like that of a child. Or rather, like a puppy that was overjoyed to be noticed by its master, or something like that.
In fact, she wasn’t too far from Subaru’s impression; Shaula was wagging her black ponytail behind her like a dog wagging its tail.
Shaula: [Say, Master… you’re still not tired of playing around like this~? Just how many times do you have to forget me before you cut that ouuut?]
Subaru: [It’s not like it’s a matter of having had enough or not! Actually, are you telling me my memories get lost very often!? Did crossing dimensions make my memories easy to lose or something!?]
Hearing Shaula’s air-headed comment, Subaru looked around at the others to make sure.
Although Subaru had been barely able to accept the reality of his memory loss, having it happen frequently was a whole other story. That was not just a predisposition anymore, that would be an actual illness. Were he constantly losing his memories because of some endemic parallel world disease, that would be quite a bit more serious than just making daily life inconvenient.
Subaru: [What is it? Do I really lose my memories that often?]
Beatrice: [No, of course not, calm down, I suppose. Shaula, don’t make Subaru more confused than he already is, in fact. He’s just finally settled down too…]
Holding Subaru’s left hand, Beatrice, who had been sitting beside him all along, sighed. She shot Shaula a piercing stare, and in return, Shaula stuck out her tongue with “Weh~”,
Shaula: [I wasn’t trying to trouble master, you knooow. Ah, but then, if that makes Master’s head get filled with Shaula, then that’s ok too, isn’t iiit. Ohhh, I’m such a fiendish giiirl. Master, do you like fiendish girls?]
Subaru: [At this point in time, fiendish just means confusing, so no thank you. Right now I only want help from an angel, goddess or fairy, so I’ll leave the half-naked onee-sama type for another occasion.]
Shaula: [Tchiii~, that’s so mean! Even though my boobs are so big, Master’s so mean~.]
In front of Shaula’s ever-escalating affection towards him, Subaru declined her offer with an awkward smile. Honestly, he didn’t dislike her at all, but he could tell that her affection was not directed at the Subaru of this moment, but at the “Master” Subaru of her devotions.
In fact, Emilia and Beatrice’s fondness of him must have been the same as well――
???: [Really, onii-san’s such a headache-san.]
Regardless of Subaru’s inner thoughts, the little girl commented in her sweet voice.
Her appearance was that of a little girl about the same age as Beatrice, but unlike Beatrice’s fairy-like features, her face was still within the realm of human cuteness. Her deep-blue hair was tied in a French braid, a rather unbecoming seductive gaze being emitted from her eyes.
Subaru: [I should like to have a word with your parents, baby.]
???: [――It’d be better if you don’t. Onii-san and Momma won’t get along, you know. Also, aren’t we talking about onii-san’s memories right now?]
Subaru: [Even if you say that, there’s no way to get them back right away… For now, your name’s more important. Tell me that, and we’ll have taken the first step in our friendship, you know!]
???: [Pfft… friendship.]
The little girl covered her mouth and quietly snickered at Subaru. He was not sure what was so funny. It was like a snicker somewhere in between mocking and speechlessness, and yet, it was neither of the two.
Subaru could not understand why she was laughing like that, but,
???: [I’m Meili, onii-san. If you haven’t forgotten your sewing skills along with your memories, I still hope you could make me stuffed animals again.]
Subaru: [Ohhh, my hidden power has already been revealed? Sounds like I’m pretty fond of Meili, huh. Are you also kinda a younger sister like Beatrice?]
Beatrice: [That girl was an assassin sent to murder Subaru and Betty, I suppose.]
Subaru: [What kind of joke is that!?]
Beatrice dumped a rather heavy-weight joke on him, but, for some reason, no one else was denying it. Unless… Subaru looked at Meili, and she gave him a little smile and waved her hand.
Subaru had no idea what actually happened, but this little girl being an assassin―― still sounded a bit unrealistic. Although, maybe it would not hurt to stay on the safe side.
Subaru: [So then, Ram and Shaula and Meili have all introduced themselves. Then the next would be…]
Setting his various questions about Meili aside for now, Subaru turned his sights on the remaining two people―― to the light-purple-haired girl in a scarf, and the handsome-featured youth.
Of all those present, only these two had yet to utter a single word since Subaru’s situation had been explained. And, to Subaru, with the gender ratio excessively tilted towards females, that youth was the only person of the same gender as him. So he was quite looking forward to what he had to say, but,
???: [――――]
The silent youth’s yellow eyes were trembling, and a ghastly aura was emanating from him as he sat there. It was an atmosphere that made one hesitate to speak to him, and Subaru could not speak easily as well.
Even for Subaru, who was universally recognized for his inability to read the mood, seeing the youth like this made him reluctant to put a foot forward.
Perhaps, out of all the people in this room, he was the one whom this had hit the hardest.
???: [Just…]
???: […Hm.]
???: [Just, give him some time to compose himself. That should be fine, no?]
In that youth’s stead, it was the pretty girl in a scarf who spoke, lightly raising her hand. Her clothing seemed to be quite a bit warmer than the others, and, contrary to her cute appearance, her tone was a tad tomboyish―― the so-called bokukko[4] atmosphere breaching. And just like this, she sliced through the congealing atmosphere.
Either way, her words had salvaged the conversation. Although, for some reason, Emilia and everyone else seemed terribly confused about something just now.
Subaru: [Ahh, yeah, of course. It’s my bad for suddenly shocking everyone with this…]
???: [The way I see it, it’s not only that…]
Subaru: [Ohhhh, it’s a bokukko?]
So this girl who gave off the impression of a bokukko, actually did refer to herself with “boku”.
With a thoughtful expression, the girl fiddled with her scarf and smiled bitterly at Subaru’s words,
???: [For now, you may call me Anastasia. In fact, were it not for your shocking revelation, it would have been me in your position, making a shocking revelation of my own. But it seems, there has been a mix-up.]
Subaru: [A shocking revelation, huh?]
Unsure what kind of revelation she was planning to make, Subaru seemed perplexed by her words, but Anastasia only lightly smiled, and did not answer him. All the while, watching their exchange, the expressions on Emilia and Beatrice’s faces also seemed as though they were puzzled by something.
They did not know what Anastasia was going to confess either―― but there appeared to be something else that was bothering them.
Ram: [In any case, it seems Knight Julius needs some time to settle down… so let’s prepare breakfast in the meantime. Emilia-sama, may I borrow Barusu to fetch some water with me?]
Subaru: [Eh?]
Standing up from her seat, Ram patted her knees as she said this.
Her dislike of the stagnancy of the situation, it was encouraging that she’d suggested making use of the time. It made rational sense, yet something about it felt off as Emilia’s face seemed surprised by this unexpected request.
No matter what, to ask an amnesiac Subaru to accompany her in getting water would just be――
Emilia: [Subaru’s memories are muddled up, maybe it’s better to let him rest…]
Ram: [Even if we let him rest, there is no way for him to recover his memories right away. Barusu said this himself. Besides, whether he has his memories or not, Barusu is still a servant under Roswaal-sama’s employment. He is just a bit more forgetful than usual, to use that as an excuse for slacking off is unforgivable.]
Subaru: [That’s pretty harsh, Ram-chan… Ram-san?]
Ram: [――――]
She shot him a glare, and Subaru’s shoulders shrunk and shriveled.
Even so, perhaps Ram was right. Although Subaru was currently in a difficult situation, he wouldn’t feel comfortable being overly pampered because of it. Besides――
Subaru: [――――]
Watching the downcast youth supported by Anastasia, Subaru felt that he should not be at this place, at least until the youth had settled down.
Or maybe it was because she noticed this, that she wanted to bring Subaru out of the room.
Subaru: [If that’s the case, I shouldn’t underestimate you, Ram…]
Ram: […Anyways, let’s go, Barusu. I do not expect other capabilities from you, but at least you should have no problem drawing water.]
Emilia: [Oh, then we could…]
Ram: [If Barusu is too spoiled, it will not do him any good.]
Perhaps calling her name without any suffixes was the correct answer, since this time Ram did not object. Instead, she stopped Emilia, who wanted to come along.
Just as Emilia was about to argue, Subaru cut in with “It’s fine, it’s fine.”,
Subaru: [Ram’s got a point. Aside from what’s in my brain, my body is fine, and I heard that I’m supposed to be a servant? Like a scullery boy? Seems like it I guess, so in that case I should go draw some water and resume my duties.]
Emilia: […Subaru ,you’re not a servant, you’re my…]
Subaru: [I’m your, what? ――! Unless uh, I… I’m, your l-l-l… l-l… l-lover or…]
Emilia: [No, no, it’s absolutely totally not that at all.]
Subaru: [It’s absolutely totally not that at all!? Well, yeah I guess…]
Breathing heavily through his nostrils, asking this full of hope, he had been immediately shot down by Emilia.
She was definitely his type all the way, but this highborn flower was too far out of his reach. Memories or not, how could Subaru possibly hope to come within reach of such lovely petals?
Subaru: [Anyways, don’t mind me, go take care of your end. Hopefully by the time I come back, he’ll feel a little better…]
Emilia: […Mhm, you’re right. I understand. I’ll try to talk to him somehow.]
Putting jokes aside, Subaru lowered his voice and whispered this to Emilia while pointing in the direction of the young man. The youth seemed to be exchanging words with Anastasia, but for some reason, he did not appear to be feeling any better.
It would be great if Emilia and Beatrice could better his mood even slightly.
Somehow, he felt that he should not expect Shaula or Meili to be of much help in the matter.
Subaru: [By all means, I’m counting on Betty. I’ll leave it to you, Contract-ko.]
Beatrice: [――I’d prefer if you don’t call me that, in fact.]
Subaru: [――? Aw, really? Then, just Beatrice?]
Beatrice: […That’s, good enough for now, I suppose. Subaru can leave it to Betty, in fact.]
Still holding his hand, Beatrice slightly objected to what Subaru called her. Seeing her reaction, Subaru got the feeling that he had made the wrong choice in the end, but still did not know how to fix it.
Then, Beatrice let go of Subaru’s hand so he could go fetch water, and turned her eyes toward Ram,
Beatrice: [Older of the sisters, I’ll entrust Subaru to you, I suppose.]
Ram: [Understood, but we are not going far; I doubt it will be dangerous.]
Beatrice: [It was precisely in that kind of un-dangerous place that Subaru lost all his memories, in fact.]
Ram: [Good point.]
Subaru: [Ughhh, can’t argue with that at all…]
Listening to the exchange between Beatrice and Ram, Subaru was stuck with this unpleasant consensus. Just then, Emilia brought back a water bucket from the edge of the room.
Handing the bucket to Subaru,
Emilia: [Just go slowly with Ram and take your time. I’ll try my best to calm him down before you get back.]
Subaru: [Ah, alright, do your best. I’ll leave it to you, Emilia-chan.]
Emilia: [――Mhm.]
For just a moment, there was a pause before she replied, but Subaru did not pursue it. Having been beckoned by Ram to hurry up with a “Barusu”, Subaru took the bucket in one hand and followed her out of the room. As he left, he stole a glance in the direction of the youth, but he still appeared to not be ready for conversation.
Subaru: […So, uh, would it be alright if I ask what’s that all about?]
Ram: [You mean Knight Julius? That is quite cruel of you, Barusu.]
Subaru: [It’s, cruel…?]
Now only the two of them, while walking down the hallway side by side with Ram, Subaru asked about the youth in that room, who seemed to have been so shocked to the point of speechlessness.
Ram’s reply was that he was cruel, and he had picked up that the youth’s name was Julius, a name that gave off quite a smart impression, he thought.
Subaru: [I guess we can leave him to Emilia and Beatrice, that’s why you brought me out here, isn’t it? It wasn’t just to fetch water, right?]
Having put a little distance between the room and themselves, Subaru got straight to the point with Ram.
Ram: [――――]
Subaru: [Not talking, huh. I mean, I’m not saying that for sure, I could be wrong and it could turn out to be really super embarrassing for me maybe.]
Ram: [――――]
Subaru: […Unless, it was really just to get water? Um, uh, if that’s the case please forget what I said, uhh, now that I think about it, all that smug-faced “something must be up?” was just totally cringey right now.]
Ram: [――――]
Subaru: [Ah?]
Thinking he had probably gotten it wrong, Subaru’s face was starting to tense up from the lack of a response. But, just as he was trying to find some way to smooth it over, Ram stopped in her tracks suddenly.
Going ahead for two extra steps before realizing that she had stopped, Subaru stopped as well and turned around towards Ram. She lightly brushed her peach-colored hair, and,
Ram: [――Enough, you may drop the tedious act now, Barusu.]
Then, with a slight tinge of anger in her crimson pupils, she spoke.
Subaru: [Eh? The act…?]
Ram: [That was the whole point of changing locations, you understand that, don’t you? You did not have to make a girl so embarrassed, disgusting.]
Subaru: [Disgusting!]
Not understanding what she was trying to say, Subaru furrowed his brows. But in the meantime, Ram hugged her own elbows, and shook her head at his stupid-looking expression.
Ram: [Anyways, since this is Barusu, he must have come up some kind of half-assed plan again. Never mind the indiscrete Emilia-sama, the opposing faction Anastasia-sama, and the untrustworthy Shaula… At least tell Ram what you are up to.]
――That way, in case of emergency it will be easier to coordinate.
With that as the subtext, Ram plainly said this to Subaru.
Receiving this, Subaru’s eyes drifted for a bit, before bringing up his sable right arm and scratching hard at his black hair.
Subaru: [About that, uhh. Ram, what you said just now. It’s not that I don’t understand, but…]
Ram: [But?]
Subaru: [Sorry, but, this is really not an act nor a prank nor anything. I really don’t remember. Sorry I can’t live up to your expectations.]
Ram: [Stubborn. Barusu always likes to go at it alone, but this time it concerns me as well. Ram has a stake in what happens to Rem. So I am afraid you have to let me in on this.]
Subaru: [No, but I mean…]
Who was being stubborn here; Subaru felt himself at a loss with Ram insisting like this.
No doubt she could not accept the fact that he had lost his memories, but Subaru was at a complete loss seeing her so obstinate. In the end, how would pretending to lose his memories help capture this Tower, anyway?
Ram: [Even though Ram does not understand… If it’s Barusu, Barusu always has a plan. So, come clean with me. I will keep it secret.]
Subaru: [Although sharing a secret just between the two of us sounds enticing and all…]
She had no awareness of the details, but she was certain Subaru had a plan.
The way Ram had stated so had brought him such surprise that he stood there stunned for a moment. But even if she questioned him with this flimsy logic, Subaru was unknowledgeable on how to reply.
Come to think of it, she had said “If it’s Subaru”; just how much faith did she have in him?
But, while Subaru was busy being occupied with these thoughts, Ram――
Ram: [Barusu.]
Subaru: [Hm…? Eh, oy!?]
Suddenly taking a step forward, Ram closed in and swung her arm, sending the bucket in Subaru’s left hand flying. Metal struck upon the stone floor, the high-pitched noise echoing down the hallway.
Shocked, Subaru was about to raise his voice to ask her why she did that. But――
Subaru: [Uh, ugh.]
A hand clenched onto his collar, and by the time he noticed he had lost his footing, he was already pinned against the wall.
Letting out a small cry at the pain of his back striking against the wall, Subaru realized it was because of the petite girl in front of him.
He belatedly realized it, but he did not know what was the point of it.
Subaru: [What, what’re you doing…]
Ram: [Tell me. If you do not cut this out, Ram also has some other ideas.]
Subaru: [――Tch! The hell are you talking about! Didn’t I tell you I got nothing!? I’m not lying to you! I…]
Faced with her quiet threat and use of violence, even Subaru’s patience had reached its limit. How many times did he have to say it before she believed him?
Just like this, he tried to grab of Ram’s wrist that was clenching onto his collar, when――
Ram: [――That is enough, spit it all out!!]
Subaru: [――――]
Hearing this up-close bark, Subaru’s anger scattered away through his ears.
Perhaps it was the shock―― but it was not only that. There was shock. But after the shock of this sudden scream, he felt her strength falling away.
But, aside from this, there was still something else that stopped Subaru from acting.
Ram: [Spit it, out…]
That voice was trembling terribly.
Hearing this, even without his memories, Subaru nonetheless felt its impact.
The impact was not only because she had betrayed his impression of her, but because of another, indeterminate reason as well.
Ram: […Please, spit it all, out.]
Subaru: [Ra, m?]
Ram: […Please.]
Softly, leaning her forehead against Subaru’s chest, the girl spilled this out in a trembling voice. Having entirely lost the force of a moment ago, the only thing that remained was sorrow.
She was not crying. Because she was not so fragile.
She was not grieving. Because she was not so kind to herself.
――Only, held within that voice, was a sorrow that had no place to go.
――To whom, or where, or what was it pointed?
Ram: [If even Barusu has forgotten, then Ram is… then Rem…]
Subaru: [――――]
Ram: [Then Rem… she…]
Rem, that was the name of her little sister. Sleeping in a bed in the Green Room, a sleeping princess who looked exactly like her.
That girl, and her older sister in front of him, just what must have happened between Subaru and them? It was not something Subaru could imagine at this moment.
All Subaru knew was that Ram was truly clinging onto something that Subaru had forgotten.
Subaru: […I’m sorry.]
His arms dropping, watching her as she pressed her forehead against his chest so he could not see her expression, Subaru quietly sent an apology her way.
Was it an apology for what he had forgotten, or an apology because he could not answer her?
It was certainly both, and some other emotions mixed in as well.
Ram: [――――]
Other than that, Ram did not speak further.
Subaru did not speak any either. Only, feeling Ram grabbing tightly onto his shirt, he closed his eyes.
――Only the bucket that had rolled onto the floor was staring at the two, helplessly leaning against each other.
Translation notes:
[1] Meaning NEET, aka shut-ins that never leave their room.
[2] For those unaware, the pose Subaru has liked to bust out since the start of the story is a reference to the 1977 film Saturday Night Fever, starring John Travolta (see the poster here).
[3] A reference to Hayao Miyazaki’s “Laputa: Castle in the Sky”. Balse/Barusu (バルス) is the name of a spell, which causes a member of the cast to go blind.
[4] A girl that uses the pronoun “boku” (ボク), which is primarily used by boys and young men. Most are tomboys or completely unaware of social norms.
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