Arc 6 – Chapter 37, “A Papier-Mâché’s Dream”

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ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO TAPPEI NAGATSUKI, THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR OF RE:ZERO STARTING A LIFE IN A DIFFERENT WORLD FROM ZERO, THIS IS A TRANSLATION OF THE FREE JAPANESE WEB NOVEL INTO ENGLISH

JAPANESE WEB NOVEL SOURCE.

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Translated by :

  • Ice_Occultism, /u/Ice_Occultism

Proofread by:

  • Furuta, /u/GracedHarperd
  • Review, /u/ReviewR524

Fan Art Created by :

Disclaimers:

  • Note to anyone reading this, it’s in the process of retranslation, this was one of my first ever TLs and it’s very poor quality, so I am trying to fix a lot of it.View Here

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The search of the third floor library, 『Taygeta』had ended with absolutely no results.

[Emilia: I am so sorry… I tried reaaally hard to look for clues…]

Emilia bowed her head in apology towards Subaru after bringing him such fruitless news. Subaru accepts the apology; however, he cannot help but feel big disappointment at how the search had turned out. Of course, it certainly would have been for the best if he could have regained his memories here. But, in spite of his lack of awareness in how he had lost his memories in the first place, Subaru did not feel overly emotional that the search party had yielded unsuccessful results.

[Shaula: …? Master, what’s up~?]

[Subaru: Huh, Oh… it’s nothing.]

Subaru glances towards Shaula who was looking at him with a happy-go-lucky expression on her face. Her long, jet-black braided hair was swung across her shoulder.

There was no ill-will, malice, or even any profound meaning in anything she spoke. In the end, that cheerful attitude Shaula possesses was a salvation to Subaru in his current state. At least it was better than seeing the others constantly worry over him, watching over every single step of his.

[Julius: Apparently, it seems like the books do not stay in the same place. It would have been too much to ask to have found them lined up and ordered by their titles or in chronological order. Books which we would have found yesterday on one bookshelf cannot be found today on the same one.]

[Subaru: This happens to be such a troublesome and unfriendly library…]

Subaru wrinkled his nose towards Julius’ remarks. Not only does the library boast an overwhelming collection of books, but the books happen to move around scrambling themselves on their own accord. Subaru had completely given up hope at ever being this library’s customer. Even if there happened to be something within these books, they would never find it.

[Subaru: Why can’t we just pull out each book one by one and stack them onto the floor? There has to be an end to this bunch of bookshelves going around the room. If you pick one shelf as a starting point and follow the bookshelves around the library, surely you will find something?]

[Echidna: In my opinion, it’d be wiser to stop. Perhaps what we are doing may be prohibited by the tower’s rules. We cannot risk showing any disrespect to this library.]

Echidna, cocking her head to the side, had dismissed Subaru’s suggestion. Beatrice crosses her arms and agrees with Echidna with a curt “I suppose”.

[Beatrice: Betty being an experienced librarian could never overlook leaving a book on the floor. You cannot show such disrespect to books like that, I suppose.]

[Ram: Beatrice-sama, I feel that there was a large amount of books left on the floor back at your library.]

[Beatrice: Those were the books that instructed me how to correctly arrange the library – it was only right to keep them on the floor!] 1

Ram narrows her eyes at Beatrice’s awkward excuse, though she does not deign to reply back to her. Beatrice sighs, looking positively shocked that Ram had made that accusation. Alongside this librarian-talk, Subaru butts in and says: “Prohibited by the Tower’s rules?” with a puzzled expression on his face.

[Subaru: I am sorry – it looks like this is something I’ve not heard of again… what is prohibited?]

[Emilia: Oh, I am sorry; it looks like I didn’t explain it properly.]

Emilia raises her hand to answer Subaru’s question.

[Emilia: There are certain things we can’t do in this tower… Um, such as: don’t leave this tower until we finish its『Trial』, don’t do anything bad to the library, don’t damage the tower, those kinds of rules.]

[Subaru: Well, who would have guessed that putting books on the floor in this library was a bad thing… By the way, who judges whether we’ve broken any rules?]

[Shaula: Yeah, yeaaah! I’m the Stars-Keeper! If a rule violation happens, I will become a cold-blooded killing machine who you will all be scaaared of~! ]

[Subaru: You…? A cold-blooded killing machine…?]

Subaru could only laugh dubiously at Shaula who was waving her hands about whilst she made this proclamation. No matter how much you believe of Shaula’s frivolous speech, he thought it unlikely that she could ever transform into a cold-blooded killing machine. In the first place, how much damage could she really do with the slender arms of a woman? Even that should not be acceptable in this magical fantasy world.

In fact, Subaru had heard that Shaula was not his or Emilia’s ally, but rather was the Stars-Keeper of this Pleiades watchtower. She held a different position compared to how Meili had found herself here. Supposedly, she was here to aid in advancing the『Trial』inside this tower. Yet he had no such impression of her actually doing this.

[Subaru: If you seriously hold such an important position, will our friendship let me off the hook?]

[Shaula: Oh, you are such a baaaad guy! Master is quite dirty! The way that you are a little evil is quite nice~! I love hearing such a request from Master, but that is irrelevant to my will! Give up on that hope and show good sportsmanship – act fair and square and give it your all!]

[Subaru: You’re no use!]

[Shaula: Hn-]

His strategy of trying to bring her to his side ended with unexpected failure as her authority did not grant him such allowances. At the same time, she had been poking her forehead over and over again during the middle of the conversation, whilst giving Subaru a charming smile. Subaru could only sigh in response at seeing such a comical scene.

[Emilia: – it seems that Subaru and Shaula are both really good friends…]

Emilia whispered this just after Subaru had finished talking with Shaula. Hearing Emilia whisper it to him, Subaru immediately turned to face her and awkwardly stammered a “No, no, no, that isn’t so!” to her.

[Emilia: …………]

His attempt to lighten the mood of the situation was not working; Subaru immediately stops when he sees Emilia’s expression. Emilia was not smiling. Looking up at her amethyst eyes, Subaru felt that within them was an unmistakable sign of great loneliness. Subaru’s face sunk at seeing her expression – immediately noticing his reaction, Emilia frantically waved her hands back and forth at him in denial.

[Emilia: Oh, no, it’s really good that you’re both friends! Such a gloomy face does not suit Subaru… yeah, it’s okay.]

Feigning a smile, Emilia somehow blurted those words out.

[Subaru: Ah, Emilia-chan, you know, I…]

Subaru holds his head as he struggles to find anything he could say to comfort Emilia. He feels like he would be in the wrong no matter what he’d say. Likely the only way he could find a correct answer would be amidst his vanished memories. He was in a nightmarish situation where all the options that were presented are probably false answers. Under these circumstances, saying anything to the sad girl sitting in front of him would be –

[?: Hey, so what are you going to do now?]

A soft voice had broken the awkward silence. It had been Meili who had asked this from where she sat on Taygeta’s floor, resting her chin in her hands. She looked up at the adults in the room and spoke,

[Meili: We can’t find any leads to recovering Onii-san’s memories here. It’s a shame, but I wonder what we should do next… are we still trying to find clues on how he lost his memory? Or…?]

Meili doesn’t finish her question; instead she turns her face upwards and points at the ceiling. She was smiling quite provocatively.

[Meili: Let’s go upstairs? Let’s postpone finding Onii-san’s memory for a short while.]

[Echidna: …Yes, that seems like a good idea.]

Having heard Meili’s suggestion, it was Echidna who had considered her advice and agreed to it.

Emilia’s eyes widened at hearing her agreement.

[Emilia: Wait… I feel the same sense of wanting to hasten… but I can’t leave Subaru like he is.]

[Echidna: I understand your view. It would be certainly preferable for me, Julius and everyone to return Natsuki-kun’s memory… However, we can’t ignore the current situation either. Natsuki-kun’s memories ceasing to exist may be linked to the tower’s『Trial』.]

[Emilia: Subaru’s memories are linked to the『Trial』?]

It wasn’t just Emilia who had reacted like this; the others had all turned their heads in surprise towards Echidna as she said this. Realising she had the attention of everyone, Echidna closed one of her eyes and said: “Look!”

[Echidna: There is no doubt that common sense barely applies when it comes to this tower, however, it would be foolish to think what happened to Natsuki-kun is unrelated to the tower. That’s why we all went to Taygeta – we thought that this part of the tower had stolen his memories.]

[Subaru: I think that sounds sorta cool, that memories can be stolen by the tower. If it wasn’t me who was experiencing this I would be excited to hear more of the story… but, to begin with, Taygeta’s『Trial』is complete – isn’t it strange to try and pull out my memories from here?]

[Echidna: Yeah. Therefore I think that your memories weren’t stolen because of the『Trial』, but rather because you must have broken one of the rules. It’s just like taking out a book and disrespecting the library. Even though Taygeta’s trial is over, there still remain more within the tower.]

Echidna had explained her reasoning and Subaru was left to puzzle it over in his mind. In conclusion,

Echidna’s reasoning alluded to this:

[Subaru: I guess yesterday I must have broken one of the rules of this place and bam, it destroyed my memories. To be honest, trying to search for loopholes sounds like something I would do. I am not able to make any objection to her reasoning.]

[Emilia: But, won’t that have made Shaula angry?]

Echidna had nodded at Subaru acknowledging his conclusion; however Emilia had butted in and pointed towards Shaula, clearly remembering their previous interaction.

[Emilia: If he had violated any rules, won’t that have made Shaula angry? It should be a completely different story to what we are experiencing here.]

[Ram: That’s right. I understand the possibility that Barusu foolishly broke the rules, but Shaula has not bared her fangs yet at Ram or any of you. What do you make of that?]

Ram glares at Shaula with her pale, red eyes. Beholding her gaze, Shaula leapt up with an “Eeep”, and hid behind Subaru.

[Ram: No way, did you abandon your role because of Barusu?]

[Julius: That is very optimistic of you to say. However, as Miss Shaula said some time ago, I am not aware of her being the one who is the executor of all the punishments for breaking the rules of this tower.]

Shrugging his shoulders, Julius stands next to Echidna and supports her opinion.

[Julius: If we are presented with four things which are prohibited, and you break one, the given penalty may not be equal for us. Miss Shaula could turn into our enemy and in some cases attack us, for example desecrating the Library in some way could result in having your memories stolen…]

Julius had turned his yellow eyes towards Subaru and spoken these words in quite a severe tone.

[Subaru: …………]

There were some really complex emotions swimming inside Julius’ eyes which Subaru could not distinguish. Julius continued his speech with: “Although,”

[Julius: We do not have any time or actual proof to test whether this guess is correct.]

[Ram: There is a way to do it, we can just sacrifice the 4 or 5 hours of memory that Barusu has had since he’s been awake. That ensures that the damage will be minimal.]

[Subaru: Stop using people’s memories as guinea pigs! Memories still shape that person! Even if it’s only 4 or 5 hours, I am still myself! I’m not an evil version of Natsuki Subaru!]

[Ram: I was joking.]

Subaru’s entire body shivered at Ram’s blunt remark which she had said behind his back. Whether it had been a joke or not, Subaru had no clue. It was likely it was, dare he say that her lofty attitude was probably just a façade. It is in her nature that she does not want to show any weakness to people, after all could it be related to what had happened a short while ago. In the end, it wouldn’t surprise him if she just wished to erase her embarrassment from the time when Subaru had seen her frail side.

Anyways, other than whether Echidna and Julius’ reasoning are correct or not, one possibility is worth considering. Regarding his memory loss, that…

[Subaru: To put things plainly… both of your opinions, whether it’s a joke or has a nugget of truth within it, maybe we’re all grasping at straws here. Maybe we should give up for now, before things get worse. Right now we’re just floundering blindly in trying to find the memories that I lost.]

[Emilia: Does what you’re thinking have any basis at all?]

[Subaru: My reasoning is quite sensible. Besides, if this is really part of the tower’s『Trial』then maybe if we clear it I’ll get my memories back, right?]

[Emilia: ……………………]

Subaru shook his finger at Emilia, who glanced down away from him. However, she hadn’t reacted negatively to his thoughts. Rather, there was a trace of hope beginning to appear on her face. Suddenly, placing her palm on her chest, Emilia began to rapidly nod.

[Emilia: Yes, that’s right! If Subaru’s memory has been sucked up by the tower, then it may return after completing its『Trial』]

[Subaru: The expression you used, “being sucked up” is quite cute, heh, but that’s the spirit!] 2

[Emilia: Yes, that’s the spirit!]

Subaru smiles at Emilia as she had jumped up and made a cute triumphant pose. Beatrice, who had been looking on, shook her head,

[Beatrice: Really, I don’t understand which one of you is more encouraged.]

To Beatrice, she seemed to have an opposite take on what Subaru had said. He had thought what he had said was fine – after all, he had found some hope in this situation, and some of the light had returned to Emilia’s eyes. For that, Subaru had felt quite a great sense of relief. Such a gloomy face did not suit a young lady like her. Besides, she had been worrying about Subaru from the depths of her heart. Does she not feel sorry when seeing that Subaru had caused Emilia to look in such a dispirited way?

[Subaru: I made a move on a woman who was way out of my league…]

[Beatrice: I have no idea what he is saying – for now we will adjourn finding Subaru’s memory, I suppose. So if we can complete the tower’s 『Trial』, we should do as Meili suggested and go upstairs.]

[Subaru: Upstairs. So you said we are on the third floor now, so the next floor up is the second.]

Subaru looks around the library seeing only bookshelves wherever he looks. He can’t find anything that resembles a set of stairs that lead up.

[Subaru: Where is the staircase that leads to the second floor?]

[Julius: It’s located on the fourth floor – there’s a staircase there that leads up to the second floor.]

Emilia stared at Julius with a concerned look on her face. Seeing her, Julius knitted his eyebrows as if to ask her if she was worried about him.

[Julius: I will not act rashly without consulting any of you like yesterday. It is as I promised at breakfast. However, even if I hadn’t…]

[Ram: Reid, the first『Sword Saint』, is a very tough opponent. Now then, what do you suppose we should do?]

Julius and Ram exchanged bitter looks. It wasn’t just those two that seemed to share this feeling, but everyone around him had a similar look on their faces. That is, other than Shaula, who had shrieked in terror and was grimacing–

[Shaula: Ah, sorry. What do you mean, Reid?]

As usual, it was Natsuki Subaru that had been left behind in this situation.

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The first『Sword Saint』, Reid Astrea.

That is the name of the man who guarded the second floor of the Pleiades watchtower. In the first place, the title of『Sword Saint』was something Subaru had heard for his first time. However, when he had heard that he was of the first generation of this lineage, he gets the premonition that this man could be likened to a powerful fictional character from his knowledge of these subcultures. His prediction is quite accurate, in fact the people who hold the title『Sword Saint』are all extremely powerful.

It seemed that yesterday, the party that had challenged Reid had experienced the difference in strength between them, rather like the difference between an adult and a child. Amongst them, it was only Emilia who had achieved some sort of victory through both skill and luck…

[Subaru: The problem is that I’ve lost my memory and I can’t even do anything useful…]

At the breakfast table where everyone had been trying to distract themselves from their uneasiness, he had tried to think of a novel idea to clear the tower with a bang. As far as he knew the『Trial』on the second floor seemed to require pure strength. In this situation, there was no place at all for his guile or knowledge of the modern world.

[Subaru: I’d probably get some flour and attack him with a dust explosion or something like that…]

His strongest signature ability: “Dust Explosion” – he would need to fine-tune quite a large amount of flour to activate it. In the first place, Subaru imagines there wouldn’t be an abundant amount of flour lying around in this place where food was scarce. In fact, it was unknown to him whether there was any flour at all in this place.

[Subaru: Hm, then I hope I can activate the secret cheat ability that I must have gotten from being summoned into this world.]

Subaru punches the wall next to him with his palm, yelling out a “HA!” in an attempt to see if he could activate it. There was no shockwave emitted from his palm, nor had the stone wall he had punched shattered into little pieces. As he feels the pain from hitting the stone wall with his palm, Subaru’s heart begins to sink.

Unfortunately, the secret cheat ability that had been given to Subaru seemed to not be related to great physical strength. In a last attempt, Subaru places his hands on the wall and kicks it with all his might. All that resulted was that he left a footprint on the place he had kicked the wall – as well as a stubbed toe.

[Subaru: Well it must be magic! Beatrice, tell me how to use some magic.]

[Beatrice: Magic… Subaru can never use that ever again.]

[Subaru: Ever again!? Why!? Did something happen with a spell!?]

[Beatrice: You used too much beginner’s magic despite being told not to use it and it broke your gate, I suppose. Therefore, Subaru will never be able to use magic again.]

[Subaru: It broke from using beginner’s magic!?]

Subaru had the urge to cry out to the heavens, having heard that he indeed had possessed magical powers, but could not use them anymore to live life as a mage – and worst of all it had been him casting beginner’s magic that had destroyed his magical gate. Regardless of his loss of memories, Natsuki Subaru’s life in a different world had started from the very bottom.

[Subaru: Is it at least a blessing that these people are helping me?]

Clenching his hand into a fist, Subaru sighs and accepts his lack of superpowers. Even if he couldn’t remember them, it was relieving that there were people here who knew him. Without them, he would have been alone in this unknown world without any special abilities. To be honest, he does not think he was skilful enough to survive without any support. So, finding himself here was a salvation… even if it was depressing.

[Subaru: ……………]

Holding his breath, Subaru starts to realise what his status quo is here. He had checked for the presence of increased physical strength, magical powers and special abilities.

During the time in which Emilia and the others were preparing themselves to challenge Reid on the second floor, Subaru now had no doubts as to whether he had any special powers.

After punching and kicking the wall, after being indignant about being told that his magical ability had ran dry, after running around the tower’s insides, after thinking on how to test for special powers from various directions, Subaru had realised one thing, that is –

[Subaru: That maybe, I haven’t received anything…]

After sprinting through the hallway, whilst slightly out of breath, Subaru had accepted this fact. He felt like he possessed more physical strength than he did before. Even when he kicked the wall he felt as if he was far more agile than he remembered. However, it is not to be confused for special powers – rather it would be more accurate to say that it’s the same consequence of the scars on his body, and his grotesque looking arm. That is to say, it was probably due to what had happened during the year which Subaru could not remember.

The only ability he possessed was the one where he was just an ordinary person who could not even respond to his parent’s expectations. That ability had been the only one to surface after his exertions. There were no special powers granted to him by a so called “God” here.

[Subaru: At first, I’d tried to do some transformation poses…]

He had tried Super Senshi poses, then Kamen Rider poses, Pretty Cure poses, and even Sailor Senshi poses – but they had all been ineffective. 3

[Subaru: After all of that… my only hope is that my powers awaken when I am in trouble… fuck.]

Scratching his head, Subaru bit down the seed of anxiety that was starting to grow in his heart. In front of Emilia and the others, he would steel himself and pretend that everything was okay. Thus, if anyone looked at him they would not notice the dreadful anxiety that was welling inside him.

His memory was gone. There was no longer any doubt about it. There was too much evidence pointing towards it. And to be honest, he really wanted to believe it. He couldn’t not believe it and continue to stay in this place. He wanted to stay here. Here in this world, but not as it was now. So, he wanted some powers to do that.

[Subaru: After all, all I have to do is depend on the bonds I have made with the people I don’t remember.]

Natsuki Subaru does not have any changes in him, even in this parallel world. Subaru curses himself feeling as if his current body is a borrowed one, he anxiously ponders whether to go along with Emilia and the others.

[Subaru: Why can’t I do what I used to be able to do, on the second floor?]

In his heart, he had refused to be left behind.

After they had explained to him about the guardian of the second floor, Reid Astrea, they had argued whether to bring Subaru along to the『Trial』. It had been Emilia who was the most concerned about bringing him along. Others were a bit reluctant but had not protested as strongly as Emilia. Subaru on the other hand wished to accompany them. It seemed that they had thought that he would be unlikely to be of much help to them in conquering the second floor. They also mentioned that Reid Astrea’s temperament would be harmful towards him. Therefore, although Subaru was going to be left behind, he had –

[Subaru: – Still, I had insisted on going with them.]

They had tried to leave Subaru behind. Being treated so gently with concern always on their mind felt poisonous to him. If he had been the Natsuki Subaru with his memories intact, he was sure that he would have accompanied them and that there would never have been such a discussion on whether he was coming or not.

It would be unlikely that his amnesia would influence his abilities. In other words, except for the lack of knowledge, Subaru had thought he would be able to fight just like before he had lost his memories. Hence, he had tried one way or another to prove it to them, but in the end they decided that he could not go up to the second floor.

[Subaru: Although I asked Beatrice to leave me alone, she was deeply concerned about me.]

In seeing that Subaru was about to be left behind, he recalls Beatrice’s sullen face who had opted to stay behind with him. However, he had still asked her to leave him be after he had tried to ascertain whether his secret cheat ability was something physical, magical or skill based. After she had left, Subaru had tried out the transformation poses. After all, it would have been extremely embarrassing to test these poses in front of another person. Beatrice of course had been quite unyielding and Subaru recalls how he had argued back and forth with her…

[Beatrice: I will not leave Subaru alone, there’s nothing wrong with losing your memories! Betty will not move from here even with a lever, I suppose!]

[Subaru: I am glad you feel that way, I’m totally grateful, but I am unable to reciprocate it!]

[Beatrice: Between Betty and Subaru, we don’t need such distance!]

[Subaru: No, I will be getting naked to put on my makeup by the moonlight!]

He had tried to break through to her with a brute-force approach, zealously appealing her to leave the room. Eventually, seeing how nothing was working, he had given her a very strict order to leave – only then had she left.

[Subaru: Although the meaning doesn’t ring a bell, I was told I was her contractor. It seemed like Beatrice was doing well in resisting until I used that against her. It wasn’t like me to act like that… was it really okay to do that?]

Grimacing a little, Subaru pulls out the whip that had been holstered at his waist. He tries to hit the tip of it against the wall, but instead only succeeds at hitting his own shin.

[Subaru: Oww…! I guess my body doesn’t remember how to use it… or, maybe I didn’t master how to use it before I lost my memory…?]

Having hit his own shin, Subaru’s eyes began to tear up in pain as he sits down. In the first place, why had he chosen a whip as his weapon of choice? It’s not a sword, or a gun… was he trying to be cool and unique picking a whip as his weapon?

[Subaru: If I was familiar with it, have I lost the ability to use it because my memories are gone?]

While rubbing his shin, Subaru thinks about this, his face twisting into a scowl. If his current reasoning was correct, what did he have left here? He had lost his memories, everybody just showed concern towards him, and he had lost all of the skills that he had learnt in this world. All he had left were the scars on his body and the Q&A he had prepared.

He looked completely superficial – like papier-mâché.

[Subaru: Ha.]

With a sigh, Subaru gets up. Those three words that were floating in his brain were so silly that he wants to guffaw at them.

What are you going to do now, you superficial man… Back then, the old Natsuki Subaru had not at all been superficial like papier-mâché.

[Subaru: Ah, I give up, I give up. I’m an idiot. Maybe I’m just unmotivating myself…]

Subaru hits his forehead in frustration and sighs again, bending over to pick up the fallen whip. He did not understand how to put it back in its holster – struggling a bit he finally manages to put it back on his waist. At that time, it had felt like he had been wielding edamame beans…5 It was far different from what he could achieve with a Kendo sword; he had just seen the result of a year’s experience gone to waste. It felt rough. It felt bitter.

[Subaru: I wish I’d kept a diary for this occasion. I’m so useless.]

Subaru starts to walk away from the scene, fuming at his past self in irrational anger. He couldn’t confirm the presence of any secret cheat abilities, but in a sense he could not say whether the fruits of his labour were completely full proof. With this in mind, he concludes that he shouldn’t rely on something that does not exist. In a way it was a little bit positive and a little bit negative.

[Subaru: Well, this is not the right way…]

Subaru had gone the wrong way and found himself on another floor. In front of him was the large spiral staircase that leads to the lower floors of the tower. He had heard that the tower was made up of six floors. To go up from the sixth floor to the fourth floor, one would have to climb up the stairs which went up for probably over 100s of metres high. It could be comparable to climbing a mountain, except it was probably worse due to the oppressive and gloomy atmosphere which permeates inside the tower. For sure, it was far more effort than it looked.

[Subaru: Thinking about it, the way this tower is structured is peculiar… it’s like being in a fantasy world story now.]

It is a world where a room full of ivy and plants can treat your injuries. Besides, in his original world, there had been some buildings which had seemed to exceed human knowledge. Pyramids were one example of such a phenomenon. If you think about it, then maybe there was not much of a difference between this tower and the pyramids of yore.

[Subaru: I’m looking for things in common between this world and my original world, did the past ‘me’ do this too?]

Subaru starts to feel ridiculous at having referred to himself as the “past me”. He feels as if he has slowly been going crazy since having been told he had lost his memories. Originally, in his thoughts, there hadn’t been a Subaru ‘before’ or a Subaru ‘after’ losing his memories. Yesterday and today too, his memories had continued the same. So, here too, Natsuki Subaru is –

[Subaru: – Oh?]

Subaru shook his head as if he was trying to shake off the thoughts that had clouded his mind – he let out a small sigh. It was truly a nonchalant sigh.

He had let it out completely unintentionally, as if by chance, in spite of having experienced something much more unexpected. It was no more, and no less than that.

However, at the same time he had let out that sigh, he had felt a slight push on his back.

[Subaru: ………………]

The world has started to spin around him.

[Subaru: Ah?]

His feet were off the ground – no, not just his feet… his whole body was. His whole body was overwhelmed by a feeling of weightlessness, he was falling down mid-air, losing sight of what was up or down.

Engulfed by the sensation of weightlessness, Natsuki Subaru continues to fall.

[Subaru: Wha-?]

The sound of the wind whistles through his eardrums. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t understand. Right now, Subaru was falling. He was falling. Spinning round and round in mid-air as he falls down head-first.

Falling, falling, falling – as he falls his thoughts catch up to him – still falling.

[Subaru: Waaait, wait, wait, wait–]

The world was spinning around his eyes. His limbs were flailing in mid-air. He does not know how many seconds had elapsed, but finally Subaru understood what had happened.

Falling, he is falling. He is going to crash. He will hit the ground after falling down from above. He was swallowed by darkness as he fell past the edge of the spiral staircase. As he looks around desperately to all of his sides, Subaru can only see the tower’s stone walls flowing past him. No, the walls were not flowing past him. It was Subaru’s field of vision that was inverted as he falls down head-first – so it was in fact him who was sweeping past them. The sensation of tumbling down causes him to retch, chunks of vomit fly out from him.

[Subaru: …gh]

Subaru can’t breathe, his throat is clogged with vomit. His nose is runny, tears of pain are streaming out of him and his organs feel like they are all in the wrong place. His whole body felt like a chaotic mess. Subaru starts to imagine everyone’s reactions to seeing his face and clothes covered in vomit when he hits the floor…

Emilia would be shocked. Beatrice would get angry at him. Ram would just coldly stare at him. Julius would give him a tired sigh. Echidna would shrug her shoulders. Meili would laugh. Shaula would poke him.

With such a feeling of frustration, Subaru had completely lost track of his own reality. Even if I search everywhere, I cannot find it. It’s not up in the sky. It’s not within me. Where did it go? Where is it? As well as his memory, Subaru had also lost himself.

[Subaru: Mommy.]

Natsuki Subaru starts to faint just as he finishes imagining everyone’s reactions to him covered in vomit. His consciousness starts to fade, his thoughts were becoming fuzzy, and then–

And then ––––

And then ––––––––

And then ––––––––––––––––

And then ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Hard ground.

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[? … Subaru! Hey, Subaru, are you okay?]

As he woke up, the first thing he heard was her chiming voice. He could feel her breath near his face and her fingers on his chest. Sensing this, Subaru roused himself into consciousness, and slowly opened his eyes. In front of him was a frighteningly good-looking fairy.

[Subaru: Is this Emilia-chan…?]

[Emilia: Oh, Subaru, thank goodness. You woke up. I was really worried about you.]

Hearing Subaru speak, Emilia continued to stroke his chest with a relieved look on her face. Subaru looked around the room in shock. He was in a room that was completely covered in ivy, even the bed he was lying in was woven from ivy. The beautiful girl next to him, Emilia, was gently stroking him. And right next to her stood a drill loli.

[Beatrice: Emilia, if you continue to be so gentle to him, Subaru will not reflect on his actions, I suppose. If you don’t act tougher on him, he won’t understand just how much he worried everyone.]

[Emilia: That’s right, though Beatrice why do you say it like that? Subaru was missing, so I hurried to find you… when I did, you were collapsed, I was about to cry…]

[Beatrice: Do you not have something you have to say to me, I suppose!]

Beatrice turns away from them, her face turning red in anger. Subaru who was watching this exchange looked on in confusion.

[Subaru: Eh? What? Was it a dream?]

[“…………………………”]

At hearing Subaru say that, both Emilia and Beatrice turned towards him.

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  • [1] Tricky to translate, Ram is teasing Beatrice as far as I know about the state of her forbidden library despite her saying it’s important to put books back on the shelves correctly.
  • [2] Unsure if I introduced the sexual innuendo with my translation or the author had intended it in the Japanese.
  • [3] All references to Japanese media – hopefully got them accurate.
  • [5] 掌にあるマメ – I think “mame” referred to beans, specifically edamame beans. And the whole phrase meant something like to hold in the palm of one’s hand beans – i.e. he felt like wielding the whip was as effective as wielding a pile of beans.

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