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ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO TAPPEI NAGATSUKI, THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR OF RE:ZERO STARTING A LIFE IN A DIFFERENT WORLD FROM ZERO, THIS IS A TRANSLATION OF THE FREE JAPANESE WEB NOVEL INTO ENGLISH
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Translated by :
- Ice_Occultism, /u/Ice_Occultism
- Jaerek, /u/Jaerek
- Furuta, /u/GracedHarperd
- Shifty, /u/ShiftyFish87
Fan Art Created by :
- Note to anyone reading this, it’s in the process of retranslation, this was one of my first ever TLs and it’s very poor quality, so I am trying to fix a lot of it.
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Subaru gazes around the room, not knowing what had happened to him. He could not comprehend the situation.
It was the room that he had gotten so used to seeing now. The walls and the floors are covered in ivy, even the bed he had woken up in was woven with ivy.
In front of him stood two girls – a beautiful lady and a beautiful little girl – both are craning their necks to look at him. A huge lizard was kneeling down beside his bed. On the other bed within the room, a girl with blue hair and closed eyes is lying there. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary; this was the green room of the Pleiades watchtower.
[Subaru: This again… why am I here?]
Subaru doesn’t know if he had even woken up.
With his hands on his head, Subaru recalls what had happened just before. They had talked about challenging the second floor trial whilst he had tried to confirm whether he possessed any special abilities. After all of that, Subaru had walked through the tower to join with Emilia and the others after he had confirmed that he didn’t possess any abilities –
[Subaru: Errr? What happened after that?]
His memory of what had happened afterwards was unclear. He had woken up on this bed all of a sudden, that impression had been strong. And, whilst he fumbled to straighten his mind, a voice broke his train of thought,
[Emilia: Hey, Subaru, are you feeling okay?]
[Subaru: Uhh-aaah! Emilia-chan, you’re so close!]
Emilia’s beautiful face had suddenly popped up right next to his; she was so close to him that he could feel her breath against his face. In seeing her amethyst coloured eyes, bordered by long eyelashes, approaching out of nowhere, Subaru scoots back to the opposite side of his bed.
Emilia’s eyes widened in surprise at his overreaction.
[Emilia: You don’t have to look so scared… Besides, it was me who had been scared earlier…]
[Beatrice: Certainly. We thought that you had disappeared. We searched for you and found you collapsed, I suppose. It would be improper to not be worried.]
[Subaru: Seriously? I collapsed again?]
Beatrice crossed her arms and snorted in exasperation. Subaru was caught by surprise by her words – he stood up and patted his body to make sure it was okay. He couldn’t feel any abnormalities.
Though it was dubious whether he would notice any differences considering his amnesia, there were no obvious signs of trauma.
[Subaru: Still, it’s pretty dangerous to collapse twice in such a short time… although it has only been a couple of hours, should I feel lucky that my memories weren’t blown away again?]
[Beatrice: What are you grumbling about… Subaru should have something to say to Betty and Emilia, I suppose.]
[Subaru: Something to say…?]
Beatrice threw these words at him as he was staring at his outstretched arms. Subaru turned around to see both Emilia and Beatrice staring at him. He was a little bit worried about what would he have to tell these two individuals.
[Subaru: Well, I’m sorry. I apologise for worrying you all. You both saved me again.]
[Beatrice: You’re doing fine so far.]
[Emilia: Heh, you are most welcome. But, I am quite glad that nothing happened to you. I’m so relieved.]
[Subaru: Ah, yes. I’m sorry to Emilia-chan, it’s inexcusable for me to cause you so much trouble all the time.]
Raising his hand in apology, Subaru expresses his gratitude towards Emilia. However, when Emilia heard Subaru’s words, she furrowed her eyebrows. Her amethyst eyes looked positively bewildered.
[Emilia: Well, would, wait… Subaru, what happened just then?]
[Subaru: What happened… that’s a vague question. What’s the issue?]
[Emilia: Well, just now you called me Emilia-chan. Somehow, being called that makes me feel a little bit uneasy.]
While saying this, Emilia starts to fiddle with her long silver hair as she looks at Subaru. Her gaze seemed to be filled with loneliness, Subaru involuntarily let out a yelp. Open and friendly, her appearance had struck Subaru’s taste. However, in regards to her current attitude, Subaru felt like there was a deep gap opening between them.
[Beatrice: Subaru’s pranks are starting up now, I suppose. More importantly…]
Beatrice’s mood was starting to get worse after hearing the exchange of those two. Shaking, the drill-loli snapped her fingers at Subaru. And, with her face turning a deep shade of red, she said:
[Beatrice: I want you to tell Betty and Emilia now. Why did you go to the『Taygeta』library last night, I suppose? Why did you collapse there?]
[Subaru: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait, what, I collapsed again in Taygeta?]
[Subaru: Seriously, Taygeta is such a dreadful place… I don’t know what I was doing there again. After all, it’s a place with such a shady history, it was reckless of me, I guess.]
Subaru had been told of an incident which his own memory did not recall; he is bewildered by this fact and starts to feel a little bit unsettled. For sure, he could not recall anything before and after he had slipped out of consciousness. Still, there should be no reason for him to have visited Taygeta again. Rather, it’s more likely that someone must have found him collapsed elsewhere in the tower and brought him to Taygeta. Though, he doesn’t see what the point of that would be.
[Beatrice: Wait, I suppose. Subaru.]
Subaru had induced confusion within Beatrice who was waiting for his explanation.
[Beatrice: Somehow, I think your story is incorrect. Subaru, tell us the story accurately, I suppose.]
[Subaru: Accurately…? What do you mean?]
[Beatrice: Now, Betty will tell you the situation she and the others are in.]
Patiently, Beatrice slowly spelled this out to Subaru. He nods his head as he senses the intimidation in her tone as she speaks those heavy words. And, whilst Emilia looked at him with a worried expression on her face, Subaru strained his memory in thought.
[Subaru: Well, I think I told you… when I woke up I had no memories. Though it doesn’t mean that they are completely empty. My memories since being summoned to this parallel world are…]
[Beatrice: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!? Memories? What do you mean by memories, I suppose!?]
Beatrice’s usually dignified manner was abruptly shattered as Subaru had begun his explanation. He was surprised by her unexpected reaction. Emilia had placed her hand on the panicked Beatrice’s shoulder to steady her. But Emilia is also not calm. She was also looking at Subaru in astonishment.
[Emilia: Subaru, I am sorry, I don’t know what to say…]
[Subaru: No, I’d feel bothered if stop here, I have you two here…]
– He was supposed to know what to say next, he tried to continue, but his words trailed off.
Both Emilia and Beatrice looked at Subaru with sheer bewilderment in their eyes. It was plain to him that they were not acting. And because he thinks they are not acting, that makes it all the more terrifying to him.
Why were they forgetting about when he had told them about his amnesia? Surely, the tower hadn’t sucked up the memories of those other than Subaru. The thought of everyone’s memories being partially absorbed by this terrible tower was not very appealing to the imagination –
Then, Subaru notices it.
[Subaru: When I woke up, those two were talking to each other…]
Besides, he may have remembered something. No, not may have. He had definitely remembered something. The first time he had met Emilia and Beatrice, when he was told he had lost his memories… the conversation had sounded exactly like the one now.
To put it more plainly, waking up in the Green Room, laying on the ivy bed, was that not a carbon copy of the situation earlier when he was told he had lost his memories?
Thinking about this, Subaru gulps loudly. If you look at Emilia and Beatrice, both of their behaviours had not changed. However it is not from distrust that they are glancing at Subaru in sheer bewilderment, rather it’s from concern in their heart towards “Subaru”. The fact that there was no deception in their gazes made Subaru feel much more calm at heart.
In all honesty, Subaru’s heart had been undulating under great turmoil. But, having made this guess at the current situation –
[Subaru: I am seeing the same events again. I must be experiencing precognitive dreams.]
Given his situation when he woke up, is it not reasonable to think this? If so, when he had lost consciousness, should he rather say that he had woke up? In that moment just before he woke up his memories had been incredibly hazy. Maybe even if he had tried to hold in these dreams, they would spill into him from in between his fingers. Or maybe these precognitive dreams are a special ability Subaru was given when summoned into this world –
[Subaru: It’s difficult to make use of – it’s a pretty selective ability…]
However, there’s no doubt that if he could master it, then it would be quite a potent ability. In the end, a precognitive dream would let him foresee the future. The longer it would show him the truth for, the greater chance of finding a clue to overcome the situation. Unfortunately, he does not think that he got much useful information out of the precognitive dream –
[Subaru: – you two, I need you to calm down just a little and hear what I have to say.]
Sitting up straight, Subaru now had an understanding of the ability he possessed. He turned towards them and poises himself to speak. Emilia and Beatrice both look at Subaru and nod, with serious expressions on their faces. Looking towards them, Subaru said with a slight hint of hesitation:
[Subaru: I don’t know if you can believe this, but I seem to have lost my memories.]
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– Subaru had awakened at the Taygeta Library and lost his memories.
It took as much time as it had in the precognitive dream for Emilia and Beatrice to digest what he had confessed.
With a spirited cry, the girl slammed her palms onto her own cheeks with all her strength. Clapping down with both hands at once with a crisp sound ringing out, the girl’s cheeks turned bright red.
It was a brave, almost manly way of accepting it – something he had also seen in his precognitive dream.
[Emilia: I’m fine. Being like that is no-good, is it? How could we keep making that troubled face when Subaru must be feeling even more troubled than we are… look, Beatrice too!]
Having justified her sudden reaction with a speech, Emilia shook Beatrice’s shoulder. In front of Emilia’s presence, Beatrice shrivelled back a bit,
[Emilia: I’m shocked too, and I also understand the sadness… but right now, we have to think about the one who’s taking this the hardest. We have to do something for him, don’t we?]
[Beatrice: Be- Betty is…]
[Beatrice: …………………] 1
Subaru fights back a pang in his chest as he watches Beatrice struggle to get her words out. Subaru knows exactly what Beatrice will say, and what sort of face she will make. But he was quite wrong in thinking that it would bring him some peace of mind.
Having to betray someone’s feeling of hopes is tough, rather it’s terrifying. No matter how many times he has to do it, regardless whether it’s the same problem for the second time, it’s all the same. And now, Subaru knows Beatrice much better than the first time he met her. That is why Subaru was tougher than he had been the first time.
[Beatrice: aaaauuggghhh, just, really! Subaru is just the most hopeless Contractor in the world!]
With that said, Beatrice broke through her embarrassment – the pattern of the butterfly wings that adorned her pupils started to flutter in her eyes. While he relived that, Subaru felt a strong sense of self-hatred.
…Was this right. Was he satisfied with this? Yeah, Natsuki Subaru… What is trust in this tower in the desert?
To be kind to Emilia and Beatrice, but also to see their heartache and their gritted determination; to that Subaru grinds his teeth together.
Subaru had not confided to them that he was able to experience precognitive dreams. After waking up and interacting with them and using their names, it meant that not all of his memories had fallen out of him. In fact, besides his memory loss of course, Subaru’s report had also been about the allocation of his missing memories. He couldn’t afford to doubt the two people with him, and furthermore, Subaru himself didn’t want to engage in any unproductive conversation.
Above all else, he wanted to figure out how far his precognitive dreams would show the truth for. For this reason, he does not want to create a situation which would deviate from what his precognitive dream had shown him. Although some changes had occurred at the start, they were not anything too big.
However, this was not the only reason that he did not mention his precognitive dreams.
Neither Emilia, Beatrice, Ram, Julius, Echidna nor even anyone had explained to Subaru that he had this『Precognitive Dreams』ability. Shaula and Meili also hadn’t. It’s difficult to imagine that they intentionally hid it from Subaru. Even under the prior circumstances it’s difficult to believe that they all had the same intention; it made no sense.
Then it was inevitable that there was only one reason why they wouldn’t know of his『Precognitive Dreams』– that is, Natsuki Subaru had never revealed to them his ability.
[Subaru: … what were you thinking, Natsuki Subaru.]
Subaru calls his name out no longer as if he was referring to a different person… No, saying no longer as if he was referring to a different person is wrong. It is a different person.
To Subaru, “Natsuki Subaru” is an unknown person who doesn’t exist. He can’t guess what he is thinking and he can’t interact with him. There would be no chance of getting to understand him.
Why did “Subaru” not tell Emilia about his power?
Was it because he didn’t want to change the development of these precognitive dreams as much as possible? Even if it was due to that, surely once the situation had been overcome there would have been time to confide this? Was there a reason why he couldn’t say it?
A distrust of the old “Subaru” was steadily growing within him.
[Subaru: You are…]
… what were you thinking, “Natsuki Subaru”.
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– After that, the events took place as expected, roughly following what he had seen in his precognitive dreams.
[Emilia: So, I guess everyone is pretty shocked…… Subaru is in quite a situation right now. But, even in a situation like this…… no, precisely because the situation is like this, we should give him our support.]
Emilia explains to the others how Subaru has lost his memories. Although it wasn’t the greatest of explanations, it was now impossible to make a follow-up in case he drastically changed the events.
And then –
[Ram: Is this some kind of prank, Barusu?]
Ram had suspected that Subaru’s situation might have been a prank –
[Shaula: Say, Master… you’re still not tired of playing around like thissss? Just how many times do you have to forget me before you cut that outtt?]
Shaula had accepted that he had lost his memories as if she thought it was something that he constantly experienced –
[Meili: Really, Onii-san is such a headache-san.]
Looking quite disinterested, Meili smiles at what she thinks is a prank, enjoying the atmosphere of confusion –
[Echidna: Just, give him a little time. That’s fine, right?]
He carefully watched Julius as he became extremely upset at hearing that Subaru had lost his memories, and soon after Echidna suggested for them to take a brief interval to collect their thoughts. He accepted Ram’s invitation and left the room to fetch some water. Then when they were alone with just the two of them, Ram grabs Subaru by his collar and pushes him against the wall.
[Ram: ……Please, spit it… out]
He had parted with some of his noble attitude when replying to her. However, that’s not to say that he wasn’t shook to the core. After being asked about whether he had been lying by Ram, Subaru returned back to where everyone was with this conviction…
…The precognitive dreams are accurate. They are terribly accurate and foreshadow the events completely.
Subaru hadn’t recognized all of the words and phrases used by the people here, but the impression that they had given was pretty much unchanged. If there was a problem –
[Echidna: Natsuki-kun is quite calm despite the situation.]
Echidna had said this where she confessed that Anastasia’s consciousness had been taken over by her. 2
Subaru feels his mouth dry up after he hears Echidna’s words. To be honest, Echidna’s observation was understandable. Subaru himself couldn’t really do much about it.
Everyone was shocked and in a state of panic. Still, whilst seeing her trying to smooth over the absurd situation, he couldn’t help but not feel much empathy from within his heart for them. It’s like when you watch a movie for a second time – the emotions you experience are not as strong as the first time you watch it.
She and the others were behaving in a manner that showed an assortment of sympathy, guilt, aversion to this “Subaru”, and various other negative emotions. It was no wonder that Subaru bore a dark expression on his face coupled with a taciturn attitude – even though they had thought that was him remaining calm. In any case –
[Subaru: I am happy that things have settled down. “There is no real calmness or composure” has always been typed into the kid’s report card.]
[Echidna: Reeport caaard, I don’t really understand that that means… is it related to the term ‘parallel world’?]
Narrowing his eyes, Subaru nods his head at Echidna’s question. The way he answered the question about the meaning of “Parallel World” did not change again. He explained how he was summoned to this different world and found himself in this place. And the same understanding came from Emilia, Echidna and the others who concluded that he originated from beyond『The Great Waterfall.』
Perhaps, even if he could not fully reproduce the events of his precognitive dreams, events that hold some sense of importance will still be realized with some slight changes to them. It’s something typically found in Subaru’s future prediction genre of games and manga.
Though the response to a sudden situation may change, what you decide to do doesn’t disappear so easily. A person who has decided to ask someone out on a date goes and asks the person out in a completely different way than before, where there now are some notable obstacles in the way – that is the feeling he is getting from this. In other words, Echidna would have heard about his explanation of being from a different world, regardless of whether he had lost his memories.
[Subaru: Even though now I didn’t explain it as much, was I still careless in mentioning the word ‘Parallel World’ … I don’t know what to think anymore.]
Due to the nature of his precognitive dreams, it would be difficult to reveal that he possessed this ability compared to talking about the parallel world. And just like that, he had given up on it. There was no point in confiding his ability… almost as if he was scared of confessing it.
[Echidna: After all, it’s odd that you sound the least confused amongst used. We are all growing uneasy here, we must do something about it.]
[Subaru: Even with confusion all around, you all tried to remain calm or at least something like that. I was pretty worried I would have to do something. I’m relieved.]
[Emilia: I feel like I can’t remain calm at all…]
Both Echidna and Subaru shrug their shoulders at each other. Emilia’s looked quite dispirited as she spoke those words, her mood was hitting rock bottom. After all, Subaru’s attitude was growing. He had tried to mimic his precognitive dream as much as possible; however, how attempts at mimicking his attitude had been quite poor. It was very difficult to imitate the confused self he had seen in his dream. So, before he spouts out additional nonsense –
[Subaru: Anyways, I understand the situation we are in. I know that there’s a lot of confusion, but let’s overcome it together. Let’s do something about it.]
Clapping his hands together, Subaru tries to progress the conversation ahead. Beatrice nods in response, and as if obeying the precognitive dream, she says:
[Beatrice: You will want to check the『Taygeta』library, I suppose.]
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With a loose-lipped smile, the glamorous, beautiful woman let out a shriek. If she would just straighten herself out and start to look more dignified her beauty would surely captivate the hearts of many men. Her face relaxes as she tries to snuggle into Subaru.
[Shaula: Master, Master. I’m haaappyyy~ I’m sure you will be haaappyyy!]
[Subaru: Hey, don’t say that. Don’t hug me. You’re frighteningly soft!]
[Shaula: Ah! I just wanna hug you so hard that I smush you.]
Subaru continues to push her away by her forehead whilst Shaula tries to desperately cling onto his arms. In all honesty, for a beautiful woman who dressed so scantily, she was clinging onto Subaru with immense strength, despite him trying to push her off.
Subaru and the others had arrived now at the 3rd floor of the watchtower, where the『Taygeta』 library was. As it had been in his dream, they would search the library in an attempt to find out how Subaru had lost his memories.
However Subaru knows that their search will be ineffective, and that they will bring back no results. It was going to be an irritating time for him now, since he was not allowed to participate in the search. To him, it looked like Shaula was acting way too over-familiar than his dream had shown –
[Shaula: After all, Master, you chose us over that chibi-ko, didn’t youuuu?]
[Subaru: It’s not like you chose it yourself! Due to what’s happening, I couldn’t help but be stuck with you!]
Shaula speaks this with a ditzy expression as they are about to approach『Taygeta.』Although the distance to the library was not long, Subaru had arranged it so that he wouldn’t have to hold hands with Emilia and Beatrice.
His intention had been to avoid upsetting Beatrice and Emilia. Subaru was interacting with them in a manner which avoided causing any unnecessary strains thanks to his predictive dream. In a manner of speaking it’s as if he now had a bird’s eye view on the doings of everyone. Within his conscience, he felt sorry for having kept so much distance between the two girls who worried so much for him.
Therefore, he was now sitting next to the air-headed Shaula whilst waiting for the party to finish searching『Taygeta.』
[Shaula: Finally, Master recognized how charming and attractive I am! I had to wait 400 years for this! I’m so happy, I’m so happy! I will give you such a passionate kiiiisss!]
[Subaru: No thank you! That’s scary! Really, stop it!]
Shaula was pressing her body down onto his; Subaru tried desperately to push her off, but she had unusual strength, and thus he found himself pinned against a wall. She slammed her hand on the wall next to him, the rigid wall! It was a moment of great tension. And, just before the virginity of Subaru’s lips, which had never experienced the love of a woman, was forcefully taken away –
[Meili: Hey, hey, onii-san seems to dislike this. There’s not much reciprocation from him.]
[Shaula: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!]
It had been Meili who had dragged Shaula off him by pulling her back by her ponytail. After Meili had let her hair go, Shaula twisted her neck, carefully cradling her long, black hair against her chest and fixed her ponytail.
[Shaula: What did you do to my hair!? What did you do to my precious hair, you horrible little giiirl!]
[Meili: I don’t want my silver haired onee-san or Beatrice-chan to be angry. I was keeping watch to make sure that my half-naked onee-san didn’t do anything bad to my onii-san.]
[Shaula: Grrrrr! So annoying! Master, please do somethiiiing!]
[Subaru: Shaula, don’t you dare come within two metres of me.]
[Shaula: Master’s such an idioooooot.]
Shaula turns her back from Subaru, and starts to break down into tears. Subaru scratches his cheeks in confusion as he looked on at her exposed back, then he turns around to face Meili who was holding her hands behind her back.
[Subaru: Ah, I was saved… now that’s a strange thing to say to a killer.]
[Meili: Don’t worry. This killer has gone out of business, now I do what onii-san, onee-san and her friends tell me. Onii-san and the others can make good use of me, like when I helped them from the demon beasts.]
She spoke with no malice or ulterior motive, that’s why Subaru didn’t react to her words. Meili did not seem to be especially affected by any particular pangs of conscience as she spoke. She had spoken of such a matter as if it had been nothing out of the ordinary.
She said nothing in response to Subaru’s silence. She just looked at him silently with an unfathomable expression on her face. Meili now turns to gaze indifferently at the direction which Emilia was searching the library. The girl was quite short, had a youthful face, her arms and legs were still tiny, and there was still quite a way to go before she reached womanhood. In the end, she was still a child. It was unbearable to him that she held such broken values about herself.
[Subaru: Maybe, you still have a lot which you can rely on, you can count on me!]
[Meili: …? Eh, are you saying that you want me to make good use of you?]
[Subaru: No, not use me. Rely on me. We’re not tools that can be just used, think of it like a… friendship?]
[Meili: … Hmmph.]
For a second Meili had regarded Subaru’s words in shock. Though it had only been for a fleeting moment, she had quickly averted her eyes afterwards. Subaru was relieved that she had not reacted in discomfort; rather it had seemed like a faint glimmer of comfort had flitted across her face. Even if within her heart she held broken values about herself, it didn’t mean that Subaru couldn’t sense the emotion that had passed through her.
The fact that they both had been drawn into these strange circumstances made Subaru feel a little bit better.
[Meili: … Onii-san really doesn’t remember anything, right?]
[Subaru: Yup? Unfortunately. Was something on your mind?]
He had unexpectedly shaken something from Meili’s memories. Subaru tried to ask her what she had meant by it. Hearing his question, Meili just put her fingers to her lips and gave a very strange smile: “Oh yeaah.”
[Meili: Petra-chan would cry if she heard it.]
[Subaru: Ugh… I don’t even know who that is.]
[Meili: Petra-chan is a girl that love’s Onii-san. She was worried about you going all the way out here; I thought you should hear about her, that’s all.]
[Subaru: You, what a careless thing you did telling me about the past version of me like that!]
Subaru looks on bitterly, thinking in distress about this young girl, Petra that he had not yet seen. How much would he end up learning about the footprints that the “Subaru” unknown to him had left?
[Meili: Really, I honestly think that my opinion of Onii-san of the past is that he was quite careless.]
Meili was stretching as she said this, ignoring the turmoil she had left in Subaru’s heart. In his mind it had sounded like what she had said had been accompanied by a very strange emotion.
In any case, Emilia and the others would come back before he could quickly confirm it. If they had found no clues, it would only reinforce how accurate his predictive dream had been.
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Since the search of『Taygeta』ended with no success, they would now prepare to go up to the second floor.
Ultimately, from now on the scope of the precognitive dreams would stop around about here – Subaru had until now not doubted the accuracy in his future prediction ability at all.
The events had transitioned just as Subaru had experienced them before. If any issues were to occur at this point, he would not be able to respond by using his knowledge of the future that his precognitive dreams had shown.
[Subaru: I am able to predict the future, isn’t it insane that I managed to confirm it?]
However, it was also strange. In the first place, Subaru didn’t know how what conditions were needed to activate his precognitive dreams. If he fell asleep, would it activate, or did it need some sort of trigger – or was it just completely random? It would be unlikely that there would be time to find a place to sleep due to the urgency of the current situation. However, he wants to depend on the power of his foresight – certainly, he would need to find out more details about this. He would need to investigate thoroughly what he could do with his foresight.
[Subaru: For now, Beatrice had been just as unreasonable as she had been in the dream when I asked her to leave me alone…]
Subaru had asked Beatrice to leave him alone as he tried out via trial and error the transformation poses. It had seemed that Beatrice had been trying to remain more attached to him than he had seen in his dreams. That was probably as a consequence of being around her less than he had been in his dreams, such as on the way to『Taygeta.』In any case he had a reason for being alone.
[Subaru: I have to find out why I woke up and what happened to me just before I woke up.]
It may be that he just happened to wake up normally. However, it could also be that there was something within his dream that had caused him to wake up. He thinks that the latter thought was probably the most likely.
[Subaru: I’m a little nervous now… what if I start to have precognitive dreams-ception; it’s spooky, it’s like as if I was dreaming of being a butterfly.]3
Dreaming of being a butterfly is the situation where you dream of physically being a butterfly, but when you awake you aren’t really sure whether you are a butterfly dreaming of being a person, or a person having dreamt of being a butterfly. It felt like it would become a vicious, never-ending loop, like a self-fulfilling prophecy that would drive him to a corner of madness.
[Subaru: … in order to avoid this, I need to go past where my dream ended. If I can do that, then I should be able to tell Emilia and the others about my precognitive dreams.]
The “Subaru” before losing his memories had unfortunately avoided confiding his ability to Emilia and the others. However, Subaru now was anxious to change this situation and confide to everyone what he could do. He doesn’t know why he had done such a careless thing, he doesn’t want to imitate his past self and delay it now.
[Subaru … I have decided.]
Looking back to what his past self had done, Subaru had finally decided that he would tell them about his precognitive dreams. Nonetheless, what was coming up ahead was an unknown to him. After the point at which Beatrice had left, his memories including those of having performed the transformation poses were quite fuzzy. Therefore, showing proof that he could experience precognitive dreams would be quite difficult to do. In addition he didn’t know how to activate them. He would need them to cooperate with him when he tries to explain his ability.
If he could master his dreams, it would become an extremely powerful weapon at his disposal. Or perhaps it was a necessary weapon that would allow them to conquer the Pleiades Watchtower. With these thoughts in mind –
[?: – As for Natsuki-kun, is it not dangerous for him to accompany us in the crazed state he’s in right now?]
[*In the distance*: ………………………]
Having arrived in front of the hall, in an attempt to join everyone, Subaru held his breath at hearing those words.
The voice he had heard was Echidna’s. For some reason in in his mind, Subaru had hesitated to announce his presence, and had decided to hide behind the wall. The conversation in the hall continued.
[Emilia: Echidna, what do you mean by crazed state?]
[Echidna: There’s nothing else to say right? Considering the state he’s in right now, it’s certain he has lost his memories. However what he said afterwards was truly crazed. The way he explained the term “Parallel World” is proof.]
[Emilia: Parallel… world…]
[Julius: You don’t truly believe he came from beyond the Great Waterfall?]
Julius and Emilia seemed shocked at hearing Echidna’s words. Subaru’s heart lurched, what did Echidna’s remarks mean now? He wanted to jump out from his hiding spot and ask her, but for now he would suppress that emotion. Even if Subaru doesn’t ask, surely someone else would –
[Ram: It was certainly an absurd explanation.]
[Emilia: Ram…, do you doubt what Subaru said?]
Emilia reacts in surprise at Ram’s cold, indifferent tone. In response to her question, Ram says: “Emilia-sama”
[Ram: Ram does not doubt that Barusu’s argument came from within his head. Indeed, Barusu’s knowledge, behaviour and strange customs are things which are unknown to us. It is clear that he may indeed come from a place which none of us here know about.]
[Emilia: Well, in that case–]
[Ram: But, where he came from, it’s limited to this world. I am sure being from beyond the Great Waterfall could be tailored to mean Barusu’s term: “Parallel World”, but I can’t believe the existence of such a place… there is no reason to believe him at all.]4
Emilia’s voice faintly trailed away as she heard Ram’s bitter explanation. She had tried to reply but her voice had choked.
[Emilia: I believe in Subaru, Beatrice too, so, please, please, try to believe what Subaru said.]
[Julius: … Emilia-sama, Echidna is not suggesting that Subaru is trying to deceive us on purpose. She is just saying that he’s in a terrible state of confusion.]
[Beatrice: In that statement, you still agree with that spirit, I suppose!?]
Julius tries to rationally explain their thoughts to Emilia. However, Beatrice was having none of it, as she was intent on remaining on Subaru’s side in this matter. Her temper had flared considerably. At that moment, an unnerving silence had fallen within the room; Subaru’s forehead had started to sweat.
[Shaula: Heeeey, it’s best if you all quit fighting and settle dooown.]
[Meili: I don’t think it’s quite a discussion on that scale yet… but, what she said…]
Hearing the voices of Shaula and Meili it seemed now that they had moved from their roles as bystanders. Laughing rather superciliously for a short while, Meili continued her speech with: “Going crazy,”
[Meili: Why don’t you ask Onii-san directly? Onii-san, are you going crazy?]
Subaru gritted his teeth to those venomous words. He had remained surprisingly calm when he had stood against the wall; he carefully left the room without making any footsteps.
After putting some distance between them, his prudent footsteps quickened in pace, which then turned into a run. Then, arriving at a passageway where no one was present, he pressed his forehead against the wall.
[Subaru Damn it…]
Not knowing what he should say to whom, Subaru struck the wall, letting out the feelings that were smouldering inside him. The discussion that had taken place in Subaru’s absence was an unexpected shock to him. He wasn’t conceited enough to think that he had gained their full confidence. Rather, what he’d heard them say didn’t fit into that type of thought at all.
Subaru had thought that trust was such a basic principle. Emilia and Beatrice had been too kind and thoughtful towards Subaru. Whilst insisting to himself that it had felt far too uncomfortable, he had tricked himself into believing that it was true. There was no doubt that being from a different place would have helped them conquer from the tower.
With the handicap of losing his memories and his calm and collected thoughts, he had lost all his usefulness. Looking at it objectively, he realized just how shameless he was. What was trust in this tower in the desert? He himself couldn’t understand it much. He wondered if he could ever handle what “Natsuki Subaru” had gained.
[Subaru: In this state, it’s no use telling them about my precognitive dreams.]
The fact that they believed in his memory loss was proof of these people’s virtue. At the same time however, they were sensible people who did not believe in a “Different World”. Therefore, he didn’t even have to think about what response an explanation of his precognitive dreams would provoke.
[Subaru: From the start, I mistook them…]
Messed up, he had messed up.
In the meanwhile, Subaru would show why he was dependable. He would overturn their evaluations of him. What was sought now, what was needed now was “Natsuki Subaru”. Not Natsuki Subaru.
Was it alright if he feigned ignorance and went back down to them? Also, in a state which he didn’t know what kind of exchange had taken place, would it be okay if he shamelessly joined the capture of the second floor? Or would he, Emilia and Beatrice be pushed aside and left behind? At the very least, he wished that the conversation had not troubled Shaula or Meili.
[Subaru: …Fuck, I’m such an idiot.]
Whilst saying those words out loud, Subaru abruptly came out of the passageway he was walking through. He had come across the great spiral staircase which connected the fourth floor to the floors below – a gaping hole stretched out from the middle of the watchtower to its lower half. It was truly colossal.
[Subaru: Spiral, staircase…]
Suddenly, laying his eyes on that scene, Subaru started to ponder. Including his dreams, this is his second time he had come here. Whether it was a dream or reality, Emilia and everyone else had guided the amnesiac Subaru around the tower. So, recognizing this place was not a mistake, but―
[Subaru: No, apart than that, I sense something strange…]
Goosebumps coursed down his body, he felt the hairs on his back stand on end. The blood in his whole body felt cold, and the ringing in his ears was awfully loud. His heartbeat had accelerated, his breathing became rough and his knees began trembling for whatever reason. His teeth had begun making an uncontrollable chattering noise. Subaru became aware of these abnormalities.
However, they were not caused due to any changes in temperature or any external causes. This abnormality, this unusual phenomenon, had been caused by Subaru’s own body. To say more about it, the influence on his body was as if it was Subaru’s spirit or something from a deeper place –
[Subaru: – ah.]
With a faint tap, Subaru felt a slight impact just as he was stepping forward.
―No, it couldn’t be said that he stepped forward.
To step forward is a term which presumes there is some solid ground which can be stepped on.
Stepping ahead, his leg had come out.
And his foot had scratched the air.
And so he,
Falling, falling— he was plummeting.
His whole body was overwhelmed by a feeling of weightlessness; he was falling down mid-air, losing sight of what was up or down. A tremendous gust of wind was hitting his eardrums. Subaru understood what was happening. He was falling.
No, there had been a light impact back then. But, he hadn’t realized he had fallen.
[Subaru: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA –!!”]
Screaming his lungs out, Subaru desperately stretched out his hands— searching for somewhere, anywhere to hold on to. There was nothing. There was nowhere he could hold on to. The world around him was spinning around into the unknown.
A desperate feeling of wanting to vomit overpowers him as all the contents of his body are pulled from bottom to top. Chunks of yellow vomit overflows from his mouth, spilling out right into the air around him.
This sensation… he remembered it. In the midst of his pain and vomiting, the memories that had once been ambiguous had suddenly sharpened.
Yes, yes, that was it. Before he had woken up, the end of his precognitive dream, Subaru was experiencing the same thing.
He had fallen, lamented his futile situation, and then he had lost consciousness. And after that, he had woken up from his precognitive dream and found himself in the Green Room –
Suddenly, Subaru experiences a great impact on the right side of his body, shattering his bones into pieces.
The sound of something breaking filled the air, his right side felt like it had been hit by lightning – Subaru’s cries were silenced. And, right after, a severe pain coursed through his body.
His right arm was sticking out at an odd angle, completely broken from the elbow with the bone protruding out from his skin. He was covered in blood, his jacket was torn, and he could see his own pinkish muscles and white bone from underneath his torn skin.
He crashed. Subaru’s body crashed against the spiral staircase whilst he fell down towards the bottom. As it is now, his uncontrolled spiralling descent would end up destroying Subaru’s body, and still he didn’t stop.
No, instead he –
[*BANG*, *BOOM*, *ACK*]
His body that had tumbled downwards and had struck one of the lower steps of the spiral staircase, spraying blood everywhere. It was bad luck that his head hit the next step. His forehead cracked. He felt as if things were spilling out from the insides of his skull.
Instantly, he lost consciousness – where it seemed like it had all ended, his body collides with another step, and the pain from his broken right arm wakes him up as his body continues to lose its shape.
[Subaru: AHHHHHHHHHH!!! GYAAAAAA!!]
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
Pain, anguish, vomiting, burning, Natuski Subaru was being shattered into small pieces.
Arms, feet, face, every part of him was thrown and scraped against the stone staircase, broken, crushed, he no longer resembled a person. It was no longer a person, it was no longer Natuski Subaru.
– Memories are what shape people.
Whilst a losing a vast amount of blood, Subaru suddenly heard this voice in his head.
Who had said such a silly thing? But, it was a good thing to say. Memories are what shape people.
It’s a good saying.
If so, what the hell does that make someone who’s lost his memories, and is no longer who he once was?
Blood was spewing out of his mouth; quite literally, a scream that spews blood, his throat was completely crushed. Natsuki Subaru was falling apart, crumbling away until he reached the distant, distant ground.
There is no waking up from this dream. Natsuki Subaru had failed.
There would be no more second chances to try again. The end draws near.
Slowly, darkness, darkness… the world around him is being dyed black.
– Who are you.
And finally, after all of his anguish and hot blood, Natuski Subaru’s crumbled out of existence.
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-  If this sounds familiar it’s because it’s deja-vu from Chapter 34, I used Chicken’s translations here because they are more or less repeating the conversation/reaction since Subaru had already experienced it before.
-  I think the Japanese here means that she did confess to the others whilst Subaru had gone off.
-  Seems to be referencing this Chinese famous saying: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Zhuangzi
-  Translator note: Though Subaru never was present here in this conversation in the prior loop, I think because he explained “isekai” briefly that Echidna now doesn’t believe him, but, in the prior loop I believe everyone continued to believe he was isekai’d even when he was out of earshot. That is just my assumption though. Remember that “Parallel World” here in the Japanese is “isekai” which they don’t know what it meant.
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