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Translated By :
- Ice, /u/Ice_Occultism
- Nanashi’s Zombie
Art Source :
- Source Note to anyone reading this, it’s in the process of retranslation, this was one of my first ever TLs and it’s very poor quality, so I am trying to fix a lot of it.View Here
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ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO TAPPEI NAGATSUKI, THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR OF RE:ZERO STARTING A LIFE IN A DIFFERENT WORLD FROM ZERO, THIS IS A TRANSLATION OF THE FREE JAPANESE WEB NOVEL INTO ENGLISH
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―The world was about to be painted in darkness.
Sitting down without any strength, the shadow stretched out its countless hands towards the motionless Subaru. Just like spirals, or a whirlpool, the pitch-black hands were trying to wrap Natsuki Subaru along with his soul into its clutches. The places where he was touched, like melting, like crumbling, like coming apart; he knew that his very being was going to go hollow.
But, strangely enough, he couldn’t feel anything unpleasant at all.
His body was going to crumble as far as he could see, his very being was going to be overwritten, his soul was going to be churned up. Whilst it was infringing perhaps the greatest blasphemy that could be done to a living thing, Natsuki Subaru’s mind was quiet enough to say that he was at peace.
Though there too was the effects of having disappointed back then resting heavily in the depths of his heart. But, it wasn’t just that. Since it was just this shadow, its shadowy tendrils which were steadfast-true.
It was only this shadow that showed consideration for Natsuki Subaru’s emotions, who wanted to vanish and disappear even now.
I want to die. I want to vanish. I want to fall apart, I want to be trampled over, I want to be reduced to ashes, leaving nothing behind. Even if I am to revive over and over again, come erase my body down into ashes.
This black shadow would grant such a desirable prayer, this black shadow would grant what Subaru had earnestly cried out for.
―I love you.
Just repeating these words ad nauseum was irritating. Even if he plugged up his ears and closed his mind, she put her fingers in the gaps of his closed mind, and slid them in from the opened gaps, directly whispering her love.
―I love you. I love you. I love you.
Stop this, I am fed up. No matter how many times you repeat this, I god-damn know already. I… don’t love you. I… don’t love myself. I knew about being loved. I knew it all too well.
It was his parents. Both his mother and father loved Subaru from the depths of their heart. He knew that. As if he couldn’t know. And so, that’s why Subaru wanted to disappear. Despite being loved by his parents, he definitely couldn’t love himself which had no worth in being loved.
―I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Stop it, give me a break. Enough already. No matter how many times you repeat this, you can’t get anything more than this. I came to this conclusion a while ago already. I knew it. And despite knowing, I just turned my eyes away from it.
The people who were concerned about Subaru for dear life, with such desperation, all of them couldn’t be bad people. He knew that. He couldn’t not know that. So, Subaru should have just died. He should have endeavoured to not be illuminated by the compassion of those bothered by Subaru’s very existence.
―I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Stop it, I said I know. If I endure this torture until the end, will you grant my wish? Will you swallow me and break me and pulverise me, and erase me into oblivion, so that I may never presume on another ever again? If you can do that― if you can do that, I will accept it. I want to accept it. If this is the end.
If this could be made into the end, then Natsuki Subaru, even if he would disappear…
―I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
???: 「That’s as far as you’ll go!」
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
A voice… chimed.
It seemed just like the confession of love that was being whispered endlessly into his ears. A voice reminiscent of a silver bell rose up, piercing through the confessions of love that were painting over Natsuki Subaru’s existence and the world itself. It pierced right through and reached down towards Subaru.
A light gushed out. It pierced right into the pitch-black shadowy appendages that had tried to swallow up Subaru. A shockwave broke out, the hand that had received the direct hit snapped off and was torn away, but that was just one from a countless number of them. It was just one amongst thousands that had been cut down, that effort meant absolutely nothing to the hostility coming from that enormous, powerful mass of shadows. But even so, the person who let loose that blow stepped forward with determination, dodging, evading, avoiding the evil arms of the shadow that were launched towards them, with exceptional agility. And then,
Calling out the Subaru’s name as he sat slumped down, the owner of the voice that was ever so reminiscent of a silver bell grasped his feeble hand. Subaru’s body was pulled up abruptly and she took him away from that spot with all of her strength. As if to say she wouldn’t let them do that, the shadow stretched out its arms, blocking their front and rear, trying to block off both their path forwards and their path of escape. However, even with that obstacle in front of their eyes, her legs went forwards without stopping.
One hand gripping Subaru’s own, sticking out her free hand, a dazzling light was born there. And immediately afterwards, a beautiful crystal of ice appeared, shining brightly― it was the very same kind as that of the ice cage which had kept Subaru confined. It was a mesmerising, valiant riposte of ice.
She smashed down the pitch-black tendrils that had expanded so to make a wall in front of them and forcibly wrenched open their path. Witnessing the instant of the shadow being washed away, Subaru, who had harboured the impression that the strange shadow would swallow everything in its path, could only feel that the heart which he’d thought would remain forever unbeating had started to tremble again.
And, as his then frozen heart started to stir, his eyes also turned to face the beautiful face right beside him. The long silver hair of the girl glittered like the moonlight as she held Subaru’s hand whilst looking straight in front, taking him along, running away.
Though her survival was also confirmed, in his heart, he was not excited by this. Quite the opposite in fact, in the depths of Subaru’s skull, he felt like something was going to crack.
Of course he couldn’t be delighted by his survival. The people he had made sure were alive, Julius, Beatrice, Echidna, he had let them all die. Though he hadn’t seen the end with his own eyes, he can only imagine that things went south with what happened when he left Julius behind down with the Witch Beasts and Reid. Beatrice was blown to smithereens protecting Subaru, and he couldn’t even ease Echidna’s suffering whilst she was on the brink of death.
Natsuki Subaru was pestilence personified. Death was intrinsic to his very being. As his own death was shaped into nothingness, correspondingly, he imposed that misfortune upon everyone around him, he was such a being, that couldn’t help but conjure to mind such a ridiculous metaphor, its poster-child ensconced in such a pitch black fate―
Subaru: 「―Enough already」
Subaru: 「I said there’s no use even struggling on anymore」
Subaru forcibly stopped moving his feet, struggling against Emilia pulling him along by his arm. And still, Emilia tried to pull Subaru’s arm, though Subaru now possessing grit determination did not allow this. Although the disparity in their strength was evident, Subaru’s determination still remained steadfast. As if noticing that dark urge from the depths of his dark irises, Emilia let out a gulp and stopped pulling his arm with all her strength.
The two of them, Subaru and Emilia were at a standoff. Both of them were staring at each other. Looking around at their surroundings, there were no signs of the shadow that had tried to engulf Subaru. Had he shook it off him when he had escaped together with Emilia? If that’s the case, then wouldn’t they still come across it again if they turned back? It seemed as if that thing was the best way of completely erasing Natsuki Subaru.
Subaru: 「Why did you come and save me? You must be out of your mind. You thought I was a fake as well… So you could have just locked me in that ice cage and tried to kill me.」
These words were purposefully deceptive, twisting the truth at will, each word spoken maliciously opening more wounds. So as to never think, that Emilia would once again take his hand.
However, to Emilia, who saw only the truth when she looked, Subaru’s despicable tactic was futile. Her eyes narrowed in anger, and she raised her voice at Subaru.
Emilia:「I am not trying to kill you! I just wanted to hear your side of the story, as there was something unusual about you. And since you hadn’t told us about your missing memories, we…」
Subaru:「And what of it! That may’ve been just something for my own convenience! Did you believe it that easily!? You sure look stupid. You’ve gone crazy! You, Julius, and Beatrice!」
He had been locked up in the ice cage, and he had told them the truth about having amnesia as if he had been in desperation. No one who possessed the ability to think should have believed such words. Ram and Echidna’s attitude was the correct one. And yet, despite that, more than half of the others were stupid.
Subaru:「No, NO… Everyone’s stupid. In the end… with things like this, in the end, even Echidna apologised to me… I don’t get it!]
Emilia: 「In the end, Echidna…? Subaru, what happened? Are Echidna and the others…」
Emilia begun to ask that question to Subaru who was muttering and groaning with his face covered by his own hands. Even with how worried she looked, he would be digging his nails into that beautiful girl’s heart. It was because of that that Subaru was letting all of his own emotional scars as if made of glass.
Even her lifeblood had bled out, leaving behind only an expression of fragility, a feeling that keeping those existences which matter from feeling pain would be a blessing, achieving only such a heart wrenching, desolate desire, in the figure of a young girl who’d lost her life. As the thoughts revived back in his mind, Subaru let out a scream in an attempt to let the wounds he had in the depths of his heart spread open.
Subaru:「Dead! Echidna is dead! Both of her legs were blown off, and she bled out in pain… in short, she died in anguish! Beatrice as well!」
Subaru: 「She even… protected me… What an absurd thing… cutting off its own tail…If only I’d noticed earlier… but I didn’t, and so she died. She said she wouldn’t forget me…」
Even if Subaru had forgotten, Beatrice would not forget. Beatrice had firmly declared that she would help Subaru regain his memories without fail. But, she had perished… straight after she had said that.
It was all bark and no bite. Words are wind. And immediately after she had spoken this, she had kept Subaru away from death. And with a face full of relief, she had vanished from this world.
Subaru:「If she was going to disappear like that, I should have stopped her. I took her out? I took her away? Whatever, how it happened doesn’t matter. At any rate, if I took her from anywhere other than here, I never should have. If I hadn’t, then…」
Then things wouldn’t have ended with her meeting that fate, vanishing with that expression on her face.
Subaru:「That’s right, that Julius guy too. Surely, around about now, he must already be… in a place with so many scary Witch Beasts… and with that Reid guy inconveniencing him… and then being all like “Go, please”… What idiocy.」
Everyone here is an idiot. What on earth were they expecting? Entreating, taking back, having apologised for doubting him, what on earth were they spouting out?
What would become of their request? What would the meaning be in taking them back? Wasn’t it natural for them to doubt him? Natsuki Subaru was here because he betrayed everything that hung over him. Survive and have some peace and quiet alone; since that was unbearable, he wanted to disappear and die.
He was the most idiotic, stupid, utterly helpless, he couldn’t save anything―
If those weren’t Natsuki Subaru, then just what would they be―
Emilia: 「―Me and Subaru met for the first time at a place called the Loot House in the Royal Capital」
Subaru had sunk to a bottomless swamp of self-blame and self-doubt with no escape; he couldn’t even move his own body. Emilia’s sudden confession had made Subaru’s eardrums throb― her words came out as if it was bringing fond, precious, nostalgic memories back to her.
Subaru was dumbfounded, all he could do was let go of his breath in his lungs when he received those words with no context so suddenly. In no way was this meant to scorn or mock Emilia’s sudden actions. Subaru’s consciousness simply couldn’t keep up to that degree, and was genuinely stunned into silence. And yet, Emilia ignored his reaction, proffering down a finger as she allowed more memories to resurface.
Emilia:「Back then, Felt-chan stole a reaaaally important insignia from me. I was in a mad rush with Puck to try and get it back. And then, after we pursued her, we fought against Meili’s onee-san… we were in grave danger, but Reinhardt came to save us. And after that, just as I breathed a sigh of relief, Meili’s onee-san went straight for me…. Subaru saved me from that.」
Emilia: 「That was when I first met with Subaru… Don’t you remember it?」
Hearing her question, Subaru shook his head. Even though she had recited those memories in detail, he had no knowledge of even a small bit of what she had said. It was to be expected of course. Those were the memories of Emilia and『Natsuki Subaru.』No matter what, those were bits of memories spun by 『Natsuki Subaru』, who kept behaving in ways unimaginable to him―
Emilia: 「But, Subaru protected me causing him serious injuries, so I brought you back with me to Roswaal’s mansion. And there, whilst she complained, Beatrice treated your wounds. Ram and… surely even Rem got on well with Subaru.」
Emilia: 「And then, without her onee-san, Meili acted wickedly and spurred on the attack of some Witch Beasts. Subaru and Ram held them back until Roswaal finished them off… I was staying in the mansion, it was when you’d also promised to take me on a “daaayte”… don’t you remember it?」
He shook his head. He didn’t remember it. He hadn’t ever done such things. He never had.
Emilia: 「And y’know we did so many things in the mansion. We made mayonnaise, we drank alcohol with everyone, Puck made it snow, we played the “King Gaaayme”… and after that, I was called to the Royal Capital for the Royal selection, right?」
Emilia:「It was also the first time I ever had a big fight with Subaru. I didn’t want to hurt Subaru anymore, nor make you overdo things, and I was scared and didn’t understand why you were so kind to me. So, I thought that everything would’ve come to an end when we fought…」
As she recounted these memories, Emilia’s voice started to faintly tremble. There was a mixture of joy and sorrow, anxiety and expectation; various conflicting emotions. Subaru was assailed by a feeling of being completely parched.
Unbearable, unbearable, unbearable was this yearning scorching his chest. For the sake of Emilia revealing this expression in its entirety― no, for this single reason, that yearning was unbearable.
Emilia:「I didn’t understand what was happening, at the time I was being swept away by the uneasy situation, and then Subaru came running back to me when I was my most depressed, and after that…」
Emilia: 「And after that, what was it that you said?… Do you remember it?」
I don’t remember. It didn’t come out. They really weren’t going to come out. The trembling of Emilia’s voice, her appeal, her echoing voice that clung onto him, all of these made it evident.
The Subaru that was here now was not the『Natsuki Subaru』that she wanted. Having this obvious fact thrust before him, Subaru broiled in envy and jealousy towards himself.
Why is it you,『Natsuki Subaru?』You and I, why are we so different,『Natsuki Subaru?』
Emilia, and everyone thought like this. Return the real『Natsuki Subaru.』The you, the Natsuki Subaru right now, just drop dead. For how much longer will it be you the one present in this place?
Such should be what they were thinking, hurting, suffering, lamenting. And yet――
Emilia:「―But, I remember everything. I remember what Subaru promised me, and what Subaru told me, and what Subaru has done. I remember everything.」
Joy and hope were lodged in that smile, so that both sadness and anxiety would never have been there. Seeing Emilia’s smile, Subaru’s lips trembled.
There was… nothing. It was… nowhere. Everything he had said, everything he had done, everything he had promised. Inside of this body, inside of this head, inside of this heart, at the depths of his soul, there was nothing. And so he said―
Subaru:「I don’t remember. I don’t even remember it. Who are you… who are you! Who are you all! WHO ARE YOU ALL TALKING ABOUT!?」
He exploded. Some time ago, with Beatrice and Echidna, he had let himself burst into a fit of emotions, and once again, he also shouted this here.
Faced with his bellow, Emilia widened her amethyst eyes. All the while still gazing at her, Subaru rapidly blinked his eyes, clearing away the hot tears that had welled up there, with an even dirtier voice which strove to preserve a malicious tone, he continued to bellow,
Subaru: 「Putting your life on the line for someone else’s sake! Springing into action straight away for someone else’s sake! Running so to give it your all for someone else’s sake! Accomplishing something by risking my life for someone else’s sake! Can there be such things!? Can I do such things!?」
To hear all of Emilia’s recollections, and reply that he couldn’t remember. Unable to answer Beatrice’s question before she vanished, still bearing that regret in his heart, he’d listen to Emilia gently, almost convincingly, talk about her memories.
Julius entrusted in him, Beatrice believed in him, Echidna forgave him, Emilia desired him. All of that for『Natsuki Subaru.』The one that had been summoned to this parallel world, the real him―,
Subaru:「―Don’t joke about! Such a guy cannot be Natsuki Subaru!」
There was no way that someone could entrust their wishes to Natsuki Subaru.
Subaru:「I know all too well! About how pathetic, and disgusting, and helpless, and what a rotten bastard Natsuki Subaru is!」
There was no way that anyone could believe in Natsuki Subaru, in his heart.
Subaru:「Who are you actually looking at!? What are you talking about!? Such a guy is nowhere to be seen! Everything is a downright lie! The things that guy showed, the things that guy said, everythingeverything! It was just random crap that he spouted out from his mouth! There isn’t any value in believing in it!」
There was no way that someone could pardon Natsuki Subaru from his sins.
Subaru:「You think there’s any value in Natsuki Subaru!? Natsuki Subaru is scum! He’s a useless rotten bastard! I know this better than anyone else!!」
Like hell anyone would want Natsuki Subaru to be along with them.
There was no worth. There was no worth or anything to be desired anywhere. Natsuki Subaru was pestilence personified. No matter whom it may be, everything just amounted to wounds, loss and death. Thus, let’s end it.
Emilia, and everyone else needed not get hurt anymore because of that guy.
Subaru:「…It doesn’t have to be… me.」
He merely did mutter those words. It didn’t have to be himself― No, it’d be way better if it wasn’t Natsuki Subaru. Why did they entrust things to a man who couldn’t do anything. Why did they believe in him. Why did they forgive him. Why did they desire him. There should be more ways for them to manage things better. There should be someone else to help them manage things better.
Even if that someone was the『Natsuki Subaru』that everyone wished for, he was nowhere to be found anymore.『Natsuki Subaru』was a pretence that he never possessed from the beginning. A vain being.
Subaru:「Someone like me, just disregard and toss me away. Someone smarter than me, someone stronger than me will turn up. I am…」
He said that he couldn’t do anything. It was just this sense of sheer helplessness that overwhelmed Natsuki Subaru.
Everyone has their lot in life. One appropriate to them. He wanted everyone to understand that. Subaru was unqualified to walk next to Emilia and the others. He was unqualified to be desired by them. He was neither strong nor smart. They needed not desire to have such a Subaru around. Therefore he would―
Emilia:「―My name is Emilia. Just Emilia.」
Having spat out his sheer sense of helplessness, with his heart dominated by the things he wanted to spit out as he spiralled towards hollowness, the bell-like voice rang out, like a surprise attack, causing him to let out a sound.
He didn’t understand the meaning of those words. ―No, not the meaning. It was her intention that he didn’t understand. Lifting his head up, Subaru looked at the person who had introduced herself as Emilia standing right in front of him. She had her hand on top of her ample chest. Within her big, round, amethyst eyes, Subaru could see his own figure reflected, his breath was taken away by their shimmer. Emilia continued on with her speech, right in front of Subaru.
Emilia:「There are so many things I have to tell you, and so many things I have to ask you. Many many many things. But, right now I have to hear just one thing.」
Emilia:「Julius, Beatrice, and Echidna. And now, I’ve taken you by the hand… by running away together… I wanted to protect you at any cost… I didn’t want you to die… so by doing that…」
Emilia closed her eyes, and plunged into thought, full of emotion. After a few seconds, she broke off her speech. He could see that various emotions were coursing through her chest. These even included her feelings of anxiety for her companions who weren’t here. Emilia’s cherry blossom lips quivered with those emotions fresh in her mind,
Emilia:「You, who have made us feel that way, who are you?」
Emilia: 「Please. ―Let me hear your name.」
At Emilia’s question, the very depths of his heart shook within his chest. The manifestation of her intentions weren’t to deny the Natsuki Subaru in front of her eyes or to recover the old Subaru.
―They were an affirmation of Natsuki Subaru.
The one before us is a fake, return the real Natsuki Subaru to us, words along those lines, behavior along those lines, resentment along those lines, would have been easier to bear. Because, it was nothing other than something Subaru had desired himself.
He still preferred the side of those who said that his self-standing in front of their eyes was a fake, that they wanted him to return Natsuki Subaru, the ones who said that to him, the ones who wished that from him, the ones who tormented him with that, he still preferred their side.
But, it was Emilia that―, No, not just her. Up until here, everyone who had spoken to Natsuki Subaru had implored the same thing.
Irrespective of whether he was strong or weak. Thus, even if he let himself be seen so shamefully, and couldn’t help forgetting everything, he still hadn’t changed. By their words, by their behaviour, by their life, they showed their need for Natsuki Subaru―
Subaru: 「Why are you here, Natsuki Subaru? What can that guy do? What do you expect from him…?」
He didn’t understand it. In this… In just this overwhelming despair, in their helpless numerical inferiority, what would happen if Natsuki Subaru was there? In what way would the situation improve? Could they break through this?
Subaru:「A weak, dumb, miserable, spineless guy… what do you even see in him?」
Emilia:「―Maybe it’s as you say.」
Emilia cast her eyes down at Subaru entreating her with this rather than denying, shaking her head begrudgingly. Her eyes were bordered by long eyelashes, her voice ever so reminiscent of a silver bell tickled his heart; everything about Emilia seemed to be a linchpin that tied Natsuki Subaru to this world. Yet despite that out-of-place, powerful emotion, certainly one connected to Subaru’s own heart, Emilia continued.
Emilia:「There are plenty of people stronger than Subaru, and surely there are many people smarter than Subaru. But, I prefer to be with you, Subaru, no matter what time. I believe that Subaru will do so for me, thus do I wish. After all…」
Emilia:「After all, If you’re going to help me anyways, having it be―― someone I like, would make me so so much happier than someone who just does it because they’re there and can.」
And, whilst smiling, Emilia said this. Whilst smiling and with her cheeks slightly blushing, she said this.
Subaru took a breath, as if gasping. Having received Emilia’s words, in that instant, surely all time had stopped within his body. With a bad-um, bad-um, he could feel his heart pounding. And at the same time in which his feelings had boiled up from with him, another emotion rose up; it was scorn towards『Natsuki Subaru.』
I see,『Natsuki Subaru.』Did you fall in love with this beautiful girl? Someone who is probably way out of my league. As if such a young woman would even give him the time of the day.
Such a cool knight, such a wise woman, such a sweet little girl. And finally, such a beautiful girl right in front of his eyes.
Entrusting to you, believing in you, forgiving you, wishing it were you. Not asking you to be a savior, nor even expecting you to be a savior, merely, if those staggering walls had to be crossed, rather than someone capable, just wishing it were you.
Emilia:「―My name is Emilia. Just Emilia.」
Once again, Emilia gave the silent Subaru her name. She looked over to him with her amethyst eyes. Subaru’s dark-brown eyes gazed back at those eyes right in front of him. And then,
Emilia:「―Please. Let me hear your name.」
Subaru: 「I am…」
He hesitated forming his words, hearing Emilia’s question once again.
He had denied it over and over again. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t be it. He had repeatedly denied it. So, this was surely nothing more than convenient wordplay.
―Entrusted, believed in, forgiven, desired.
In this desert’s tower, what if there were the qualifications to be treated like that by them.
In this desert’s tower, what if there was someone that could save Emilia and the others.
If that was『Natsuki Subaru』, then if that『Natsuki Subaru』was nowhere to be found…
Subaru:「―My name is… Natsuki Subaru.」
Subaru:「Entrusted by Julius, believed in by Beatrice, forgiven by Echidna, desired by Emilia… by you. If that man’s name is Natsuki Subaru, then…」
(TL Note: Desired throughout this chapter is like in the “Implored” or “Wished” sense, not sexually before anyone gets any ideas.)
The black haired boy answered the young woman with the glimmering silver hair, staring with his dark-brown eyes into her amethyst ones. To the question that had quivered from her cherry blossom lips, his blood-stained lips answered back.
Subaru:「I AM NATSUKI SUBARU.」
Right now, feeble, without strength, mind and body wracked by despair, but still he declared it. For Emilia, for Emilia and everyone else, for you, for you and everyone else, for their safety, for peace and quiet, thus did he wish; thus did he implore.
Subaru strongly declared it. In his heart, he hadn’t fully wiped away the pieces of distrust towards『Natsuki Subaru.』. Even now, the one that caused『his』death hadn’t left Subaru’s mind―No, not his death, Meili’s. The face and voice of that wicked man. Mayhaps the time where it would be wiped away would never come.
But, it’s okay. Even so, it’s okay. It’s not like he wanted to be saved. It’s not like he would cling on them, wishing to be saved either.
I want you all to be saved, he thought. I want to help you all, he implored.
―If that can be done by『Natsuki Subaru』then I will do it.
The reason you started running, the destination you set out for better be the same. So long as the road envisioned is the same, then we’re just bitter enemies in the same boat, even if I hate you, I will not complain.
Let me, let『Natsuki Subaru』save Emilia and the others.
Subaru:「Thank you, Emilia. ―You made me believe in that.」
Emilia:「…Subaru, I am―」
With Subaru’s reply, ripples rose within Emilia’s amethyst eyes. Her lips quivering, Emilia started to somehow string together some words towards Subaru who had defined himself as such. And just after that,
Up until then, nothing had disturbed the two of them talking. The situation which had until now remained peaceful, cracked in an instant.
Near them, the aisleway where the two had been conversing was in a flash crushed and pulverised by a shadow. The aisleway lost its shape, and Emilia, losing her balance, lost her footing. Facing her, Subaru who had barely clung onto his foothold strongly kicked against the floor.
At that moment, the tower lost its shape, smashed up and weathered. Perishing next to lumps of stone cladded in the aroma of sand. Subaru immediately dived towards Emilia who had started to fall. The distance shrunk, catching up to her silver hair still lingering above, and finally he closed his arms around her slender body.
As he clutched her slender, soft, warm body, Emilia stirred, calling out Subaru’s name. She was probably trying to change her position in his arms, trying to put herself lower. And because of that, the one that helped and the one that had been helped reversed. Emilia, and everyone else were truly nuts. But alas, Emilia’s effort had been completely useless in this situation.
Emilia, with her back to the ground, unable to see where she was falling to, probably didn’t get the swing of things. It was neither the hard floor of the tower, nor the sprawling sand dunes outside that would come to meet Subaru and her. It would be the pitch-black shadows wrapping this tower that would lead to the end of everything.
So, the two of them would end up being swallowed by the shadow whilst embracing each other just like that.
―No, the opposite.
This surely would become the beginning. That which they’d started once, he would start once again right here, from the end, anew.
For that reason, he would make a promise. Right here, in this world, in this place, he would make the words he exchanged with Emilia real.
Having been saved, having wished of wanting to save them. Let’s start from the end, holding all of that. The time for sputtering and babbling was over.
Infatuation like a curse is nice, isn’t it? It’s what I always wanted.
He didn’t know whether Natsuki Subaru was worthy of being loved. But, since the requirements needed to be loved by Emilia, by Emilia and everyone else were there
Even if they still forget, even if they… even if they don’t remember the words you told me, in this ending world, in this world beginning anew.
Even if they still forget, even if they… even if they don’t remember the words that I struck in you all, in this ending world, in this world beginning anew.
I will remember. I will remember everything. Because even now, even if I have to cling onto them, I will not forget them.
Subaru:「Even if you forget ―I will not forget any of you.」
―Always remember, Natsuki Subaru.
The shadow drew ever closer, its darkness engulfing Emilia and Subaru. Just like that, Emilia… and Natsuki Subaru were sinking, sinking towards the depths of the shadows.
Metempsychosis, everything was coming apart, everything was becoming zero, the end was coming as expected. And, it began in the place where everything became zero.
―A battle to kill Natsuki Subaru and bring back『Natsuki Subaru.』.
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92 thoughts on “Arc 6 – Chapter 54, “Re: Starting Life in a Different World from Zero””
Thank you for the new release! It brings back such nostalgic memories.
This was so good.
Damn, this was one of the best chapters of this arc I’ve read so far.
MY BRAIN IS TREMBLING
aaaaaaaaa finallyyyyy subaruuuuu come fuckinngngnngng backkkkk
I said once before and I’ll say it again….BEST GIRL EMILIA ALWAYS PREAVILS!
Getting our Subaru back!
But she’s not best girl though lol
little confused on what happened to Subaru…
but I know one thing…
…EMILIA IS THE BEST GIRL
Chapter 55 not translated yet? Or am I missing something? Either way thanks for translating all this you guys rock!
Not translated yet
Chapter 53 is missing (Oops! That page can’t be found).
It’s intentional, it will be updated very soon
What about chapter 55 any news on when it will be traslated?
lidl version of From Zero heh?
I wanna read MOOAAAAARRR of it.
Same. I just finished solo leveling where the mc becomes pretty op and now i wanna read a story about a dude actually struggling both physically and mentally
This was a fantastic read! A big nod to their first meeting. Good job Emilia-tan!
This is chapter was so good, I cried a lot. I love Emilia.
the chapter was shit even the japanese didn’t like it much or didn’t got many fanart,
Surely only salty Rem fans who are in denial can hate this chapter.
BEST GIRL EMT!
The ways of E.M.T
That’s a lie. There was huge amount fanart and discussion among JP fans when this chaptet came. Drop the stupid waifu shit already. This isn’t 2016 anymore.
It was a good chapter. Not the best but pretty good
so basically emilia said the she likes subaru in a romantic way. wow 🙂 go barusu, go!
Thanks for the translation
Unreal, what a fucking chapter wow. This is only getting better.
The fact that all this whole amnesia business is happening while Rem is asleep is so disheartening. She gets no good parts. She’s been out of the story for far, far too long at this point….
bro rem is a side character….subaru and emilia are the MCS get your brain out of your rem butt hole
And she got more screentime in season 1 than Emilia.It’s just sad that’s all bro.
It’s like ep 18 ss1 all over again
I’d say it is better then episode 18
I agree ngl, this was amazing
you took the words out of my mind
its intentional, even same title
Emilia really showed how good she is here. She’s almost patrasche level now.
Emilia is almost Patrasche and Otto level best girl now
I hate u, u make me nearly die from coughing….
ok, this is honestly my favorite chapter ever. Holy frick.
ahhhhhhhhh my brain can not take more for it ……………….. i am gonna sleep now its a lot to take in and confusing
Some how emilia managed to do something that rem did before I’m surprised
Came for a reread of all arc 6 and this is really easily my favorite chapter!
Subaru back to no moping, it’s so goood!
this is the closest we’ve got of a Emilia vs Satella showdown, i want more of that in the future, epic chapter nonetheless.
Am i the only one that really wants subaru to read betelgeuse’s and regulus’s book of the dead? I wouldn’t mind having betelgeuse popping in from time to time. Definetely not too frequently tho.
They are already inside Subaru. In a previous chapter he meets with all the witch factor’s previous holders mocking him except Satella
He knew that he was loved, but that he didn’t deserve to be loved.
Damn that kinda hurt on a deeply personal level.
I love Emilia
Godtier chapter. This competes with Arc 5 Chapter 73.
I don’t take sides in this war between Emilia and Rem. Whatever the ending is, I’ll be happy with it.
A beautiful chapter. Wow. Toppei really, REALLY understands how deep darkness makes the light brighter. Emilia’s words toward Subaru had me tearing up. This definitely feels like the turning point of the arc, similar to Rem’s conversation with Subaru before the White Whale attack, or Subaru’s talk with the witches in Arc 4. I hope I’m not wrong, not because I’m tired of the suffering, but because they really deserve some peace I think.
Also, sure, maybe you as the translator consider this to be low quality, but your “low quality” chapters are still very good! It doesn’t feel choppy, the structure doesn’t break immersion. If you’re coming back to retranslate and make it better, I’d never complain, but it really doesn’t feel bad. Thanks for all the work you put into these translations so us English-only fans can appreciate the story.
legends you translators are thank you all so much
I think I am Done with this!!
Is the Author in his senses why in the world will he Destroy his charcter principles of not killing and then suddenly he wants to kill everyone
Thats is Just Stupid!!!!
Now I am Regretting starting this Novel!! Ooh so disappointed!!!
wtf you talking about……
You’re either a troll or so fucking stupid to understand the brilliance of this.
Rationalize it man, for me, he was just saying all of that and in reality he can’t do it, i mean, the farthest he’s gone was to wound Patrasche and it still hurt him. He was just thinking those in hindsight but can’t do it because he’s Natsuki Subaru.
I can’t call this scene anything other than an imitation of the conversation between Subaru and Rem in the capital. Yes, to be honest, I thought that nothing would confuse me anymore, but the author definitely managed to upset me again. Personally, by the way, I’m very interested in what Emily was doing while the others were dying fighting monsters? Did you rehearse the dialogue? Sorry, guys, but I’m yawning.
edit: Did she rehearse the dialogue?
casual rem fans be like
oh god here we go….ITS JUST REM AND SUBARU RIP OFF MAN! god people like you are so cancerous, i hope rem dies so you disgusting weeb rem fans would fuck off from the world already i really hope she dies and its because of you type of people that rem is actually starting to be hated on
Maybe I’m wrong about something. I, for one, don’t really like hating Emilia. I am not at all happy with the fact that I feel negative emotions towards a character who is supposed to evoke positive emotions, in which the author really puts a lot of effort. But I don’t like the way the author develops Emilia. I would be happy if he developed her as a leader, as a politician, as a strong and independent person. So far, Emilia has been a non-independent character, completely dependent on Subaru, and so far, she hasn’t done anything that really impressed me. Until now, the author has developed Emilia primarily as a Subaru girl, and in this role, she does not appeal to me at all. I did not like Emilia in the third arch – and I was told “wait, here in the 4th arch she will show herself”. I did not like Emilia in the 4th arch either-then I was advised to wait until the fifth. And in the fifth arch, Emilia did not impress me – and again I am told that a little more and everything will be fine. To be honest, I’m already tired of waiting for the moment when Emilia will pleasantly surprise me, I no longer believe that this will happen. Yes, I hate to be the person who spoils the mood of others. I don’t want to actually make anyone angry or upset with my comments. Maybe I really should have kept my mouth shut. It doesn’t matter anymore. In any case, my only consolation is that there are people here who are even worse and much more stupid than me, like you, for example. Goodbye, little, useless man.
go kill yourself useless fucking child go jerk off more to your fucking rem pictures fucking idiot, its clear as day no nothing about emilia character development fucking fat asss garbage fuck bag
Least toxic anime fan
she was fighting lye you dumb piece of shit but the tower was be destroyed by satella so lye ended up fleeing scum
Man, you are such a bitch! Didn’t you know what was happening all this time? She was fighting others and so was not able to come out earlier. You fucking pieces of shits are so ignorant of everything that goes on in the context that it is just outraging. You seriously don’t understand how to connect contexts in a story, do you?
Sorry, but your comment to the other guy was just lazily made up. You just ignore whatever she does and blindly having a forced opinion on her.
Better drop the show if you can’t understand characterisations or just shut your dumbass mouth for others sake.
Man, actually, I’ve already realized my mistake. Perhaps it’s time for me to move my pride a little and just admit that I was wrong. I was wrong in refusing to acknowledge the positive aspects of Emilia, and I spent too much energy on futile hatred. I was wrong in that I was much more likely to leave negative reviews than positive ones. I’m not asking for your forgiveness, of course. After all, you did not restrain yourself at all in the conversation with me, as I did not restrain myself when I wrote my review. But still, thanks to this unpleasant situation that arose around my comment, I was able to understand my mistake and become calmer and more peaceful. Finally, I will say that Re Zero is an excellent novel and that the subsequent chapters of the sixth arc gave me great pleasure when reading.
how about you should shut the fuck up and fuck off from the world, LOL i hate EMILIA because my BRAIN cant understand her character development so that means shes trash! your an obvious retard, and btw shes not independent how fucking dumb can you get, shes ALWAYS been independent in her own way, theres NOTHING wrong relying on people and her character development IS THROUGHOUT THE FUCKING STORY ITS ONLY HALF WAY RETARD SHE HAS 2 TRANSFORMATIONS TO GO AND SO DOES SUBARU STILL THEY BOTH GROW TOGETHER AS BETTER PEOPLE AND LOVERS
For all the people who are talking about rem not getting screen time or the rem speech, don’t forget this story is about Subaru and Emilia. They are the two main characters and rem is just a side character. The whole point of the story is Subaru saving Emilia/Satella. In all the novel volumes it literally says “the only ability I got in a different world “return by death” I die again and again to save her.”
Rem could die and the story will continue on but might affect Subaru a bit but if Emilia/Satella dies then the story would end right away.
For the one who said emilia is just a “Subaru girl”. Though I can kinda get your feeling that emilia is so nice to Subaru to the point she is kind of bland. Let’s not forget that after rem was saved in arc 2, she too became a “Subaru girl” and maybe more so than emilia.
Also emilia is meant to be innocent and pure. She can’t be some shrewd leader or she would have to lose innocence. Emilia is too pure of heart and mind to preconceive the worst from her enemies. She believes too much in the good of people. Like how she trusts shaula and meili and the other candidates for the throne. Subaru has doubts on all of them making him a leader. If emilia does that and presumes the possible bad intentions from those she meets. Then emilia is no longer a precious pure flower.
Emilia has also done loads of impressive stuff especially in arc 5. Heck I would argue she is actually in her current state, stronger than garf. Emilia is currently the true strongest fighter in the emilia camp right now. Assuming you don’t count roswaal who is currently acting as a non combatant.
Don’t get me wrong I love rem. Rem made me cry in ep. 18 and in s2 so 1. Rem is a best girl. She just isn’t worth disliking rezero over it. There are tons of other best girls, like crusch,Felix, beatrice,ram,Patrasche, otto, echidna, emilia, even wilhelm. The cast is great. One cast members loss doesn’t detract from the rest of the cast. It hurts to see them go. But others can fill the void. Heck I am going to be really hurt if real Subaru doesn’t return at the end of this arc. I don’t care how much he learns to be the old natsuki Subaru. He will never be the original for me. But even if it does end with me being stuck with this fake. I will accept it and move on to arc 7. Because I like the series as a whole, not just one character. I also trust the author tappei to keep delivering good stories. Especially after the success of vivy fluorite eyes. The episode before the finale had tappei written all over it.
This entire thing how you hate this “fake” Subaru and how you ” only love original Subaru” this is an act what Rem does called idealizing people if you can’t accept Subaru as who he is then it just means you only like what you see which is exactly what Rem can only view Subaru in this case with Emilia, She isn’t telling him to go back to being who he was or anything else like that, Emilia would always love Subaru NO MATTER WHAT even if he changed he would always view Subaru as Subaru.
IF idealizing people and becoming completely obsessed with someone and refusing to let that go is consider “best girl” to you then you need to rethink of your life.
I love how their is a note “(TL Note: Desired throughout this chapter is like in the “Implored” or “Wished” sense, not sexually before anyone gets any ideas.)” However Emilia is actually talking about being with him that way and relies on him or else this is just basically confirming Emilia has 0 romantic feelings for Subaru and she is not speaking from her heart on what she desires with him and during this time she wants to be with him and that is exactly what she is desiring with him. Just Subaru doesn’t as usual see that.
Is it really that uncanny that Emilia would have feelings for Subaru yet not think of him in the sexual way? Hell, she doesn’t even know what that is.
Throughout Arc 6, her blooming feelings are made extremely evident (first in Chapter 2 with “If it makes Subaru turn away from me, that just means that I’ll be the one this time to do my best for him to turn my way. I’m going to be troubled if Subaru isn’t here after all that. Therefore, I’ll also have you come my way, no matter how madly in love you are with Rem with how cute she is.”, mind you this is a correction of Remon’s translation that was verified with a native Japanese speaker), then with little things like the -tan/-chan mix-up once the AmnesiaBaru part starts (Chapter 33 onwards). This line to which the TL note is appended to, is the peak of this progression.
But Emilia does view him in sexual/romantic way because she is attracted to his eyes, ofc she doesn’t know anything about being sexual doesn’ mean she can’t act being one even though she isn’t aware she is.
This might be the turning point in the arc. Fucking amazing chapter.
Maturing is realizing EMT was best girl from the beginning
So basically this is the Rem “I love Emilia” scene, but with Emilia instead. Character development speedrun any%
Man this arc is brutal but amazing
Actually, It’s more of a parallel to Arc 1 when comes to Subaru asking Emilia’s name now it’s Emilia asking Subaru his name.
This Subaru is basically losing his mind and can’t seem to get out of a nightmare of who he is and what’s going on around him
The zero speech, he wasn’t losing his mind he just wanted to latch onto someone because he felt alone and hated himself for the thing’s he did
At first, I also rejected the ‘new’ Natsuki Subaru…
Now, I don’t want him to disappear after bringing「Natsuki Subaru」back…
Emilia best girl
fuck man tappei is just too good at this
When this shit gets adapted and animated I will cry. Probably my favorite chapter in all of re-zero so far.
Emilia is awesome. Rem is also awesome.
Stop fighting over which of the amazing beautiful-inside-and-out young women is better and see them like Subaru does. They’re both worthy of love.
These last few chapters have been the best thing I have ever read. It’s the only time I’ve ever been really pulled into a story ever since I was a child. This is late, but thank you translator.
I cried. This chapter is so good.
Emilia may not be my favourite character in the series overall, but she has by far the best moments. Between most of Arc 4, her resistance against becoming Regulus’ wife and now this chapter, she’s just such a fucking standout
I am not trying to kill you! I just wanted to hear your side of the story, as there was something unusual about you. And since you hadn’t told us about your missing memories, we…
Omg Emilia… How sweet can you be ?
It was a real great chapter, a big thanks to tappei and witchcult, a very big.
And this chapter definitly made me like Emila muchh more