Arc 6, Chapter 38 – “Who Are You”

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Subaru gazed around the room, not knowing what had happened to him. He could not comprehend a shred of the situation.

Subaru: [――――]

It was a room that he had gotten used to seeing now, even if he would hesitate to call it “familiar”.

The walls, floors and ceiling were covered in ivy, even the bed he had woken up in was woven with ivy.

In front of him stood two girls―― a beautiful lady and a beautiful little girl, both craning their necks to look at him. A huge lizard was kneeling beside his bed. On the other bed within the room, a girl with blue hair and closed eyes was lying there.

There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary; this was Pleiades Watchtower’s Green Room.

Subaru: [But… Huh? Why am I here again?]

He did not know if he had even woken up.

With his hands on his head, Subaru recalled what had happened just before.

They had talked about challenging the Second Floor Trial whilst he had tried to confirm whether he possessed any special abilities. After all of that, after confirming that he did not possess any abilities, Subaru had walked through the Tower to join with Emilia and the others――

Subaru: [Errr? What happened after that?]

His memory of what had happened afterwards was unclear.

He had woken up on this bed all of a sudden, that impression had been strong.

And, whilst he fumbled to straighten his mind, a voice broke his train of thought,

Emilia: [Hey, Subaru, are you feeling okay?]

Subaru: [Uwahhh! Emilia-chan, you’re so close!]

Emilia’s beautiful face had suddenly popped up right next to his; she was so close to him that he could feel her breath against his face. In seeing her amethyst-colored eyes, bordered by long eyelashes, approaching out of nowhere, Subaru scooted back to the opposite side of his bed.

Emilia’s eyes widened in surprise at his overreaction.

Emilia: [You don’t have to look so scared… Besides, it was me who had been scared earlier…]

Subaru: [Scared…?]

Beatrice: [Certainly, in fact. We thought that you had disappeared, so we searched for you and found you collapsed, I suppose. It’d be improper to not be worried, in fact.]

Subaru: [Seriously? I collapsed again?]

Beatrice crossed her arms and snorted in exasperation. Subaru was caught by surprise by her words; he stood up and patted his body to make sure it was okay.

Yet, he couldn’t feel any abnormalities. Though it was dubious whether he would notice any difference considering his amnesia, there were no obvious signs of trauma.

Subaru: [Still, it’s pretty dangerous to collapse twice in such a short time… Although it has only been a couple of hours, should I feel lucky that my memories weren’t lost again?]

Beatrice: [What are you grumbling about… Subaru, you should have something to say to Betty, I suppose.]

Subaru: [Something to say…?]

Beatrice hurled these words at him, as he stared at his outstretched arms. Subaru turned around to see both Emilia and Beatrice staring at him.

He was a little bit worried about what would he have to tell the two.

Subaru: [Well, I’m sorry. I apologize for worrying you all. You both saved me again.]

Beatrice: [You’re doing fine so far.]

Emilia: [Heh, you are most welcome. But, I’m quite glad that nothing happened to you. I’m so relieved.]

Subaru: [Ah, yes. Sorry Emilia-chan, it’s inexcusable for me to cause you so much trouble all the time.]

Raising his hand in apology, Subaru expressed his gratitude towards Emilia. However, upon hearing Subaru’s words, Emilia furrowed her shapely eyebrows.

Her amethyst eyes looked absolutely bewildered.

Emilia: [Well, would, wait… Subaru, what happened just now?]

Subaru: [What happened, that’s a vague question. What’s the issue?]

Emilia: [Well, just now you called me Emilia-chan. Somehow, Subaru calling me that makes me feel reaaally uneasy.]

While saying this, Emilia began to fiddle with her long silver hair as she nervously looked at Subaru. Her gaze seemed to be filled with loneliness, causing Subaru to involuntarily let out an internal yelp.

A girl that was open and friendly, and an appearance that was aligned with Subaru’s taste―― however, in regards to her current emotions, Subaru felt like there was a deep gap between them.

Beatrice: [Subaru’s pranks are starting up again now, I suppose. More importantly…]

Beatrice’s mood was starting to get worse after hearing the exchange of the two. Shaking her splendid drills, she snapped her fingers at Subaru.

And, with a puff of her red cheeks, she said,

Beatrice: [It’s about time that you tell Betty and Emilia, in fact. Why did you go to the Library of Taygeta last night, I suppose? Why did you collapse there, in fact?]

Subaru: [Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait, what, I collapsed again in Taygeta?]

Beatrice: [Again?]

Subaru: [Seriously, Taygeta is such a dreadful place… I don’t know what I was doing there again. After all, it’s a place with such a shady history, it was reckless of me, I guess.]

Subaru had been told of an incident which his own memory did not recall, and, bewildered by this fact, he began to feel a little bit unsettled.

For sure, he could not recall anything before and after he had slipped out of consciousness. Still, there should be no reason for him to have visited Taygeta again.

Rather, it was likelier that someone would have found him collapsed elsewhere in the Tower and brought him to Taygeta. Though, he did not see what the point of that would be.

Beatrice: [Wait, I suppose. Subaru.]

However, Beatrice had told him to wait up, as confusion took hold of him.

Subaru: [Yeah?]

Beatrice: [Somehow, I think we’re not on the same page, in fact. Subaru, tell us the story accurately, I suppose.]

Subaru: [Accurately…? What do you mean?]

Beatrice: [Try telling us about the situation you’re in right now.]

Patiently, Beatrice slowly spelled this out to Subaru. He nodded his head as he sensed the intimidation in her tone as she spoke those pressuring, heavy words.

And, whilst Emilia looked at him with a worried expression on her face, Subaru strained his memory in thought.

Subaru: [Well, I think I told you… when I woke up, I had no memories. Though it doesn’t mean that they are completely empty. My memories since being summoned to this parallel world are…]

Beatrice: [Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, in fact!? Memories? What do you mean by memories, I suppose!?]

Subaru: [Huh?]

Beatrice’s usually dignified manner was abruptly shattered as Subaru begun his explanation.

He was surprised by her unexpected reaction. Emilia had placed her hand on the panicked Beatrice’s shoulder to steady her. But Emilia was not calm either.

She was also looking at Subaru in astonishment.

Emilia: [Subaru, I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re saying…]

Subaru: [No, I’d feel bothered if I stop here, I have you two here…]

――He was supposed to know what to say next, he tried to continue, but his words trailed off.

Beatrice & Emilia: [――――]

Both Emilia and Beatrice looked at Subaru with sheer bewilderment in their eyes. It was plain to him that they were not acting.

And because he thought they were not acting, that made it all the more terrifying to him.

Why had they forgotten the time he had told them about his amnesia?

Surely, it was not that the Tower had the capacity to absorb memories, and it so happened that Subaru would not be the only one to find himself without memories. A terrifying thought rose to his mind, namely, that this Tower was dreadful, sucking out everyone’s memories progressively, making conversation impossible――

And then, Subaru realized.

Subaru: [When I woke up, I was talking to these two…]

And on top of that, he may have remembered something―― No, not “may have”. He had definitely remembered something.

The first time he had met Emilia and Beatrice―― for Subaru, the first time meeting them, then having been told that he had lost his memories, that conversation had sounded exactly like the one now.

To put it more plainly, waking up in the Green Room, lying on the ivy bed, was that not a carbon copy of the situation from earlier, when he was told he had lost his memories?

Subaru: [――――]

Thinking about this fact, Subaru gulped loudly.

Gazing at Emilia and Beatrice, both of their behaviors had not changed.

However, it was not from distrust that they were glancing at Subaru in sheer bewilderment, rather it was from heart-felt concern towards “Subaru”.

The fact that there was no deception in their gazes made Subaru feel much calmer at heart.

In all honesty, there was great turmoil within Subaru’s heart, as if it had been tossed about by a gigantic wave. But, having made this guess at the current situation――

Subaru: [I am seeing the same events again―― In other words, these are precognitive dreams.]

Given his situation upon awakening, was it not reasonable to think this?

If so, that loss of consciousness―― should he rather say that he had woken up? In the moment just before being roused from slumber, his memories had been incredibly hazy. Dreams did, for some reason, slip through the cracks between one’s fingers even when attempting to keep them from crumbling.

Or, perhaps these precognitive dreams were a special ability bestowed upon Subaru when summoned into this world――

Subaru: [It’s difficult to make use of, it’s a pretty picky ability…]

However, there was no doubt that were he able to master it, then it would be quite a potent ability.

In the end, a precognitive dream would allow him to foresee the future. The longer it would show him the truth for, the greater chance of finding a clue to overcome the situation

Unfortunately, he did not think that he got much useful information out of this precognitive dream――

Subaru: [――You two, I need you to calm down just a little, and hear what I have to say.]

Sitting up straight, Subaru now had an understanding of the ability he possessed, turned towards them and spoke those words. Emilia and Beatrice both looked at Subaru and nodded.

Looking towards the two, serious expressions on their faces, Subaru spoke with a slight hint of hesitation,

Subaru: [I don’t know if you can believe this, but I seem to have lost my memories.]

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――Subaru had awakened at the Library of Taygeta, and lost his memories.

It took as much time as it had in the precognitive dream for Emilia and Beatrice to digest what Subaru had revealed.

Emilia: [Eiiiiii!]

With an air-splitting sound, Emilia slammed her palms onto her own white cheeks with all her strength. Her anxious eyes widened up in pain, and at the shock, as she motivated herself with an “There.”

It was a brave, almost manly way of accepting it, something he had also seen in his precognitive dream.

Emilia: [I got my spirit back. Being like that is no-good, is it? How could we keep making that troubled face when Subaru must be feeling even more troubled than we are. Quick, Beatrice too!]

Having rallied her strength with a vigorous speech, Emilia shook Beatrice’s shoulder. In front of Emilia’s geared-up presence, Beatrice looked at her, unable to hide her confusion.

Emilia: [I’m shocked too, and I also understand the sadness… but right now, we have to think about the one who’s taking this the hardest. We have to do something for him, don’t we?]

Beatrice: [B-Betty is…]

Subaru: [――――]

Subaru fought back a pang in his chest as he watched Beatrice struggle to get her words out.

Subaru knew exactly what Beatrice would say, and what sort of face she would make. But he was quite wrong in thinking that it would bring him some peace of mind.

Having to betray someone’s feeling of hopes was tough; rather, it was terrifying.

No matter how many times he had to do it, regardless of whether it was the same problem for the second time, it was all the same.

And now, Subaru knew Beatrice much better than the first time around. That was why now was far tougher for Subaru than the first time around.

???: […Auuuuggghhh, just, really! Subaru is just the most hopeless Contractor in the world, in fact!]

With that said, Beatrice broke through her embarrassment and the pattern of the butterfly wings that adorned her irises started to flutter in her eyes.

While he was relieved by that, Subaru felt a strong sense of self-hatred.

――Was this right? Was he satisfied with this? Yeah, Natsuki Subaru.

――Could he really erect a castle upon the sand, on top of the bonds and faith he had already built up?

Subaru: [――――]

Subaru gritted his teeth together as he saw Emilia and Beatrice’s heart-wrenching, albeit gentle, determination.

Subaru had not confided with them that he was able to experience precognitive dreams.

As for the conversation after he woke up, as he remembered their names, he pushed the fact that not all his memories had been lost.

In fact, Subaru’s report had been about the allocation of his missing memories, not only that he had lost his memories. He could not afford to doubt the two people with him, and furthermore, Subaru himself did not wish to engage in any unproductive conversation.

Above all else, he wanted to figure out to which extent his precognitive dreams would show the truth correctly.

For this reason, he did not want to create a situation which would deviate from what his precognitive dream had shown him. Albeit some changes had occurred at the start, those deviations were nothing major.

However, this was not the only reason for which Subaru did not disclose his precognitive dreams.

Subaru: [――――]

Neither Emilia nor Beatrice, Ram nor Julius, Echidna nor even anyone, had explained to Subaru that he had this Precognitive Dreams ability. Shaula and Meili also had not.

It was difficult to imagine that they had intentionally hidden it from Subaru. Even under the prior circumstances, it was difficult to believe that they all possessed the same intention; it made no sense.

Then it was inevitable that there was only one reason as to why they would not know of his Precognitive Dreams―― that is, Natsuki Subaru had never revealed to them his ability.

Subaru: […What were you thinking, Natsuki Subaru.]

Subaru called his name out as if referring to a different person.

――No, saying as if referring to a different person was wrong. It was a different person.

To Subaru, “Natsuki Subaru” was an unknown person who did not exist. He could not guess what he had been thinking and he could not interact with him. There would be no chance of getting to understand him.

Why did “Subaru” not tell Emilia nor the others about his power?

Was it because he did not want to change the development of these precognitive dreams as much as possible? Even if it was due to that, surely once the situation had been overcome there would have been time to confide this?

Otherwise, was there a reason as to why he could not say it, or as to why he wished not to say it?

Distrust of the old “Subaru” was steadily growing within him.

Subaru: [You…]

――What were you thinking, “Natsuki Subaru”?

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――After that, the events took place as expected, roughly following what he had seen in his precognitive dreams.

Emilia: [So, I guess everyone is pretty shocked… Subaru is in quite a situation right now. But, even in a situation like this… no, precisely because the situation is like this, we should give him our support.]

Emilia explains to the others how Subaru has lost his memories. Although it wasn’t the greatest of explanations, it was now impossible to make a follow-up in case he drastically changed the events. Thus, in place of Emilia, who sucked with words, Beatrice ended up taking on the struggle.

And then――

Ram: [Is this some kind of prank, Barusu?]

Ram had suspected that Subaru’s situation might have been a prank――

Shaula: [Say, Master… you’re still not tired of playing around like this~? Just how many times do you have to forget me before you cut that ouuut?]

Shaula had indifferently accepted that he had lost his memories, as if she thought it was something that couldn’t be helped――

Meili: [Really, onii-san’s such a headache-san.]

Whether disinterested or not, Meili smiled at the prank, as if enjoying the atmosphere of confusion――

“Anastasia”: [Just, give him some time to compose himself. That should be fine, no?]

Worried about Julius as he had become extremely upset at hearing that Subaru had lost his memories, soon after Echidna suggested for them to take a brief interval to collect their thoughts.

Subaru then accepted Ram’s invitation and left the room to fetch some water. Once the two of them were alone, Ram grabbed Subaru by his collar and pushed him against the wall.

Ram: […Please, spit it all, out.]

She had not parted with her nobility. However, that was not to say that her very core had been rocked. After hearing Ram’s quiet sobs, Subaru returned to where everyone was with one conviction.

――The precognitive dreams were accurate. They were terribly accurate and foreshadowed the events completely.

Subaru did not know everything they would say and do, but the impression that they had given was pretty much unchanged. If there was a problem――

“Anastasia”: [Natsuki-kun is quite calm despite the situation.]

Re-introducing each other, and both revealing their bombshells, with that Anastasia’s consciousness was currently overwritten by Echidna’s, Echidna said that to Subaru.

Subaru: [――――]

Subaru felt his mouth dry up after hearing Echidna’s words.

To be honest, Echidna’s observation was understandable. Subaru himself couldn’t really do much about it.

Everyone was shocked and in a state of panic. Still, whilst seeing her trying to smooth over the absurd situation, he could not help but not feel much empathy from within his heart for them. It was like when one watched a movie for a second time, the emotions experienced would not be as strong as the first time it was watched.

That which he felt even stronger, was a flurry of negative emotions, namely sympathy towards them for putting on such a brave face, guilt for leaving them as-is despite knowing that, and a feeling of revulsion towards “Subaru”, who probably would have continued to do such.

It was no wonder that Subaru bore a dark expression on his face coupled with a taciturn attitude, even though they had thought that was him remaining calm. In any case――

Subaru: [I’m happy that things have settled down. I was the type of kid who’d always get “he never settles down” written down in his report card.]

“Anastasia”: [Reeport kaard, I do not completely understand that that means… is that something from that “parallel world”?]

Subaru: [Yeah.]

Narrowing his eyes, Subaru nodded his head at Echidna’s question.

Questions regarding the “parallel world” were asked again, and Subaru’s replies remained unchanged. He explained how he had been summoned to this different world, and found himself in this place.

And the same understanding as before came from Emilia, Echidna and the others, who concluded his origin laid beyond the Great Waterfall.

Perhaps, even if a thorough reproduction of the events of his precognitive dreams was not achieved, events that held some sense of importance would still be realized with some slight changes to them. It was something typically found in the games and manga that involved some kind of future prediction mechanic, in Subaru’s recollection.

Though the response to a sudden situation might change, what would be settled upon would not fade away so easily. A person who would have decided to ask someone out on a date, would go on to ask the person out in a completely different way than before, as there would be some notable obstacles in the way―― that was the feeling he got.

In other words, Echidna was going to ask about the other world, regardless of whether he had lost his memories or not.

Subaru: [Even though I didn’t explain it up until now, was I still careless in mentioning the word “parallel world”… My understanding what I was thinking keeps going down.]

Due to the nature of his precognitive dreams, confiding about his ability was difficult, and rather than that, it was incredibly strange that he had not spoken talked about that different world. It was almost like he had just given up, deeming it pointless to confide it.

――As if he were afraid to.

“Anastasia”: [After all, it is odd that you sound the least confused amongst us. We are all growing uneasy here, thinking we must do something about it.]

Subaru: [Maybe this is what they mean when they talk about everyone being in a panic, but the party in question instead grows calm. Even I’m nervous, thinking we ought to do something about it. So rest assured there.]

Emilia: [I feel like we can’t feel relieved with that at all…]

With that light-hearted talk, Echidna shrugged, and so did Subaru. Emilia looked quite dispirited as she watched that exchange; the mood was still, somehow, hitting rock bottom.

After all, Subaru’s attitude was a big factor. He had tried to mimic his dream self’s actions as much as possible; but in honesty, his demeanor lacked clarity.

It was very difficult to imitate the confused self he had seen in his dream. So, before he spouted out additional nonsense――

Subaru: [Anyways, I understand the situation we are in. I know that there’s a lot of confusion, but let’s overcome it together. Let’s do something about it.]

Clapping his hands together, Subaru tried to forcefully advance the conversation.

What had been done after that last discussion? Beatrice nodded in response, and as if obeying the precognitive dream, she spoke,

Beatrice: [You’ll want to check Taygeta’s Library, I suppose.]

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Shaula: [Ueeeh~.]

With a loose-lipped smile, the glamorous, beautiful woman let out a shriek.

If she would just straighten herself out and start to look more dignified her beauty would surely captivate the hearts of many men. Her face relaxed though, as she tried to snuggle into Subaru.

Shaula: [Master, Master. I’m haaappyyy~. I swear I’ll make you haaappyyy!]

Subaru: [Hey, don’t say that. Don’t hug my arm. You’re frighteningly soft!]

Shaula: [Ahhhn~, I just wanna have it so those mean parts of yours are smushed, you know.]

Subaru continued to push her away by her forehead whilst Shaula tried to desperately cling onto his arms.

In all honesty, being clung onto by a beautiful woman who’d had a tempting appearance from the get-go was something Subaru would prefer to refrain from, both in terms of his strength as a human, and as a boy.

Subaru and the others had arrived now at the Third Floor of Pleiades Watchtower, where the Library of Taygeta was located. As it had been in his dream, they would search the Library in an attempt to find out how Subaru had lost his memories, and if possible, restore them.

However, Subaru knew that their search would be fruitless, and that no results would be obtained. It was going to be an irritating time for him now, since he hadn’t been allowed to participate in the search.

Though to him, it looked like Shaula was acting way too over-familiar than his dream had shown――

Shaula: [After all, Master, you chose us over that ankle-biter, didn’t youuuu?]

Subaru: [It’s not like I specifically chose you! Due to what’s happening, I couldn’t help but be stuck with you!]

Shaula spoke this with a ditzy expression, talking about their approach to Taygeta. Although the distance to the Library had not been long, Subaru had arranged it so that he would not have to hold hands with Emilia and Beatrice.

His real intention behind that, had been borne out of pangs of conscience towards Beatrice and Emilia. Given that he knew what was going to happen thanks to his precognitive dream, he had not revealed the fact that it was probably going to be a waste of time, and adopting a birds-eye view of the situation, Subaru had treated the two girls like so.

Therefore, he was now sitting next to the air-headed Shaula, whilst waiting for the party to finish searching Taygeta.

Shaula: [Finally, Master recognized how charming and attractive I am! I had to wait four-hundred years for this! I’m so happy, I’m so happy! I will give you such a deep kiss!]

Subaru: [That’s not what I was implying! That’s scary! Really, stop it!]

Shaula was pressing her body down onto his, and Subaru tried desperately to push her off, but because of her unusual strength, he found himself pinned against a wall. Far from being a kabe-don, it was a kabe-gowaa[1]! That was how intense it was.

And, just before the virginity of Subaru’s lips, which had never experienced the love of a woman, was forcefully taken away――

???: [Hey, hey, onii-san seems to dislike this. Quit fooling about.]

Shaula: [Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!]

It had been Meili who had dragged Shaula off him by pulling her back by her ponytail. Even having the strength of a little girl, by putting her weight into it, it would cause massive pain.

However, Shaula reclaimed her braid with a twist of her neck, and carefully cradled her long, black hair against her chest.

Shaula: [What did you do to my hair!? What did you do to my precious hair, you horrible little giiirl!]

Meili: [I don’t want the silver-haired onee-san or Beatrice-chan to be angry. I was keeping watch to make sure that naked onee-san didn’t do anything bad to onii-san.]

Shaula: [Grrrrr! So annoying! Master, please do somethiing!]

Subaru: [Shaula, don’t you dare come within two meters of me. You’re scary.]

Shaula: [Master’s such an idiooot~.]

Shaula turned her back from Subaru, feigning a break down to tears.

Subaru scratched his cheeks in confusion as he looked on at her exposed back, then he turned around to face Meili, holding her hands behind her back.

Subaru: [Ah, you really saved me… now that’s a strange thing to say to a killer-for-hire.]

Meili: [Don’t worry. This killer’s gone out of business, now I do what onii-san, onee-san and their friends tell me to. Onii-san and the others can make good use of me, like when I help out with the bad animal-chans.]

Subaru: [――――]

She spoke with neither malice nor ulterior motive, hence why Subaru did not react to her words.

Meili did not seem to be especially affected by any particular pangs of conscience as she spoke. Those represented the difference between the values of his world, and this one.

Meili: [――――]

She said nothing in response to Subaru’s silence, and remained looking at him silently, with an unfathomable expression on her face. Meili now turned to gaze indifferently in the direction of Emilia and the others, still searching the Library.

The girl was quite short, had a youthful face, her arms and legs were still tiny, and there was still quite a way to go before she would possess the curvature of a woman―― in the end, she was still a child.

It was unbearable to him that she held such broken values about herself.

Subaru: [Maybe, there’s still plenty we can rely on you for, so I’m counting on you!]

Meili: [――? Eh, so this is what you’re saying? That you’ll make good use of me.]

Subaru: [No, not use. Rely. You’re not a tool that can be just used, think of it like a… friendship?]

Meili: […Hmmm~.]

For a second Meili had regarded Subaru’s words in shock, but as it had only been for a fleeting moment, she quickly averted her eyes afterwards. Subaru was relieved that she had not reacted in discomfort; rather it had seemed like a faint glimmer of comfort had flitted across her face.

Even if within her heart she held broken values about herself, it did not mean that everything she could feel would end up being out of sync from that which Subaru knew.

The fact that they both could compromise about these unknown circumstances, made Subaru feel a little bit better.

Meili: […Onii-san really doesn’t remember anything, right?]

Subaru: [Yup? Unfortunately. Was something on your mind?]

He had unexpectedly stirred something about his memories from Meili, and so Subaru asked a question in return. To his query, Meili just put her fingers to her lips, let out an “Oh yeah”, and gave a very sweet smile.

Meili: [Petra-chan’d cry if she heard about this.]

Subaru: [Ugh… The name of a girl I don’t know, again.]

Meili: [Petra-chan is a girl that loves onii-san. She was worried about you going all the way out here, it almost feels like I could hear her say “See, I told you so”.]

Subaru: [God damn that me from yesterday, what thoughtless things did he do…]

Subaru looked on bitterly, thinking in distress about the feelings of this young girl, Petra, that he had not yet seen. How much would he end up learning about the footprints that the “Subaru” unknown to him had left?

Meili: [Really, I honestly think that my opinion of onii-san from yesterday is that he was quite careless as weeell~.]

Meili was stretching as she said this, ignoring the turmoil she had left in Subaru’s heart. In his mind it had sounded like what she had said had been accompanied by a very strange emotion.

In any case, Emilia and the others would come back sooner than he could confirm it.

As expected, no clues had been found, and with that fact, it only reinforced how accurate his predictive dream had been.

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Since the search of Taygeta had ended with no success, they would now prepare to go up to the Second Floor.

In other words, this represented the full scope of the precognitive dreams in Subaru’s knowledge, so everything beyond this point was unknown―― Subaru had until now not doubted the accuracy in his future prediction ability at all.

The events had transitioned just as Subaru had experienced them before. If any issues were to occur at this point, he would not be able to respond by using the knowledge of the future shown by his precognitive dreams.

Subaru: [I’m able to predict the future, isn’t it insane that I managed to confirm it?]

However, it was also strange.

In the first place, Subaru did not know how, or what conditions were needed to activate his precognitive dreams. Would it activate if he fell asleep, or did it need some sort of trigger; or was it just completely random?

It would be unlikely that there would be time to find a place to sleep due to the urgency of the current situation, but because of that, he wanted to depend on the power of his foresight. Certainly, he would need to find out more details about this.

He would need to investigate thoroughly what he could do with his foresight.

Subaru: [For now, just as in my dream, I managed to force Beatrice to leave me alone, but…]

Subaru had pushed through in his request to Beatrice to leave him alone, so he could experiment with the transformation poses via trial and error.

It had seemed that Beatrice’s tenacity in attempting to remain more attached to him was greater compared to what he’d seen in his dreams. That was probably as a consequence of being around her less than in his dreams, such as on the way to Taygeta.

In any case, he had a reason for being alone.

Subaru: [I have to find out why I woke up and what happened to me just before I woke up.]

It may be that he just happened to wake up normally, beckoned by the real world. However, it could also be that there had been something within his dream that had caused him to wake up.

Something like encountering a horrible experience, or a painful one.

Subaru: [I’m a little freaked out right now… what if I start to have precognitive dreams-ception; it’s spooky, it’s like as if I was dreaming of being a butterfly[2].]

Dreaming of being a butterfly was the situation where one would dream of physically being a butterfly, but when upon waking up, one wouldn’t be really sure whether they were a butterfly dreaming of being a person, or a person having dreamt of being a butterfly.

It felt like it would become a vicious, never-ending loop, like a self-fulfilling prophecy that would drive the footholds of his own self to a corner of uncertainty, as something unreliable.

If this were to be applied to Subaru’s current situation, was this truly a reality he had woken up to from a prophetic dream, or was this a prophetic dream he believed to be the reality he had woken up to?

No way, he’d rather not be jolted awaken by Emilia and Beatrice in the green room this had started in once more, but――

Subaru: [――To prevent this, I need to go past where my dream ended. If I can do that, then I should be able to tell Emilia and the others about my precognitive dreams.]

The “Subaru” before losing his memories had unfortunately avoided confiding this information to Emilia and the others. However, Subaru now was anxious to change this situation and tell everyone what he could do.

He did not know what would become, if he were to do such a careless thing; frightened by this anxiety, he did not want to bring a situation about where he would delay it now.

Subaru: [――I have decided.]

Looking back to re-evaluate his position, Subaru had finally decided that he would tell them about his precognitive dreams.

Nonetheless, what was coming up ahead was an unknown to him. After the point at which Beatrice had left, his memories, including those of having performed the transformation poses, were quite fuzzy.

Therefore, showing proof that he could experience precognitive dreams would be quite difficult to do. In addition, he did not know how to activate them. He would need them to cooperate with him when attempting to explain his ability.

If he could master them, they would become an extremely powerful weapon at his disposal. Or perhaps it was the weapon necessary for conquering Pleiades Watchtower.

With these thoughts in mind――

???: [――As for Natsuki-kun, is it not dangerous for him to accompany us in the crazed state he is in right now?]

???: [――――]

Having arrived in front of the hall, in an attempt to join everyone, Subaru held his breath at hearing those words.

The intelligent voice he had heard was Echidna’s.

For some reason, in his mind, Subaru had hesitated to announce his presence, and decided to hide behind the wall. Without noticing Subaru’s presence, the conversation in the hall continued.

Emilia: [Echidna, what do you mean by dangerous?]

“Anastasia”: [There is nothing else to say right? Considering his current state, it is certain he has lost his memories. However, what he said afterwards was truly crazed. The way he explained the term ”parallel world” is proof.]

Emilia: [Parallel… world…]

Julius: [You do not truly believe he came from beyond the Great Waterfall?]

Julius and Emilia seemed shocked at hearing Echidna’s words.

Subaru’s heart lurched, what did Echidna’s remarks from just now mean? He wanted to jump out from his hiding spot and ask her, but for now he would suppress that emotion.

Even if Subaru did not ask, surely someone else would――

Ram: [It was certainly an absurd explanation.]

Emilia: [Ram… You too doubt what Subaru said?]

Emilia reacted in surprise at Ram’s cold, indifferent tone. In response to her question, Ram curtly spoke, “Emilia-sama”,

Ram: [It is not as if I doubt Barusu’s argument from the start. Indeed, Barusu’s knowledge, behavior and strange customs are things unknown to us. It is clear that he may indeed come from a place which none of us here know about.]

Emilia: [Well, in that case…]

Ram: [But, his origins, they are limited to this world. The Great Waterfall… Being from beyond that place may surely be tailored to mean that term of Barusu’s, “parallel world”, but I cannot believe the existence of such a place… There is no reason to believe in Barusu’s words at all, anymore.]

Emilia: [Ram…]

Emilia’s voice faintly trailed away as she heard Ram’s explanation, which felt like she was enduring bitterness in it. But there was no reply; and so Emilia quietly cleared her throat,

Emilia: [I believe in Subaru, so Beatrice too, please, please, try to believe what Subaru said.]

Julius: […Emilia-sama, Echidna is not suggesting that Subaru is attempting to purposefully deceive us. She is just stating that he is in a terrible state of confusion.]

Beatrice: [In that statement, you still agree with that Spirit, I suppose!?]

Julius tried to rationally explain their thoughts to Emilia, however, Beatrice was having none of it, as she was intent on remaining on Subaru’s side in this matter. Her temper had flared considerably.

At that moment, an unnerving silence had fallen within the room; Subaru’s forehead had started to sweat.

Shaula: [Heeeey, it’s best if you all quit fighting and settle dooown. Even if you are are at each other’s throats arguing here, right now, Master’s not here, so no way he’s gonna be pleased.]

Meili: [I don’t think it’s quite a discussion on that scale yet… But, yeah, that’s right.]

He heard the voices of Shaula and Meili, who still seemed to be bystanders. Laughing rather superciliously for a short while, Meili continued her speech with “Going crazy”,

Meili: [Why don’t you ask onii-san directly? Onii-san, are you going crazy?]

Subaru: [――Hk.]

Subaru clenched his molars to those venomous words. He withdrew from the wall with surprising calmness; taking caution as to not make a noise when walking, he distanced himself from the room.

Subaru: [――――]

After putting some distance between them, his prudent footsteps quickened in pace, which then turned into a run.

Then, arriving at a passageway where no one was present, he pressed his forehead against the wall.

Subaru: [Fuck…!]

Not knowing what he should say to whom, Subaru struck the wall, letting out the feelings smoldering inside him.

The discussion that had taken place in Subaru’s absence was an unexpected shock to him.

He had not been conceited enough to think that he had gained their full confidence. Rather, he could safely say that such a point had not been in his thoughts.

Subaru had thought that trust was such a basic premise.

Emilia and Beatrice had been too kind and thoughtful towards Subaru.

Whilst insisting to himself that it had felt far too uncomfortable, he had tricked himself into believing that it was true. There was no doubt in him that he was from a different place, and that that would have help them conquer the Tower.

With the handicap of losing his memories and his calm and collected thoughts, he had lost all his usefulness.

Looking at it objectively, he realized just how shameless he was.

What was trust in this Tower amid the desert? He himself could not understand it much.

He wondered if he could ever handle what “Natsuki Subaru” had gained.

Subaru: [In this state, it’s no use telling them about my precognitive dreams.]

The fact that they believed in his memory loss was proof of these people’s virtue.

At the same time however, they were sensible people who did not believe in the existence of a different world”.

Therefore, he did not even have to consider the response provoked by an explanation of his precognitive dreams.

Subaru: [From the start, I bungled it up…]

Messed up, he had messed up.

In the meanwhile, how would Subaru overturn their evaluations of him, showing that he could be dependable at this point.

What was sought now, what was needed now was “Natsuki Subaru”. Not Natsuki Subaru.

Would it be alright if he feigned ignorance and went back down to them? Also, in a state of unknowingness of the kind of exchange that had taken place, would it be okay if he shamelessly joined their capture of the Second Floor?

Or would Emilia and Beatrice veto that, and have him stay behind. And who would be keeping an eye on him there.

At least he would like to hope for Shaula or Meili, given that conversation with them was no issue.

Subaru: […Fuck, I’m such an idiot.]

Whilst saying those words out loud, Subaru abruptly came out of the passageway he was walking through.

He had come across the great spiral staircase which connected the Fourth Floor to the Floors below―― a gaping hole that spanned the middle of the Watchtower to its lower half. It was truly colossal.

Subaru: [Spiral, staircase…]

Suddenly, paying close attention to that scene, Subaru started to ponder.

Including his dreams, this was his second time he had come here. Both in dream and reality, Emilia and everyone else had guided the amnesiac Subaru around the Tower.

So, recognizing this place was not a mistake, but――

Subaru: [No, apart than that, I feel something strange…]

Goosebumps coursed his body, he felt the hairs on his back stand on end.

The blood in his whole body felt cold, and the ringing in his ears was awfully loud. His heartbeat had accelerated, his breathing became rough, and his knees began trembling for whatever reason.

As his teeth begun making an uncontrollable chattering noise, Subaru became aware of these abnormalities.

However, they were not caused due to any changes in temperature or any external causes.

This abnormality, this unusual phenomenon, had been caused by Subaru’s own body. Speaking more on that matter, it was as if the effect on his body was due to Subaru’s spirit, or something from a deeper place――

Subaru: [――Ah.]

With a faint tap, Subaru took a step forward.

――No, it could not be said that he stepped forward.

To step forward, was a term which presumed the existence of solid ground which could be stepped on.

Stepping ahead, his leg had come out.

And his foot had scratched the air. And so, he,

Subaru: [A]

A

A

A

A

A

A

A

A

A

――!?”

Falling, falling, he was falling.

His whole body was overwhelmed by a feeling of weightlessness, losing sight of what was up or down, a tremendous gust of wind hitting his eardrums.

That moment, Subaru understood what was happening. He was falling.

No, there had been a light impact back then. That did not necessarily mean that he had just fallen.

He had been pushed down―― “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA――!!”

Screaming his lungs out, Subaru desperately stretched out his hands. Searching for somewhere, anywhere to hold on to.

There was nothing. There was nowhere he could hold on to. The world around him was revolving, so much that he was unable to comprehend the world around him.

A desperate feeling of wanting to vomit overpowered him, as all the contents of his body were pulled from bottom to top. Chunks of yellow vomit overflowed from his mouth, spilling out right into the air around him.

This sensation, he remembered it.

In the midst of his pain and vomiting, the memories that had once been ambiguous suddenly became sharper.

Yes, yes, that was it.

Before he had woken up, at the end of his precognitive dream, Subaru had experienced the same thing.

He had fallen, futilely lamented his situation, and then lost consciousness.

And after that situation’s terminus, he had woken up from his precognitive dream and found himself in the Green Room――

At that moment, a great impact shattered the right side of Subaru’s body into fine pieces.

*CRACK*

The sound of something breaking filled the air, his right side felt like it had been struck by lightning, but Subaru’s cries were silenced.

And, right after, even if a bit belated, severe pain coursed through his body.

Subaru: [GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!]

Looking towards it, his right arm was sticking out at an odd angle, completely broken from the elbow with the bone protruding out from his skin. He was covered in blood, his cover was torn, and he could see his own pinkish muscles and white bone laying underneath his torn skin.

He had crashed. Subaru’s body had crashed against the spiral staircase while falling towards the bottom. As it was now, his uncontrolled spiraling descent would end up destroying Subaru’s body, and yet, it would not stop.

――No, it was far worse.

Subaru: [GHA! GHHH! GHHUU!]

The body, tumbling downwards, had struck one of the lower steps of the spiral staircase, spraying blood everywhere.

It had been bad luck that it had been his head to hit the next step. His forehead cracked; he felt like something that should not be spilled was spilling out from the insides of his skull.

Instantly, his consciousness went somewhere far away, and then was gone―― and when it seemed like all had ended, his body collided with another step, and the pain from his broken right arm jolted him awake as his body continued to lose its shape.

Subaru: [AHHHHHHHHHH!!! GYAAAAAA!!]

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

Pain, anguish, vomiting, burning, Natsuki Subaru was being shattered into small pieces.

Arms, feet, face, every part of him was slammed and scraped against the stone staircase, broken, crushed, making it so he no longer resembled a human being. No longer a person, into something that no longer was “Natsuki Subaru”.

――Memories are what shape people.

Subaru: [Fuh.]

Whilst spattering out a vast amount of blood, Subaru suddenly heard this voice.

Who had said such a silly thing, saying it like they understood him?

But, it was a good thing to say. Memories were what shaped people. It was a good saying.

If so, what the hell did that make someone who had lost their memories, and no longer was who they once were?

Subaru: [――――]

Blood was spewing from his mouth; quite literally, a scream that spewed blood, his throat had been completely crushed.

Natsuki Subaru was falling apart, crumbling away until he reached the distant, distant ground.

There was no waking up from this dream. Natsuki Subaru had failed.

There would be no more second chances to try again.

The end drew near.

Slowly, darkness, darkness, the world around him was being dyed black.

――Who are you.

And finally, after all the pain and hot blood, Natsuki Subaru crumbled out of existence.

Translation notes:

[1] Kabe-don is the act of “slamming one’s hand onto the wall in front of someone”, where “kabe” (壁) means “wall”, and “don” (ドン) is supposed to represent a bang or thump. This is a common trope in Anime. Kabe-gowaa is a pun, where “gowaa” (ゴワァ) is a sound effect for something stronger than the conventional “don”. Alternatively, it may be drawing from the word “ゴワゴワ”, which has nuances of “discomfort”. Since Shaula is jumping straight to first base.

[2] Seems to be referencing this famous Chinese saying. As a fun fact, this is also a (perhaps unintentional) reference to the current title of the deleted Lust IF Web Novel Chapter (Butterfly’s Dream).