Arc 6 – Chapter 46, “Meili Portroute”

 

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Translated by :

  • Paperlightning
  • Ringo, /u/Ringo_17
  • Ice_Occultism, /u/Ice_Occultism
  • Furuta, /u/GracedHarperd

Proofread by:

  • Shifty, /u/Shiftyfish87
  • Review, /u/ReviewR524
  • Tournament, /u/Tournament1122

Fan Art Created by :

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ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO TAPPEI NAGATSUKI, THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR OF RE:ZERO STARTING A LIFE IN A DIFFERENT WORLD FROM ZERO, THIS IS A TRANSLATION OF THE FREE JAPANESE WEB NOVEL INTO ENGLISH

JAPANESE WEB NOVEL SOURCE

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Meili Portroute

Staring at the binding of the book, as Emilia said that, Subaru became shocked. His eyes shot open, He glared at the binding of the book. The letters written there, Subaru couldn’t read them at all. However, here now, there is no reason for Subaru to put on a pretext and think that Emilia was shaking without meaning.

Then why was there a「Book of the Dead」with Meili’s name in the title? There was no room to doubt this fact.

Subaru:「――――」

He still couldn’t talk, Subaru with stiff cheeks had his back break out in a cold sweat. Inside his skull, his brain was desperately screaming one thing and one thing only:「Why.」

Why is there a book with Meili’s name here? Why did this library that kept records of the dead have the girls book ready that quickly? Why is it that in a library this vast that they found Meili’s book so easily? Why was it that the moment Subaru felt like he could trust Emilia out of everyone in the tower this had to happen? Why was it that fate just couldn’t forgive Natsuki Subaru? Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Whywhywhywhywhywy hywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhyhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhyw hywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

Emilia:「―Beatrice, did you check the contents of the book?」

Subaru:「―hk」

While forcing himself to bury the incredible amount of「Why’s」in his head, those words rung awfully clearly inside of his eardrums. Raising his face in a snap, Emilia was the one who probed Beatrice. She asked Beatrice whilst continuing to lay against the bookshelf, glaring at the book in question.

As far as Subaru had heard about the「Books of the dead」found in this library, if you are acquainted with the person in the book, and touch it, then the memories of their life will pour into their head. Though it’s a magical book with unwavering powers, it is not the fantasy-tone part of the story that becomes a problem in this place, it’s a more realistic problem.

Looking at the records of Meili’s life means that they will supposedly see the records of her last moments. In other words all that they will see who it was that strangled her.

Subaru:「――――」

Subaru had killed Meili with his own two hands in these circumstances, he does not doubt that it was「Natsuki Subaru」that had carried it out. But, it’s only Subaru who can come to that distinction. The memories act sort of like video footage, such as the ones you could get from crime prevention cameras around potential crime scenes. He won’t be able to expect them to follow such a distinction. In addition, Subaru in this loop had concealed his memory loss from Emilia and the others.

Subaru’s crime would become clear to them from the memories, and it very much would reach the stage where it would reveal his memory loss. If the others had acted ad-hoc already, then it would only sound like a bad excuse. Naturally, Emilia and the others seemed to be on the same level as Subaru. But if Beatrice had anticipated this and had already referred to the memory about Meili’s death―

Beatrice:「―I haven’t checked yet, I suppose.」

Subaru:「―hk, oh, is that so?」

Beatrice:「It’s natural that I didn’t, in fact. I have no choice but to handle it carefully, I suppose. In fact, to begin with, we don’t even know whether this Meili’s book is about the one we know. If it really is that girl’s book…」

Emilia:「Meili’s inside this tower… oh no! We have look for her right away!」

Her complexion changing, Emilia tries to breaks off into a run at hearing Beatrice’s words. However, Beatrice cuts in front of Emilia and shakes her head.

Beatrice:「Wait, I suppose! If it really is that girl’s book, then searching for her all in a hurry is meaningless, in fact. You know what happens when a book is added here, I suppose.」

Emilia:「…so because of that, Ram went searching for us and Julius’ group.」

Beatrice:「If in the middle of this, Meili waltzes in looking all innocent, then you can take this as being Betty’s childish misunderstanding.」

Emilia’s strength steadily drains out of her as she listens to Beatrice calmly pointing these facts out. Still, with a fretful look across her pale face, Emilia clasps her hands against her chest, as if she was praying. She hopes that the book that had come from the bookshelf was not Meili’s one; she clings onto the hope that it belongs to someone who had happened to have the same name as her.    

―But, Natsuki Subaru knows that hope will never come true.

「――――」

Subaru was frantically turning his head back and forth between Emilia and Beatrice as they spoke. His thoughts were spinning around in circles; for the most part he was thinking on how to get out of this situation and whether to keep the truth only to himself.  

As he had simulated before, he can’t let Emilia and the others see Meili’s memories. It was a stroke of good luck that Beatrice hadn’t seen them, even so, it was only a matter of time until one of them would. It’s a fact that Meili is dead, she will never appear in this library again looking all innocent. So of course, they will eventually get a chance to check the「Book of the Dead.」Before long they would do it.

If they look at the book, everyone will accuse Subaru. Then, should he do something like disposing of Meili’s book? ―No, he wants to avoid that. It’s true that this situation was exceedingly difficult, however, Subaru’s feelings had become more problematic Subaru also has a great interest in the contents of the book.

Subaru currently believes with certainty that it was「Natsuki Subaru」who had killed Meili. If he were to look through Meili’s records, he may be able to see「Natsuki Subaru」there. He could conceivably look at the literal form of the potential「Enemy」 that was lying inside him. If that was possible, Subaru’s situation would change drastically. At least, he should be able to come up with a resolution.

Hence, he cannot let Emilia or anyone else read the contents of the book. Subaru  must be the only one to experience the book’s contents―

Shaula:「Now this is what you call a commoshun, did something happen?」

Emilia:「Ah, Shaula, you’ve come.」

In the meanwhile, Shaula had showed up at the Taygeta library. Craning her neck, her black hair swinging about, Shaula greets Emilia and Beatrice. She then notices Subaru at the back of the library and waves her hand at him. In this moment, he thinks that her appearance overlaps with how Meili had entered the breakfast room this morning. Subaru turns his face away and resists the urge to vomit.  

Shaula:「Oyo, what a cold response from Master! After spending such a passionate time together with meee.」

Beatrice:「I am quite interested in what happened between you and Subaru, but, for now I will postpone it, I suppose. Speak up if you’ve seen Meili anywhere. You were good friends with her, I suppose.」

Shaula:「The chibiko… umm, Number Two?1 Her? Hmm, now that you mention it I haven’t seen her for a while. I don’t know what happened to her after this morning’s breakfast.」

Shaula answered Beatrice by shaking both of her hands. Then, she placed her waving hands against her cheeks, and cocking her head she said: ”What’s wrong with Number Two?” At hearing Shaula’s question, Emilia cast her gaze down in unease,

Emilia:「To tell you the truth, we found a book with Meili’s name in the library. We haven’t looked inside it yet, before doing that we wanted to check whether that child was okay… 」

Shaula:「Ah, I see. Number Two ended up dying? That’s troublesome to think about, there are many ways you can die; things like that may just happen, noo?」

Emilia:「―hk」

Beatrice:「…you」

Looking quite indifferent to what was going on around her, Shaula states her opinion on the matters of life and death, paying zero consideration towards the distressed Emilia. Hearing what Shaula had said, Emilia’s cheeks stiffened, and Beatrice glared at Shaula with an expression of anger. However, Shaula did not pay any attention to how the two had reacted,

Shaula:「So, where is this important boook? Once you look inside, you may find out how and where Number Two died, indeeed.」

Subaru:「That’s, that’s enough from you! Always talking like this…」

Subaru was unable to look on without doing anything, he flares up at Shaula’s reckless remarks. Now Shaula’s behaviour showed heartlessness too. Up until now, by no means could Subaru tell Emilia his thoughts, he has just about enough discretion to not open his mouth. As for Shaula, she has no―

Shaula:「Don’t get maaad, Master. I didn’t mean any offence! But, but, practically, what should we do with the boook here?」

Subaru:「At… least, since we all got together…」

Shaula:「Even if you don’t do it leisurely, is it not worth a shot to read the boook? I don’t know what you’re getting angry at when I suggested reading it. If Number One’s worries…」

Subaru falters, the strength of his rebuttal weakens as Shaula presses for an answer from him. She cuts off her speech and quietly sends Beatrice a sidelong glance, and then once again she cast her gaze at Subaru. Her face continued to have a unreserved, but not malicious look on it.   

Shaula:「―Master should read the book.」

Subaru:「――――」

Shaula:「When you first saw this library, it was Master and that other pretty boy2 who first experienced what was in it, no? Afterwards, there were no negative effectssu when you came out riiiight?」

Her ample-sized breasts shaking, Shaula takes a step forward and brings her face right next to his. His breath was taken away by the woman’s suggestion, and Subaru’s brain started to once again think carefully.

Shaula’s suggestion is extremely reasonable for a woman that has such an attitude. Naturally, it’s not known to him what sort of effect the「Books of the Dead」have on people once you read it. At least, there had been two people who had already experienced it. There should be enough value in trying to read it. Of course, that experience may snatch Subaru’s memories. It could be possible that it is a trap that may start to divide him into his current self and「Natsuki Subaru.」If that’s really the case here, it is odd that Julius hadn’t experienced any of these unusual phenomenons. By no means would he conceal his memory loss like Subaru had done; it was a great leap of imagination to come to such a suspicion.   

There is no relation between the influence of the「Books of the Dead」and his loss of memories. Making this conclusion was no issue at all in this situation. Thus, with that being the case, her suggestion had come as a lifesaver―,

Subaru:「―Certainly, what Shaula said may have a grain of truth in it.」

Beatrice:「…Subaru, are you really going to do it, in fact? Up until this time you shared meals with that companion, I suppose.」

If he were to take advantage of Shaula’s words, for the time being, he could break through the first obstacle. Becoming the first one to read Meili’s「Book of the Dead」, and making sure he is the last and only one to read it, then what Subaru had done would remain hidden inside his mind. However, that is where Beatrice’s genuine worry for him entered into the fold.

She is concerned about Subaru’s soul being damaged. Until now, the dead that「Natsuki Subaru」had seen here had only had a shallow relationship to him. There was a big difference between that and Meili.

They had journeyed together, they had talked to each other, they had shared meals with each other; she was that kind of comrade in arms. Beatrice had been concerned about what sort of mental trauma would befall Subaru if he were to see her「Death」with his own eyes.

Subaru:「…I’ll be fine, don’t worry. As Shaula said, I am most likely the best person to do it.」

To Beatrice’s concerns, Subaru straightens his cheeks so that he looks serious, and nods. Certainly, looking at the memories of a deceased person whose face you know could very likely cause someone to have mental trauma or abnormalities. If you happened to be a good person, then maybe it would be unbearable.

―But that’s not the case with him. It isn’t so.

For Subaru now, the journey with Meili, the words he had exchanged with her, the meals he had shared together with her, by no means was she that kind of comrade in arms to him. For these few hours, he had behaved as if was acquainted with her. They had shared two or three meals together, and sometimes she had helped him reassure him a bit, but that was the extent of their relations. She was just an unfamiliar little girl to him ― He would not receive any mental trauma by seeing her death.

Emilia:「I am still against this. If we really really have to, then it shouldn’t be Subaru, but me…」

Beatrice:「If Emilia wants to look at it, Betty will oppose it, in fact. If someone has to look at it… it’s frustrating, but Julius or Subaru are our best bets for it, I suppose. But, if you had seen how Julius looked like this morning, you’d probably want to erase him from the list of candidates here.」

Emilia:「Beatrice…」

Emilia, who looks quite dispirited, trails off into silence at hearing Beatrice’s reasoning. At least, Beatrice seems to have chosen to respect Subaru’s will. However, due to what had happened just before, Emilia knows that Subaru’s condition is quite unstable. Therefore, Subaru nodded at Emilia whose amethyst eyes showed deep concern that did not disappear.

Subaru:「―I will look. Perhaps, what if it’s only a misunderstanding, and if you read it in high spirits then maybe nothing will happen?」

Emilia:「…if anything happens, I will tear the book from you at once. I’ll pull your hair as well…」

Subaru:「I would prefer much more if you’d call out to me and shake my shoulders instead.」

With Emilia’s superhuman strength, if she were to pull his hair, the back of Subaru’s head would become a permanent desolate wasteland. And then, after retorting with such false words, Subaru faces towards the bookshelf. Unchanging, Meili’s book was still there, emitting a strange presence. From the beginning, at the times he had happened to catch a glimpse of it, he had seen it as just an ordinary plain book. But now, from this strange aura the book had, it felt as if he could instinctually recognise the name. At any rate, he couldn’t rely on just his senses.

Thus, Subaru picked up the book to search into what he can’t rely on in himself.

Subaru:「――――」

Behind him, Emilia and Beatrice are holding their breaths. Shaula puts her hands behind her head, watching over Subaru’s decision with a carefree expression. Whilst taking a look at these three individuals, Subaru takes a deep breath, and he places his hand on the thick book’s (which looked rather like a dictionary) front cover.

Subaru:「―Let’s go」

As if he was trying to persuade himself to do it, Subaru mutters this and opens the book ― his senses blackout.

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―Ever since the woman had been aware of what was around her, there had been nothing.

There had been no one around. There were no men, women, adults, children, elders, babies, no one at all. She was alone in the dark, dark, black, black forest. The woman was all alone.  

Being able to stand up and walk. Being able to speak. Being able to cry out in order to live. The woman was not able to do any of these things; all of these things were far away, unknown to the woman, vanished beyond oblivion.

「――――」

If she doesn’t how to speak, she cannot know how to mourn. If she doesn’t know how to use her legs, she cannot know how to walk. If she doesn’t know how to live, then there is no reason for her to know about dying.

Therefore, the woman had no choices, the meaning of both life and death were not brought to this woman ― she had been snatched away by the fangs of a beast. The beast had a horn on its forehead, and this hideous beast of slaughter was continuously engaged in ferocious slaughter―

The woman did not know why this beast hadn’t crushed her throat with its fangs and had instead dragged her by the nape of her clothing back to its lair.

However, choices, which were not supposed to exist, were born, and the woman’s fate was decided under the beasts.

She did not know any words, so she didn’t know how to mourn. She did not know how to use her legs, so she didn’t know how to walk. However, as she knew the way of living, she didn’t think she would die.

Taking notice of what had happened, the woman had followed the murderous beasts and had become their queen, and had dominated the entire area.

Treating the prey however she wanted, eating whenever she felt hungry, killing it if she was bothered by it, sleeping whenever she wanted to sleep, living the way she wanted to, killing the way she wanted to, and she was raised to be like the mother of these slaughterers.

In the past, she lost the memory for the reason for her existence. Things that were nothing, things for which she had no need for like symbols, she could not ever value such things. With the same pace, and with the mind of a beast, whether it was for good or bad, she wanted to die alone, that’s what she wanted.

???:「―This welcome is much bigger than what I thought. However, I do not mean to hurt you.」

It was a girl in black. Covered with magic and blood, it was a girl in black. The woman who led the group of beasts with a mere action of her hand was deprived of everything she had, by that girl in black.

Blood overflowed, fierce flames scorched the sky, and the girl in black smiled amidst the bloody surroundings.

Without knowing how to do anything, the woman, once again, was in a position where she had nothing.

*Girl in black*:「I will take you back with me. That’s why, I shall accompany you.」

The girl in black forcefully took the woman who had nothing. Leaving the place where she had lived for a long time, where she had spent a long time with the beasts, where she was together with them for such a long time.

Even after all that, the woman still could not do anything.
She did not know any words, so she didn’t know to mourn.
She did not know how to use her legs, so she didn’t know how to walk.
She lost the way of survival, so this time she may have no choice but to die.

???:「The way to mourn, the way to walk, the way to live, you lost all of those? No way, no way, there cannot be any excuses made for such a lineup.」

That was her regret of not knowing the way to mourn.

???:「Mourn, for my sake. Resist, for my sake. Live, for the sake of loving me.」3

That was her regret of not knowing the way to resist.

???:「No matter what you lose or what you forget, you can never go against me ― That is, because it’s your duty towards your「Mother.」」

―That was her regret of forgetting the way of living, and her inability to think about her way of dying.

More hellish than hell, more nightmarish than nightmares, more evil than evil―

That was「Mother’s」idea of discipline, not for other women, but just for her.
「Mother」did not lie.
「Mother」was innocent.
「Mother」used every possible means to be loved.
「Mother」however, just used distorted version of those means.

She remembered words. The way of mourning got peeled away. She remembered the way to walk. The way of resistance was painted away. She remembered the way of living. She no longer wished to die, and this got engraved into her.

*Girl in black*:「Please stop being under the complete control of that person. Because, except for me, surely, the number of lives left would be short.」

Suddenly, when she had remembered the way of words, and the way of walking, she had recalled the girl in black. The girl in black had often shown to have the face of a woman. Before she even noticed, she was acting in accompaniment of the girl in black much more than before.

Before meeting「Mother」for the first time, she remembered when she was embraced by warm water. Covered with blood, mud, and dirt, the merciless girl in black had sloppily rinsed her of the irremovable dirt. Or perhaps, maybe it was the feeling of freedom that the woman had felt at the end.

「Mother’s」intention made it clear that she wanted the woman to be aligned with the girl in black.

The girl in black was abnormally strong. Her way of killing was amazing. She knew more about the way of killing rather than the way of living. Everything else except for that was scarce in her.

*Girl in black*「Regarding ■■■■. If you entrust her to someone like me, she will do well.」

A single event would shape everything else that had happened, or that’s how it felt like. She was undisciplined. She wasn’t strict. She was her companion in hand. She couldn’t take her eyes off her companion. She was not faithful to「Mother.」She not only knew the way of killing, but also the way of living with freedom.

She had seen hell. She had seen nightmares. She had seen evil. For her whole life, the woman thought she would never forget the「Horror.」While she was together with the girl in black, while she went along and helped this undisciplined girl, it felt like what was engraved in her would fade away. But―

*The Woman*:「―Elsa… Died…」

Died. She died. She turned to ashes and died.
The girl in black who never dies even when she is killed― No, towards the end that girl was Elsa.

Died. She died. She turned to ashes and died.
She had a spear stuck into her belly, she lost both of her arms from her shoulders, and she also saw her with a broken neck. Still Elsa did not die. She thought she would never die.

Died. She died. She turned to ashes and died.
She had also endured「Mother’s」training. She had also endured the hell, and the nightmares and the「Horror.」But, Elsa had died. She was going to go back being alone. She had lost her herd, she had lost Elsa. She was all alone.

Died. She died. She turned to ashes and died.
Killed. She was killed. She was turned to ashes and killed. Those who had turned Elsa to ashes had captured the woman and imprisoned her.

―Alone, inside a dark room, the woman questions the void around her.
Hate, Hateful, Hatred? The feeling of Hatred, what does it feel like?
Sad, Sadness, Sorrow? The feeling of Sorrow, what does it feel like?

She doesn’t know how to mourn.
She doesn’t know how to resist.
Even for herself, she doesn’t know the value of life.

It was like this from the beginning. Before Elsa had died, before she could recognise that the girl in black was Elsa, before meeting「Mother」, before beginning her training, before her herd of beasts had been destroyed by the girl in black, before she had begun to lead the herd of beasts, before her life was saved by the whim of a beast, ever since the time she had been torn away from those who were supposed to be her real mother and father, the woman had been a defective product.   

The woman was set adrift, living. When she had been a beast, she had imitated the way of living of a beast. After being trained by「Mother」, she had done exactly what she told her to do. And even after she started to spend time together with Elsa, she had imitated the way she spoke, she had imitated her, imitated.

From the beginning, this woman was that kind of creature. A person that imitates humanoid creatures. She had behaved as others desired.

The woman was capable of imitating others, she was a mere sham of the people she imitated, she had the form of a person but was nothing like a person―

Kill the bastard, she wonders if that is what she is thinking. Pursue him, she wonders if she is thinking of that in that manner. 

She wants to to imitate someone that knows「Elsa’s」death, she wants to precisely know what to do in regards to「Elsa’s」death. She wants to imitate. She wants to see what is the correct norm.

What should she do. She had lost「Elsa」― who should the woman imitate now?

Time had passed and she didn’t understand. Meanwhile, while keeping up her appearances on the outside, the woman is a woman who continues to exist for the desires of those in her surroundings.

She wished for change. If the events change, if her situation changes, she may come to an answer. That, or「Mother」may want her to die ― that also may be okay.

She had let herself be shaped up as requested, as they desired, as if she was adrift. Then, if「Mother」desires it, she can also take her life which she can’t find any particular value in.  

――

――――

――――――――

――――――――――――――

―――――――――――――――――― She hated it.

She hated ending it right there, ending here, she hated it. A feeling of impatience burned her heart. Her desiring soul, demanded her own desires.  

At the very least she wanted to know the answer. The answer to what murdered「Elsa」would have been able to do.

???:「― Oh so you came here too, ■■■■■?」

At night. In the library inside the Tower of Sand, in the place where the「Books of the Dead」were. A voice came from behind her. Around there stood a familiar black haired boy who she knew well. Her heart jumped in that instant. She noticed it herself, deep down that she was afraid. If he were to ask why she was there, she couldn’t answer questions like whose book she herself was looking for that she secretly came here?

*The Boy*:「I just kinda had a book I wanted to look for. I really should’ve asked the others for help though, I couldn’t stand the feelings of restlessness and…」

The boy is saying something. With a smile and a head tilt, she hides her exalted heartbeat. Pretending as always.

*The Boy*:「― Don’t stay up too late, ■■■■■」

As she was told that, she left the library. Slowly walking away, then quickening her pace, and in the end, running. He saw what she was doing, he knows what she was doing, he realized what she was doing.

Biting her nails and furrowing her brow, the woman squatted and calmed her breathing. He didn’t see, He didn’t know, He didn’t realize anything.

But she abandoned everything and started again. The woman understood why it was that she came all the way to this place. And it was all the more reason to change everything she knew and start all over again abandoning anything and everything.

The urge controls her head. As her repressed emotions are left to grind on her molars, the woman turns around. Going back through the road she just ran through. Her legs gradually relax and she eventually starts walking slowly. Finally walking so gently so as to eliminate the sound of her footsteps, she returns to the library where the「Books of the Dead」are.

With his back facing her way, the black haired boy was sitting on the ground. With how many books are scattered around the ground had he already found the「Book of The Dead」he was looking for? Already guessing that, she felt jealous. But before he notices her she definitely has to―

*The Boy*:「―You’re so damn shallow.」

Letting herself be controlled by feelings of desperation, she felt like blaming her impulsive actions. As she stops her feet all that is before her eyes is the black hair on the back of the boy’s unturned head.

She was supposed to be coming back without making a sound and holding her breath. It’s true that she doesn’t hold a candle to Elsa, but even then, she could at least erase the sound of her footsteps. Then how did he find out?

「――――」

All of her thoughts become jumbled. She just came here while eliminating the sound of her footsteps, and he still saw through her with his back to her, what kind of explanation can she give now.

―No, even then, she should have said something. taking her training into account. It would’ve been fine if she had just come here. No matter what, the woman was brought by the boy. She was also supposed to take that into consideration. With a timid smile and a head tilt, she hides her exalted heartbeat. Pretending as al―

*The Boy*:「Don’t try to suck up to me it’s disgusting. Nobody would want you doing that to them.」

Cutting off her train of thought and shutting her up as she was pondering and going around in her thoughts. What did the black haired boy mean?

*The Boy*:「Don’t give me that composed face. Submissive little doll. Are you going to ignore that desire in the depths of your own heart?」

Desire in the depths of her heart. Why did hearing him point that out weigh on her so awfully heavily?

*The Boy*:「Devote yourself to listening to your desire. If you do so, you’ll see yourself a little more. And when you see yourself a little more, you’ll know what you want to do.」

To know. what she wants to do. to see herself. What she wants to do, what she desires, that is―

*The Boy*:「―Now that’s a nice face. Looks rich.」

When she noticed, the black haired boy had turned around and was standing right before the woman. The Boy’s hand grabbed onto one of the woman’s hanging braids, and stared at her with horrible eyes that held a perverted pleasure. She couldn’t take her eyes off of those dark pupils in front of her…

*The Boy*:「If you understand your desire and began to see who you really are, then you’ll begin to act more like「Yourself.」Your boring worries and anguish. I’ll make sure to remember them.」

Selfishly deciding what another person wants, the boy declared so while putting the woman’s hair tips to his lips. This filled her chest with a feeling of dread, however, a slight pain burned in her chest.

*The Boy*:「―I’ll make sure to remember them.」

If she understood her own desires. If she properly came to see who she really was. Could the woman become more like「Herself」like what ■■■■■ was supposed to be?

*The Woman*:「―I wanted to talk about last night. I’m wondering, how seriously should I take what we talked about last night? 」

The sun rose, she finished her breakfast, and before they moved to the next trial in the tower, she contacted the black haired boy. She thought about it so much she couldn’t sleep. She thought thought thought, but no matter what she couldn’t come to an answer.

The boy greeted the woman in the morning almost like his attitude last night never happened or something. So she had to make a special chance, she called out to him. Unable to control her restless feelings, at the very least she needed to get him to a place where no one else could hear them, then it might be better.

*The Boy*:「Not here. Let’s change places.」

That suggestion came from the boy. They changed places. As they entered the room, she wanted to question him about the meaning of his words from last night. ―Come to think of it, in the library last night, the boy had said something about going to talk with everybody else.

*The Boy*:「Sorry, ■■■■■」

As those words were whispered into her ear her light body was pushed down into the floor. Falling down. she hit her back on the floor yet couldn’t scream. Just as her field of vision was flickering like that, she saw the face of the boy getting on top of her. ―The smirk on his face was the most disgustingly fiendish thing she had ever seen.

*The Boy*:「Asking that directly is against the rules.」

Her neck was gripped with a strong force. Her mouth was opening and closing but the air that was so important for her body wasn’t coming. Writhing. Struggling. She grabbed the hand on her neck and dug her nails in. Desperately, she kicked her legs.

She can’t move or push him off. But if she was Elsa she could deal with him.

*The Boy*:「This time it was a loss because of breaking the rules, but I hope you’ll act even bolder next time. Do your best as you always have.」

She didn’t understand what he meant. What was he talking about? What was he saying? What was he telling her?

*The Boy*:「My oh my, this is going to be very interesting ― The Natsuki Subaru murder mystery.」

I’m being killed. The reasoning was nothing but flawed. I’m going to be killed. In the end could I do anything at all? Killed. When I was hunting in that forest, what did I. Killed. Meaninglessly unable to do anything. Being killed. It was fun. Killed. It was enjoyable. Be Killed. Like I was part of some childish game. Being killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed.

―I’ll kill you.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

Subaru:「Uh, AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!?」

In an instant, his head jumped back as if he was being flicked away. ■■■■■■ fell backwards, dropping what he was holding in his hands. He saw the world go around in circles. He took a pained breath. His lungs were having panicked spasms at his laboured breathing.

Emilia:「Hey, Subaru!?」

As he was remembering the painful shock, the silver haired girl rushed over to ■■■■■■ who was screaming in pain. She was followed by a girl with light colored hair. Both of them came and propped him up at the same time.

Subaru:「I- I am…. ah. eh? I? w-w-wwwhat just. how. wh-. eh?」4

Beatrice:「Deep breaths! Take deep breaths, in fact! You don’t need to force yourself to talk, I suppose! Emilia, do not touch that book under any circumstances, in fact!」

His eyes were going in circles and foam was sprouting from the corners of ■■■■■■’s mouth as the girl― Correction, Beatrice desperately called out to him. Beatrice called out to the silver haired g― Emilia who was reaching for the book. Yes, Emilia once again nodded and retracted her hand away after all.

Emilia:「But Beatrice, Subaru is looking weird! this book is…」

Beatrice「That’s exactly the reason why, It would be troublesome if Emilia were to fall into the same condition, I suppose! It’s probably quite likely that he ended up diving in too deep, in fact. He is confusing how he talks, I suppose.」

At Beatrice’s analysis, Emilia’s cheeks stiffen and she gulps. Following that, she swiftly comes to ■■■■■■’s side and holds on to his cheek, meeting his eyes with her own pupils.

Emilia:「Subaru, Remember. You’re ok, you are Natsuki Subaru, my knight. You’re clueless about the world and broke beyond compare, You get along with everybody and…you’re. You’re…」

Emilia starts picking through her memories, hysterically bringing up everything she can. While hearing her say all of that, ■■■■■■ begins to. ■■■■ru begins to. Su■■ru begins to

―Subaru begins to recall himself.

Subaru:「I- I…ah, Emilia, Beatrice…I am, me, right? I’m not her I am… Without Elsa, err…」5

Emilia:「You’re doing fine, stay calm. everything is fine… slowly. Slowly, okay?」

Beatrice:「Like a splinter, slowly pull out those lodged memories, in fact. And then, you’ll be able to come back to the normal Subaru, I suppose.」

Subaru:「Ugh, hk…」

Emilia and Beatrice, Talk to Subaru― Yes, Subaru. They talk to Subaru. While those words are reaching his ears, somehow, he sorts through all he saw just now.

Sorting through them. Doing it somehow. Down to the very end. The memories. The moment his life was extinguished.

Julius:「Emilia-sama, sorry I made you wait. I heard about it from Madame Ram on the way―」

Echidna:「Is it true that you found that girl’s named book?」

Then, Julius who was running up the stairs arrived. Julius, Echidna and Ram arrived and were caught up with the fact that Meili was absent. To those three people, Emilia and Beatrice started explaining the current situation

「――――」

Shaula was silently staring, she was staring at a book, lying at her feet to which she was indifferent. She narrowed her black eyes. There wasn’t a single hint of emotion in that stare. She was simply, silent.

―Silently staring.

※※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

  • [1] She calls her by the term “chibiko” i.e. small child.
  • [2] She uses: イキャメン probably meaning “Ikemen” or another way to say pretty boy/metrosexual.
  • [3] Though it may not be clear in the Translation, Mother’s speaking style is extremely similar to Capella in the Japanese, making frequent use of アタクシ (atakushi) to refer to herself.
  • [4] He starts off referring to himself similar to how Meili would, using “わたし” (watashi) and then switches over to “俺” (ore) to refer to himself.
  • [5] Here he doesn’t use “watashi” he uses “ore”, i.e. saying that “I am me (ore), right?”

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14 thoughts on “Arc 6 – Chapter 46, “Meili Portroute””

  1. Seeing that Subaru almost got “possessed” by Meili when he read her book, then it is safe to assume that a book Subaru found and read possessed him and managed to surpress his memories up to being transported to a “Parallel World”. That “personality” shows up whenever a rule is broken in relation to Subaru.

    1. I think so too, I wonder whose books he read if that’s the case. Reid seems to be the most popular answer, but, I wonder if that’s just a red herring and the answer is someone else’s

      1. If it’s Reid… I wonder if the library or book got confused on which of them is actually dead? Reid is dead, but also “alive-ish” on the third floor, while Subaru is alive but also suffering from chronic death syndrome. The second Trial of the Sanctuary got all confused about that one too.

      1. We don’t know, whatever is possessing Subaru didn’t really specify. Likely, it’s a rule of whatever event is possessing him (like maybe it’s part of the Trial or because he broke a Trial’s rule) but I am sure it’s not because he broke a rule of the tower.

    2. If I had to take a guess, Flugel or Shaula’s “mother”(NOT Meili’s, unless they’re one and the same, but I doubt that)

    1. We’ll work on it in the future. But no promises of any consistency. I’m planning to do all the Regulus Chapters in the future, but with my personal current real life state, it’s really hard… :’ ( I won’t quit, I’ll just have to slow down a tad.

  2. That comment. “You’re so damn shallow.” I suspect the book of Regulus Corneas. Whether it’s Subaru speaking of the contents, or the memory of Regulus speaking through him, it applies. Reulus is about as shallow as it gets, and through that shallowness, is incapable of seeing anything beyond his own baseless opinions, so he’s likely to view just about anyone else as shallow.

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